We have been reading Passionate Housewives, Desperate for God for the past few weeks.  Here are my thoughts on the last chapters and then a summary at the end =) 

Chapter 5 talks about freedom from perfectionism. 

• For those of you that follow my organizing blog or listen to my podcast, you know that I am all about letting go of the pressure of perfectionism.  My sweet friend at Pleasing to You and I think quite similarly about this subject and she has started a new focus on Mondays called Lopsided Living {be sure to check it out!}  The author talks about a moment where had she insisted on living up to self imposed perfectionistic expectations, she would have ultimately taken a blessing away from someone else (page 80).  This is so important to remember!  If we do something just because we can we may be preventing the person that God had in mind for the task from fulfilling their calling.

Chapter Six

• I agree with the authors that the consumerism of our society and the culture of materialism we live in contributes to the demise of families.  I also believe that it contributes to our need to strive to be something we weren’t created to be.  The amount of debt that the average household carries saddles the family with undue stress and obligation.  Only when we stop being of the world and just live in it, will this cycle stop.  And that is only going to happen one family at a time.
• This quote from page 87 struck me as well: Would we still praise God if we had to keep dirt floors clean, children healthy, and gardens growing in a strange new environment far from family and friends?  The author was referring to women from previous centuries but it made me think of the women who are selflessly following their husbands into the mission field abroad.  Serving God when it is not convenient and comfortable.  Those are true heroes to me!
• This was also a thought provoking statement “Homes that are emptied of their meaning and purpose make up the culture in which we live.  When homes do not have creative, happy, intelligent mothers keeping them, their occupants go elsewhere to learn how to behave, to learn what music to love, to learn what art to imitate…Being keepers at home is about focusing upon the Lord in all the everydayness so that our houses become centers of hospitality, forgiveness, training, business, welfare, charity, shared mourning and celebration, and-oh, yes- lots of tracked in mud, crumbs under the chairs and everything else that goes with human beings“  The reason this statement struck me is that the teens I work with are missing this element in their lives. One young girl mentioned that my husband and I were only the second couple she had met in her life that had been married for more than 10 years.  Another had never experienced a sit down family style dinner until she dined with her mentor and family.  Being a stay at home mom is a witness to these girls and I never looked at it that way before.

Skipping to Chapter ten:

• Maybe it is because I have health issues that require me to take care of myself {so that I can take care of my family} but my fur goes up when the authors start saying that a mom putting herself on her own to do list is selfish.  Do I think that taking care of yourself can be taken too far…become an idol in your life? Absolutely.  But, the Bible also tells us that we are to love others as we love ourselves.  To me, loving myself is not burning the candle on both ends in the name of service.  Believe me, I have tried it…not pretty at all!

Final thoughts:

This book definitely made me think and challenged some beliefs that I have held for a long time.  While I do NOT agree with everything it says, I do agree with the premise that societal norms and biblical truth do not always match when it comes to being a Godly wife and mother.

Did you read the book?  Please share your thoughts in the comments!

I spent a lot of time broken before God (and my hubby) last night and this morning. 

It is a long story but it boils down to my flesh wanting something (really bad), rationalizing why it would be a great thing for me to do (for my blog, for my ministry, for ME, ME, ME), resenting my husband for not supporting it.

Is going to a blogging conference bad? No!  I am going (with my hubby’s blessing and support) to three more this year. But, EVO was not meant to be for me (even though I won a ticket, won a site redesign and had a partial sponsorship).  And, instead of submitting to my husband’s wishes about this two weeks ago, I dug my heels in.  I was stubborn, determined and wasted so much time and energy pursuing something that in the end was for naught.

You see, God knew (and my husband’s spirit was burdened) that something was going to come up last night with our oldest son, Jason.  Not just anyone can deal with the issues that arise with Jason because of his special needs.  He needs me this weekend.  Mike is going to be away on a father-son campout all weekend with Jared and Matt.

  If I had been on a plane tomorrow and then found out that Jason would need me this weekend- what would I have done then?

My hubby loves me enough not to have said “I told you so” last night as I cried.  Why would I ever doubt my husband’s authority?  Why would I let my stubborn flesh interfere with being present to hear God?  Why would I have been happy to get on a plane to go thousands of miles away from my family when one of them needs me?

No, I am not going to continue to beat myself up.  I know there is no condemnation in Christ.  And, I am still looking forward to going to the other conferences on my schedule, Lord willing.

But, I am going to repent of my clouded judgment and once again, daily, minute by minute, submit to the wisdom of my husband and my God.

Why do you think this is so hard?  Or is it just me?

This post is linked to Wifey Wednesday.  You can also join me each Monday for Holy Housewives, a book club where we read books about biblical womanhood and discuss how we feel and what we learn.

Her writing prompted me to think about how gender roles have affected my mindset and my marriage.

First things first- I am a girly girl.  Always have been. 

I do not like to get my hands dirty, I am scared to death of bugs and snakes, I am certainly not a daredevil and nothing makes me smile quite like chocolate and a pedicure.

 I like pink and purple, things that are monogrammed, candles, perfume and shoes…I really like shoes.  I’ve been told I have been this way since infancy.

I also like football and riding on the back of my hubby’s Harley.

That is how God made me. 

The world would like to see me exchange my femininity for equality.  Don’t get me wrong, I believe that we (men and women) are equal in the eyes of the One that matters.  But I am pretty sure that God didn’t make a mistake when he made me a woman.

And God gave me a man…a dark haired, solid, masculine husband.  And even though I am very much a woman I still took that man, the man God made for me, and for far too long emasculated him with my words, my actions and my attitude.

Life experiences and hurt had caused me to want to strike out before I could be hurt, to resist being vulnerable, to make daggone sure I was not being controlled.

And the world makes that type of behavior easy for us.  Pick up any mainstream magazine today and you will find articles about how to make your spouse what you think they should be. 

God changed my heart on this through healing the wounds of my past and showing me His design for marriage.  And this verse from Romans helps me when I am tempted to resort back to those coping mechanisms and worldly views of marriage:

Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.  Then will be able to test and approve what God’s will is- His good, pleasing and perfect will.  Romans 12:2

When we are trying to figure out how to treat our spouse, how to define our role as a wife, how to *gasp* submit, we need simply to allow our minds to be renewed by the power of the Holy Spirit and we will know what is good, pleasing and perfect.  His will for our marriage.

I don’t know about you but I want my marriage to be defined by my Maker, not society.