Hope seems lost in the flames of house fires, hard to find for the friends that lost their job and face homelessness at the time of year when home means the most, hidden from friends who discover the sex of the heart beating in the womb and discover his health is in question at the same moment.

Children who may die before finding their forever family.

Where are You, God?

I have asked this question at many different times in my life.

Thankfully, the whisper of doubt does not turn Him away.

He is there.

You hem me in–behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me….If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. ~Psalm 139: 5, 9-10

He is there.  Holding me, holding you.  We are never alone.

And, for that promise I am eternally grateful.

The counting of gifts continues {#371-#380}

~  the promises of His Word that provide comfort and strength

~ shopping with my children to fill a shoe box for a child across the world

~  seeing many shoe boxes ready for pick-up for O.C.C

~  many new teen moms being introduced to hope through YoungLives

~  God appointments that encourage and provide confirmation

~  Skyping with my Shayla

~  boys taking Sweet Pea for a walk around the neighborhood

~  my husband’s ability to fix ANYTHING!

~  time catching up with friends

~  comfy boots

What are you thankful for?

If you are facing a time where you wonder if God is there, please leave me a comment so I can pray for you or slip me an email at kmelissasmallwood@gmail.com.

And I am daily counting gifts this month at the Multitasking Mama Facebook page.

Tears threaten to spill over.

Good bye is never easy, even if it is a perfectly normal part of life.

Shayla leaves for nursing school tomorrow {her first plane ride} and Jason leaves for basic training on Monday.

As my pastor’s wife {and good friend} pointed out on Sunday, a mama is supposed to space these traumatic events out a tad better.

As I have been journaling and praying through this difficult week, I noted that I am taking these harder than many moms do.

I begged God to ask me why I was filled with so much fear surrounding the departure of my two precious kids.  Sadness I understand.  Apprehension even.  But terror is not from God.

Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. ~Psalm 139:23

Through a conversation with a friend God showed me what was beneath my fear.

Good bye’s have never gone well for me.

As a child, my brothers and I were separated when in foster care and ended up not being reunited until we were much older.

We went to court with Jason in 2004 and he didn’t come back home with us.

I asked and God revealed to me some clutter in my heart.  I can relinquish old fears and hurts to Him so that instead of experiencing a lifetime of emotion when saying good bye to Shayla tomorrow, I can be in the moment of letting her go become all God has planned for her to be.  {and I will see her in two weeks :}

Is there old junk you need to let God reveal and clean out of your heart?

I am writing 31 Days to a Clean Heart this month. You can read post 1 here and post 2 here.

and the counting of gifts continues {#351-360}

~  looking ahead to the awesome future God has in store for my kids

~  His redemptive power

~  authentic friendships that speak to my heart and meet me where I am

~  attending a Dynamic Speaking workshop {and taking copious notes}

~  seeing how God had things under control all along {why do I ever doubt?}

~  attending a concert with three of my four teens and worshiping the Lord together

~  scarves, gloves and last minute trips to Kmart with patient friends

~  pumpkin spice latte with an extra shot of espresso

~  hospitality of a stranger

~  my prayer journal

What are you thankful for?

Putting this last ninety (ninety four if you want me to be perfectly honest) days into words is proving more difficult than I thought it would be.

Renewed passion for the Word of God.

All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.  II Timothy 3:16-17

Renewed conviction for the sin that so easily creeps in.

The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like.  Galations 5:19-21

Renewed gratitude for the ultimate sacrifice.

But He was pierced for our transgressions, He was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon Him, and by His wounds we are healed.  Isaiah 52:5

Renewed reverence for God’s majesty.

Who among the gods is like you, O Lord? Who is like you- majestic in holiness, awesome in glory, working wonders?  You stretched out your right hand and the earth swallowed them.  In your unfailing love you will lead the people you have redeemed  In your strength you will guide them to your holy dwelling.  Exodus 15: 11-13

Renewed commitment and laser focus on my ministry.

But they were scheming to harm me so I sent messengers to them with this reply, “I am carrying on a great project and cannot go down.  Why should the great work stop while I leave it and go down to you?”.  Four times they sent me the same message and each time I gave them the same answer.  Nehemiah 6: 3-4

Renewed patience for God’s timing.

I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.  Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.  Psalm 27: 13-14

I could go on and on all day with the gems God shared with me during this concentrated time in His word.  It was so worth it and my prayer and hope is that this fire that has been ignited for the Word continues to burn strong in my life and the rest of those that joined in this challenge.

A special thanks to Amy from Mom’s Toolbox for starting this movement online and encouraging me along the way.

Fast forward three and a half years and I somehow figure I should get out my measuring stick (so to speak)…see how far I’ve come towards that plan.

Of course, I do not measure up to my own expectations.

And then I start saying things like this “I should be farther along with {x, y, z}.  If I’m ever going to fulfill this burden on my heart I should at least be at point {j, k, l} by now” and “I knew I was unworthy of this call, God got this one wrong” and “I should be doing more to make this happen” and “what did I do wrong?”

Interestingly enough, the sermon at last night’s midweek service was on Psalm 23.  And I learned something I did not know.  The valley of the shadow of death referred to in verse 4 translates from the Hebrew into the valley of swirling shadows.

Hmmm, swirling shadows.  Could this be shadows such as:

a period or instance of gloom, unhappiness, mistrust, doubt, dissension, or the like, as in friendship or one’s life?

OR

a dominant or pervasive threat, influence, or atmosphere, esp. one causing gloom, fear, doubt, or the like? (definitions courtesy of dictionary.com)

Could it be that the enemy wants me to be surrounded by the swirling shadows of mistrust and doubt?

Could it be that God is leading me through the last three and a half years, not in abandonment of the vision He provided, but in preparation for it?

Is it not in the valleys of life that we stand to learn the most?

So, today I am thankful for the promise of Romans 8 (if you have time read the WHOLE chapter) especially, verses 15, 18-21, 28-31, 37-39.

Exactly what I needed to hear this morning:

For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship [or daughter-ship, in my case] and by Him we cry Abba, Father.  Romans 8:15

Oh, yes!  That is all I need to do- cry out to Him who is with me all the time. The One who is faithful to complete the good work in and through me for His glory (and in His timing).  God’s measuring stick does not compute accomplishment or human “doings”.  He cares far more that I am leaning on Him throughout the journey.

For more Thankful Thursday posts, click here.

I think my readers are painfully aware of the things that make me unique so I thought I would point out some things I am thankful for about the ways the people I love are special to me, because of their quirks unique qualities.

My hubby~ God wired Mike to be cheap fiscally responsible.  I have learned so much from him about being a good steward (enough to write a Bible study about it LOL)  God also made Mike to be even-tempered- ALL THE TIME! Is it possible God knew he would be married to a spaz like me someday and someone would need to be able to be level headed? Hmmmm….

My oldest~ Sometimes with all the trials we have faced raising Jason, it can be easy to overlook the ways that God made him special.  God gave Jason a creative spirit…he is a talented artist, appreciates music and has a flair for fashion all his own.  He have him an innate stubbornness that helped him survive the early years of his life before he came to us.  God ALWAYS knows what He is doing!

My middle boy- Jared and I are so much alike I often forget to be thankful for his strengths and just get annoyed.  He is a great debater- wants to be a lawyer when he gets older (good choice!)  He is athletic and competitive.  At the same time, he has a sweet spirit (that is less evident with the whole being 13 thing) and is so good with babies and older people.  God has also given him a desire to do things the right way and the boy can’t lie (he tells on himself).

My youngest boy- Unique is the first word we use to describe Matt.  Matt marches to the beat of his own drum, God has given him a strong sense of worth, regardless of what other’s say or think.  I envy that!  And God did that on purpose because Matt gets bullied and picked on, and he just let’s it roll off his back and prays for the kids being mean to him.  Yet, when it comes to other people that are hurting or being mistreated, Matt has the most compassionate desire to help them.

I could go on and on with how God has placed unique people in my life, the perfect people to be my friends.

But I will leave you with this thought from Psalm 139: 13-14:

For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.

God truly does know how to take each of His unique creations and place us together to form something truly special- a family.

Whose unique qualities are you thankful for today?