Utter, complete dependence on God. {Psalm 70:5}

The finite nature of our life.  {James 4:14}

How our bodies are designed to need true Sabbath rest.  {Isaiah 58:13-14}

That everyone has a thorn in their flesh, mine happens to be dressed up as lupus.  {II Corinthians 12:7}

Knowing all of these things doesn’t make the excruciating pain go away.  It doesn’t remove the bone deep fatigue that plagues my day.  Knowing doesn’t help me remember appointments or be less distracted.

But, knowing helps me maintain perspective.{Colossians 3:2}

And being grateful for the everyday little things {like the opportunity to sneak in a nap} and the miracles {I’m still alive} keep me focused on what is truly important.

Seeing the good can be hard through the dark lens of illness.  It requires a conscious effort to look for the positive and maintaining a connection to the Vine.

I had the privilege of being interviewed on the Family Health Matters radio show about living “Chronically Well” today. You can listen below:

This post is linked here:

1.  Invisible illness is isolating. Let’s face it, people get tired of hearing about your “aches and pains”, tired of having you cancel at the last minute because you suddenly feel like you’ve been hit by a truck, etc.  At least, I think they get tired of it so I withdraw, not wanting to be a bother.  Loneliness is a frequent companion.

2.  Invisible illness is unpredictable. I can go to bed feeling fine and wake up, unable to get out of the same bed.  For a Type A planning person like me, this is the bane of my existence.

3.  Invisible illness makes you stronger.  I have found an inner strength I didn’t know I possessed.  The strength to keep going no matter how tired, the strength to be there for my kids regardless of how I feel, the strength to invest energy I don’t have in my marriage, the strength to be myself and to love who I am.  I know that God allowed this in my life for a reason and the strength that I possess comes from Him directly.  This doesn’t mean I am always strong!  Please understand that.  But the bad days are bearable because I know {that I know that I know} this is just my earthly circumstance.

4.  Invisible illness is not your fault.  For the longest time, I searched for the reason for my illness{es}.  Was I eating the wrong thing?  Handling stress the wrong way?  Exposed to toxins?  Don’t get me wrong, those are all important things but NOTHING I did {or you have done} or didn’t do, made me sick.  We live in a fallen world where illness and pain abound.  However, how I handle my illness is up to me.

5.  When dealing with invisible illness, you will find {and need} your faith.  There are studies that show that prayer and a strong spiritual foundation aid in healing and psycho-social well being.  My journey with MS, lupus {and the related blood clotting disorder that almost took my life}has brought me closer to God than I ever knew possible.  In this way, I consider my illness a gift.  The vulnerability and desperation brought on by being sick has made me more dependent on my Heavenly Father and I will never wish that had not taken place.

6.  Invisible illness affects everyone, not just the “sick” one.  Marriage, parenting, friendships, sibling relationships, work, church- my illness is a part of my life so it impacts everyone in my life.  Being aware of this helps insure that I keep others feelings and needs in mind and not give in to the temptation to become self focused.

7.  Invisible illness does not have to define you. I am a daughter of the Most High King, a mama to four, Mimi to one little Sweet Pea, wife to an amazing man, lover of words, student of The Word, friend, sister, auntie, teacher, speaker, coffee guzzler, teen mom advocate who happens to live with chronic illness.  God designed me to be me and nothing, including invisible illness, will take that ability from me.

8.  When you have invisible illness, you need a doctor that is invested in you.  So many physicians are motivated by money rather than patient care.  We all deserve a doctor that pays attention and genuinely cares about positive outcomes.  Look until you find the right fit for you- it can literally be a life and death decision.  I have been so blessed with the physicians I have found.  {I joke that I have an “ologist” for every body part and then some}  One of the reasons I am happy with my medical team is because I have not hesitated to move on when I have come across a doctor that did not take my opinions, questions or suggestions seriously.

9.  The internet is a lifeline when you live with invisible illness.  I discovered blogging quite by accident back in 2008.  A few months after I was diagnosed with MS, I was looking for information and came across several blogs that were informative.  Then, I discovered Twitter, started blogging on my own and connected with other like minded women.  My life has been richly blessed by my friends that live in the computer {many of whom I have met in real life and love dearly}.  I am eternally grateful for the ability to connect with a friend, anytime, anywhere.  The value of that connection is priceless when you are laid up in bed for weeks at a time.

10.  Invisible illness will make you regret it if you push yourself too far.  Oh, how hard this lesson has been for me to learn.  When I do too much, push through when I shouldn’t, ignore the warning signs of a flare..I regret it.  Rest, hydration, not doing too much- these are all necessary for me to maintain my health.  I suffer and my family suffers if I push past my limits {but I do anyway because I am one stubborn woman}.

This week {September 12-18, 2011} is Invisible Illness Awareness Week. I will be writing more about this topic this week.

Do you know someone that lives with an invisible illness?  Do you live with one?  I would love to pray for you {or your friend}.  Please leave a comment with your first name and the illness you live with and I would be honored to lift you up to our Healer.

This post is linked to Top Ten Tuesday at Oh Amanda.

I am tired.

The kind of tired that you feel in your bone marrow.  The kind of tired that no one understands if they do not have chronic illness.  The kind of tired that isn’t phased by a three hour nap.

I have a tendency to push myself.  Goes back to the whole recovering Type A, over achieving, perfection seeking sinner that I am in the flesh.  Frustration creeps in, its sneaky, sticky fingers wrapping around my thoughts.

All my longings lie open before you, O Lord; my sighing is not hidden from you.  My heart pounds, my strength fails me; even the light has gone from my eyes. {Psalm 38:9-10}

Hot tears of irritation burn my eyes.  I don’t want to be so tired. I don’t want to be sick.  I don’t want to live like this.

Not because I feel like I deserve better. Not because I think it’s unfair. But because I could do and accomplish and help so much more if…

And, I come full circle in this cycle of fatigue, frustration and faith.

For here is the truth:

My desire to “do” for God is unnecessary.  A burden I place on myself.  For what God wants is me.  And, time and time again I prove that the only way to reach me is to slow me down.  So He does.  And, eventually I yield to His desire for me to just be.

Not do.  Not accomplish.  Not help.

Just be.

Be still and know that I am God. {Psalm 46:10}

Today, I am unwrapping the gift that is multiple sclerosis and systemic lupus.  The gift of chronic fatigue that forces allows me moments to just be with my God.

This post is linked here.

Tomorrow’s show topic is Minimizing the Impact of Your Illness on Your Loved Ones.  Here are some tips related to what I share on the show.

• Your family member’s are not stupid, don’t treat them like they are.  Don’t say “I’m fine” if you aren’t.  Trust is an important component of family life.  Don’t become someone your family doesn’t trust.
• Remember that there are things children do not need to know specifics about (including finances and treatments)
• Resist the temptation to downplay your hubby’s headache when everything on your body hurts. Don’t make it a “one up” type of situation.
• If you lash out in anger, forget something important, etc.- apologize.  Don’t apologize for your illness but for your behavior.
• Plan your day so that you are at your best when you are around your family.  If that means taking a nap before they get home, it is worth it.
• Don’t buy in to the lie of the Devil that you are a burden or problem to your family. They love you and need you.
• Reach out.  Don’t shut out.

For all my tips and thoughts on this subject watch the Invisibles tomorrow.

Some of you may remember that I broke out in (what they thought were) hives about six weeks ago.  After almost a month with no relief, the results of a skin biopsy revealed that the hives were actually lupus.  Further testing revealed that I have systemic lupus (and my diagnosis of multiple sclerosis is still also accurate).

The lupus diagnosis hit me kind of hard.  I am normally a pretty positive, give it to God, don’t worry about what you can’t control kind of gal.

I don’t know if it was because this was so unexpected r maybe because I am just human, but I felt sorry for myself with a capital S for a good week.

Isn’t it somebody else’s turn to have some problems?

Why does so and so go through life with no worries and they aren’t even walking with the Lord?

Haven’t I proven myself faithful to You yet, Lord?

I didn’t want to feel that way and prayed that God would help me crawl out of my funk…and He is never One to let me down when I ask for direction.

Ironically (or not) it was the word’s in the book of Job that turned my attitude around:

What I feared has come upon me; what I dreaded has happened to me.  I have no peace, no quietness, I have no rest, but only turmoil. Job 3:25-26

Yup that is exactly where I was- keeping myself up at night with the “what-if’s”, the fear of the unknown, googling all the complications that can come from having two complicated autoimmune disorders…

Where were you when I laid the earth’s foundation?…have you ever given orders to the morning, or shown the dawn its place?…Who endowed the heart with wisdom or gave understanding to the mind? (from the book of Job)

Ouch! God reminded me through those verses and snippets of life experiences He has already brought me through, that I am gfocusing on the wrong thing.  I should not be focusing on the trial but the comforting promise that God already has it handled. This is no surprise to Him.

So, my answer to being thankful and having peace through difficult circumstances also comes from the book of Job (Job’s answer to God and mine too)

I know that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted. Job 42:2-3

I’m not worried.  I’m not mad.  I am thankful that I have a God carrying these burdens for me.  I just have to remember to give Him my burdens each time they rear their ugly heads.