Sexting: Harmless Fun or Serious Issue?

Welcome to the first edition of Teen/Tween Thursday where each week I will be tackling an important issue facing our kids.

I am a mom of 12 and 13 year old boys, a 16 year old (bonus) son and a 15 year old sister.  I was a teen mom so I am fairly young (31) but am absolutely amazed at the way the world of teens has changed since I was my boys age(s).

I currently (and have in the past) work with teen moms, providing support, advice and showing the love of Jesus in a practical way.  So, teens are on my heart.

And, for the record, I am completely overwhelmed as a mom of teens/tweens.  Anyone that says that the toddler years are the most difficult have  yet experienced the mood swings and back talk of an adolescent!  I figured what better way to navigate the murky waters of parenting teens than sharing the experience on my blog and asking others to link their situations/thoughts/posts in the comments or via a linky. (which by the way is not going to happen today- crazy day- so if you have a post please link it in the comments)

On to today’s topic:

Sexting

From The View to prime time dramas like The Deep End, sexting is a hot topic in the media.  Is it as much of a widespread problem as it is made out to be or are these just kids being kids?  Here is my two cents:

Let’s start with a definition:

Sexting is the slang term for the use of a cell phone or other similar electronic device to distribute pictures or video of sexually explicit images. It can also refer to text messages of a sexually-charged nature. (via about.com)

Then some statistics:

According to a 2008 survey conducted by the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy:

• 20% of teenagers have sent text messages of a sexual nature (of themselves)
• 39% of teenagers have sent or posted sexually suggestive messages via electronic devices
• 48% of teenagers have received such messages
• 44% of teenagers admit that such messages are usually shared by the recipient with peers
• 52% of girls 11-16 say they sent these messages as a “sexy gift” to their boyfriend

There are many more disturbing statistics but I think a very valid and scary point is made by the numbers above.

In this day and age we need to be cognizant of the fact that our kids have grown up in a technologically fast paced world (they have moms that blog, for Pete’s sake =))  They have always known what it is like to have computers that fit in your lap and cell phones that not only fit in your pocket but take pictures.

I don’t know if you remember being a teen but temptation and peer pressure certainly existed in my life during that time.  Easy access to the internet, Facebook and smartphones did not.  Our kids are facing all of the above.  As a lawyer on The Deep End said “Aren’t you glad they didn’t have cell phones with cameras when we were sixteen?”

When we dealt with sexting in our home recently I did not handle it well (AT ALL) at first.  Then I took a deep breath, prayed and did some research.

I realized a myriad of things but the most important is that over reacting pushes your child away.  A child that shuts down is not a teachable child.

Next, I learned that being the recipient of such a message does not mean the child requested (nor was comfortable with) receiving it.

Third, I discovered that kids feel a sense of empowerment behind an electronic device that they don’t necessarily have face to face.  (This can be dangerous if such a text is sent to someone that is older or more experienced in sexual matters than the child sending the text)

Lastly, and so easy to forget, sexting is a behavior.  A child that sends an inappropriate message is not a bad child.  Rather they are exhibiting behavior that their brains are not mature enough to forecast the consequences of.

As parents of teens/tweens we have to be the forecaster.  The weatherman (or woman) for things to come.  Sit down and talk with your kids about sexting.  Come up with a plan for what you expect them to do if they are ever on the receiving end of a message.  Talk about appropriate parameters for boy/girl relationships.

And then point them to the media and the coverage of the kids who have been charged as sex offenders for forwarding the messages sent to their phones.  Sexting is considered a crime in many states and one seemingly unimportant decision can end up affecting your child’s life far into adulthood.

Lord, our kids are encountering challenges we did not as kids.  Open our eyes to the issues they face.  Show us how to help them navigate the waters of these crucial years and give us the strength, patience and wisdom to show them Your love through our actions and words. ~Amen

Any comments? ideas? fears?

To be honest…

I had a post prepared about a hilarious outing we had last night…a comical attempt to free our deep freezer from the home that is for sale after *someone* bought too much meat at a BOGO sale to fit in the itty bitty teen tiny freezer in the kitchen of our current home.

But that post will have to wait.

There is this temptation on a blog (at least for me) to glaze over the uglier parts of life.  The aspects of our lives that aren’t going so well, our failures and struggles.  I usually try to be honest and authentic in this space but lately have found myself writing “fluff” in a desire to avoid writing about the deeper, sometimes uglier issues I need to write about.

Now please don’t think that writing funny stories about my kids and posting pictures of my dogs aren’t important to me- on the contrary, for sure.

But, when those are the majority of my posts- well, those of you  that have read my blog for any length of time know that is not congruent with the purpose of this blog.

I am struggling to figure out how to raise tweens and teens in this culture and society.

I am spending too much time on Twitter and Facebook to avoid writing the things God has called me to write.

I am bogged down in the heavy reality that bad things happen in this fallen world and there is nothing I can do to stop it.

Maybe it is being snowed in, maybe it is circumstance, maybe (or most likely) it is conviction.

Whatever it is, I am unwrapping the need to be honest and get back on my path.

Psalm 127:1 reminds us that:

Unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labor in vain (their work is useless)

My work here is feeling quite useless lately.  All I can ask is that you hang in there while I figure this blogging thing out (all over again)…

This post is linked here.

Of Love and Snowstorms

Our pastor reminded us Sunday that love is a verb, an action, a choice.  After being trapped snowed in with my family all week I can certainly attest to this fact.

You know you love your testosterone driven hubby and boys when:

• the cries of “doorknob” and subsequent running through (your much smaller than before, mind you) house doesn’t irritate you any more.
• you can tune out the noise of video games playing throughout the house 22 out of the 24 hours in a given day because the blowing snow and blizzard conditions have kept them indoors ALL DAY
• you go to make dinner and realize that the ingredients for the dish (that is on the menu that takes time for you to plan) have been eaten as an experiment for “what tastes good on Ritz crackers” so you just make omelets and move on
• you willingly put snow pants, gloves, hats and a bazillion pairs of socks in the dryer 20 times a day so that the boys can play in the snow (and go in and out and in and out and in and out) as many times a day as they want
• you lovingly prepare hot cocoa with mini marshmallows EVERY time they come in from going in and out and in and out of the snow.
• you put on your snow boots and get out your camera so they can show off igloos, snow tunnels and forts (that all really look the same but who am I to critique snow architecture?) most every time they go in and out and in and out to play in the snow
• you stop cringing when the doorbell rings, knowing that it is the neighborhood kids who will now join your boys in going in and out and in and out which just means more clothes in the dryer and more hot cocoa to serve

I love them, that is for sure, but if school gets canceled tomorrow I may very well lose my mind. 

Expect the Unexpected

Today for Thankful Thursday, our host Lynne chose the theme of being thankful for the unexpected.

Ha! That could be the theme of my life so I decided to do a little time line post of how God took the unexpected (to me, not to Him) and worked it for good in my life.

• Time in foster care When I was a tween girl my family imploded.  The result was myself (and eventually my brothers) being removed from our home for a time.  While I am fortunate that my time in foster care  was not long term (about a year and then I went to live with my grandparents) I am thankful for it now.  It softened my heart and created a passion in me for orphans and foster children to have forever families.
• Teen pregnancy While it can be argued that pregnancy should not have surprised me, given my promiscuous lifestyle at the time, I was nonetheless shocked when I learned I was pregnant at 16.  Those of you that know the rest of the story know that being a teen mom is what led me to finding the redeeming grace of Jesus.  How can I not be thankful for that?
• Chronic Illness I certainly never imagined that diseases I cannot control would have such an impact on my life.  But, like only He can, God has used my inability to maintain my previous break-neck speed lifestyle to woo me back to His side.  I have such a feeling of purpose and peace that I didn’t know before I became ill.

I could go on and on about the way God has used unexpected trials to produce unlimited blessings and growth in my life.  And I am so thankful for every one!

Our Christmas Letter

Here is our year in review (that got mailed with our Christmas cards last week).  We are still settling in to the new house and packing to leave for Florida to visit family the day after Christmas.  My posting will be sporadic until after the New Year so I wanted to take this opportunity to thank you all for reading this blog, being such faithful friends and wish you a Merry Christmas and a fabulous New Year!

Dear Family and Friends:

Hard to believe that another year has gone by isn’t it? We have had an eventful 2009! We will try to hit the high points to catch everyone up on the Smallwood goings on J

In the first part of the year (February) Melissa traveled to Florida to visit her brothers and reconcile her relationship with her dad (if possible). The trip was very healing for all involved and Melissa learned that her brother, Thomas and his girlfriend were expecting. (Another boy joined the family: Treyden Edward Nicholson, born 10/4/09).

In March we added a puppy to the mix. Chloe (as debuted on the Christmas card) is a toy mini schnauzer intended to keep Melissa company during the day while Mike is at work and the boys are at school. Somehow, Chloe didn’t get that memo and is a total Daddy’s girl! She had some health issues when she first came to us but everything is fine now.

In June we took a week long houseboat vacation to Raystown Lake, PA. Family friends, the White’s, joined us as well as Melissa’s brother, Ian and her nephew, Marcus. Jared and Matt loved swimming in the lake, especially when coming off the sliding board attached to the roof of the houseboat! Marcus ended up spending most of the summer with us, until late August. It was fun to have a little guy around (for a while) and he celebrated his fifth birthday at our house in June.

Our oldest Jason (16) spent the first part of the year at a rehabilitation facility near Philadelphia, PA. The 3 hour trips to see him once a month were grueling, particularly with Melissa’s health issues. Therefore, we were all thankful when he graduated from that program and came to a residential facility in nearby Winchester, VA in June. He is doing well there, is in 11^th grade and is excited to take driver’s ed this spring (yikes!)

Jared (13) started eighth grade this year and once again made the middle school basketball team. He is the starting shooting guard and loves the game! Jared continues to be in all honors classes and when not at practice, texting or spending time with his friends, he is watching ESPN!

Matt (12) is in seventh grade this year and he too is in all honors classes. Matt is part of an FLL club (lego robotics) that competes with other teams across the state. Their first competition is December 19^th. When not building robots Matt’s nose can be found in a video game or watching the Food Network.

Melissa and Mike got to get away together for the first time in a while in October. Melissa was attending a blogging conference in Las Vegas and Mike joined her. They deserved a break as Melissa had just been discharged from a short hospital stay and would find out upon their return that her new health issues were being caused by systemic lupus erythmatosus (in addition to her MS diagnosis). In November, Melissa did get to travel to Florida to meet her new little nephew, Treyden.

The big news is that we are moving! After almost eight years in this house we are sad to leave it but downsizing is necessary for Melissa’s health and Mike’s sanity J Our new address is 61 Amherst Lane Falling Waters, WV 25419 (effective 12/14/09). We remain in the same school district so the boys did not have to change schools. And, if you know of anyone looking for a great house on lots of land for a great price, send them our way!

We hope this finds everyone well and wish you all a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. May God richly bless you and yours!

I’ll be back to regular posting in 2010.

Tale of Two Houses

There once was a girl with a house:

It’s time to move, agreed her spouse.

So, they packed up their things,

tried not to cling

and prepared  to create a new adventure.

The ugly border must go

Hard work and time will show

That this house can be home

It matters not where you roam

Home is with the people you love.

Memories stay in  your heart

and plenty we have to impart

to our kids and theirs, regardless of where

our address says we live.

So goodbye to the old and hello to the new

A practical home we christen too

A new phase in life

Hopefully with less strife

and plenty of memories yet to come.

*We are busy moving between the two houses and so my posting will be sporadic for a little while.  Please bear with me*

This post is linked with Wordless and Wordful Wednesday here and here.

Where are you Christmas?

Last year, on Black Friday, Jared and Matt (OMGosh, look how much they’ve grown just since last year) were decorating our upstairs tree.

This is what it looked like when they were finished (this is the tree they are allowed to decorate, hence the ornaments almost touching the floor- ack!)

So, you ask, where is this year’s tree?

IT’S NOT UP!  You see we are moving in 12 days so the hubby mandated suggested that we just wait till we get to the new house to “drag out all the Christmas stuff” (that was a direct quote, blasphemous I tell you!)

Where are you Christmas?  I need stockings, trees, ornaments, candles, Advent calendars and my nativity scene!

12 more days, 12 more days.

For more Wordless/Wordful Wednesday posts visit here and here.