Your blog was one of the first I happened upon when I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis in 2008.  Posts like this one helped me climb out of my own pity party and realize that illness was best handled by focusing on the living.  You gave me that gift with your words, words that probably stole precious energy as you wrote them.

When I almost died in September of that same year I discovered the same peace that you so elegantly exhibit.  The peace that is found in knowing that these momentary circumstances are preparing us for an eternal glory.  An eternal glory that you are close to viewing firsthand.

When I was later diagnosed with lupus, I went back to your blog for encouragement and wisdom.

And, I chose joy for a while.

Then I ended up spending most of the late spring and early summer of this year in bed, because of my chronic illness{es}.  I stopped choosing joy and started choosing the pity party.  And a post that you wrote {back in 2009} kept echoing in my mind.  I read it over and over.  Here is a quote from that post:

“I choose the joy. When something is going badly and I’m dwelling on it, I think instead of something for which I am grateful. I swear to you, it’s as simple as that. You just have to decide today, and again tomorrow. And before you know it, you’ll have an attitude of joy more than any other attitude you have at your disposal.” ~Sara Frankl

So, I began to choose the joy again.  It is easy for me to forget how sometimes.  Thankfully, I have your words to help me get back on track.

We have never met in person and never will this side of heaven.  But girl when I get up there, we are going to be best buds!  You go get a head start on the no pain, perfect body thing.  You deserve it.

We will be okay.  We have your words.  We have your heart-filled, joy-choosing words.

Thank you, sweet sister.  May you find rest in the arms of Jesus.

To read more posts dedicated to a woman who has forever changed lives, including mine, please visit Jessica’s blog.

In possession of the calm-no-matter-the-circumstance sort of way that is stable and solid.

His voice on the phone did not even waver as he said “Mama, I can’t see anything out of my left eye“.

I had to ask if he was serious, such normal tone and timbre.

He was serious and {after a frantic call to the pediatrician and a speedy drive where this claustrophobic mother parked in a parking garage!!} we spent several hours in the ER yesterday and had a visit to an opthalmologist today and an appointment with a cardiologist in the coming weeks.

And through it all, he remained calm.  Even when words like “brain tumor” were being thrown around, all he said was “wow mom.  I hope it’s not that“.

And me {aka the high strung spaz} was thinking “DUH!”  And asking {several times a minute} “what do you see“? “do you see anything yet“?

Poor kid.

If I hadn’t shown my ID and had a matching hospital bracelet I do believe no one would have believed he was my kid.

Particularly after his {look a like} daddy arrived and they were both calm together.

Then, tonight, at dinner my little boy with the half mustache said “every day I wake up and can see I am going to be so thankful“.

That is MY boy.

The fact that I wrote about this just the day before is not lost on me but the enemy can shove it where the Son don’t shine!

And just so you don’t freak out, right now Matt has been diagnosed with complex migraines and the appointment with the cardiologist is to rule out a heart condition he is at risk for because of my medical history.  All is well.

Some of you may remember that I broke out in (what they thought were) hives about six weeks ago.  After almost a month with no relief, the results of a skin biopsy revealed that the hives were actually lupus.  Further testing revealed that I have systemic lupus (and my diagnosis of multiple sclerosis is still also accurate).

The lupus diagnosis hit me kind of hard.  I am normally a pretty positive, give it to God, don’t worry about what you can’t control kind of gal.

I don’t know if it was because this was so unexpected r maybe because I am just human, but I felt sorry for myself with a capital S for a good week.

Isn’t it somebody else’s turn to have some problems?

Why does so and so go through life with no worries and they aren’t even walking with the Lord?

Haven’t I proven myself faithful to You yet, Lord?

I didn’t want to feel that way and prayed that God would help me crawl out of my funk…and He is never One to let me down when I ask for direction.

Ironically (or not) it was the word’s in the book of Job that turned my attitude around:

What I feared has come upon me; what I dreaded has happened to me.  I have no peace, no quietness, I have no rest, but only turmoil. Job 3:25-26

Yup that is exactly where I was- keeping myself up at night with the “what-if’s”, the fear of the unknown, googling all the complications that can come from having two complicated autoimmune disorders…

Where were you when I laid the earth’s foundation?…have you ever given orders to the morning, or shown the dawn its place?…Who endowed the heart with wisdom or gave understanding to the mind? (from the book of Job)

Ouch! God reminded me through those verses and snippets of life experiences He has already brought me through, that I am gfocusing on the wrong thing.  I should not be focusing on the trial but the comforting promise that God already has it handled. This is no surprise to Him.

So, my answer to being thankful and having peace through difficult circumstances also comes from the book of Job (Job’s answer to God and mine too)

I know that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted. Job 42:2-3

I’m not worried.  I’m not mad.  I am thankful that I have a God carrying these burdens for me.  I just have to remember to give Him my burdens each time they rear their ugly heads.