I have had a wonderful day full of love, laughs and family.  

Feeling retrospective I decided to chronicle thirty three things I have learned about life {not in any particular order}

1. Polka dots and hot pink make me smile.
2. There are few sounds that bring as much joy as a baby belly laughing.
3. Marriage is hard work, but oh so worth it.
4. There is a huge difference between a job, a career and a calling.
5. When people say “enjoy these moments because they grow up so fast” they are not exaggerating one bit.  Kids literally grow up in the blink of an eye.
6. Having a near death experience will remove most fear from your life and replace it with a sense of urgency to live EVERY minute fully.
7. Chocolate makes everything most things better.
8. God is good ALL the time and ALL the time God is good.
9. Having kids old enough to drive is scary yet very convenient.
10. God’s plan frequently looks nothing like my plan, but is always the best plan.
11. No matter how many children you have there is always enough love to go around.
12. Speaking of parenthood, it is the most challenging, rewarding, frustrating, meaningful, exhausting miracle in the world.
13. You are not defined by your past.
14. Life is not fair, but God is.
15. Friendships, like gardens, need tended, watered and weeded regularly.
16. Nail polish is a cheap and easy way to feel pretty.
17. You can make any house a home if the people you love are there with you.
18. God’s heart is for restoration and when it is possible, love and time can heal wounds.
19. Friends are your family of choice.
20. Writing is a salve to the soul.
21. A good yellow makes a perfect wall color.
22. Being organized makes life easier.
23. I wouldn’t remember anyone’s birthday if it wasn’t for Facebook.
24. Teen moms are special people and working with them is a privilege.
25. Parenting teenagers is like having your fingernails plucked off with tweezers.
26. You can’t save the world and God doesn’t expect you to.
27. It’s okay to take antidepressants.
28. Pets are members of the family too.
29. Being connected with a body of believers is crucial to spiritual health.
30. Why not me?
31. Every day, there are blessings and miracles happening around you.  All you have to do is open the eyes of your heart and be thankful.
32. Words hurt.  Guard your tongue.
33. Just as Jesus said, it is more blessed to give than to receive.

Thank you, Lord for thirty three years on this planet.  Let everything I do bring glory to You.

What are some of the best lessons you have learned?

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The Type A organizer in me has a holiday binder where I would clip ideas and recipes and tradition ideas that I have come across over the years.  It has been my planner for memorable holidays over the years.

Now, I have a Holiday Inspirations board on Pinterest. And, the need for clipping, keeping and flipping through pages has expired.  I am like at kid at Christmas {yes, pun intended}

I will still make note of the wrapping supplies I have leftover from the previous year so I can shop sales but don’t need my binder anymore.  And, I am excited about that!

How do you get organized for the holiday season?

She had no idea what I was talking about and acted like she thought it was a silly idea. Until she saw the types of things I was putting in there.  Now, she will point things out when we are out and about and comment how nice an item would be for her hope chest {that girl makes me laugh all the time}

My grandmother had a hope chest for me.  It meant the world to me, a child that did not have many ties to tradition, to have this box of meaningful items given to me when Mike and I married.

For those of you that aren’t familiar with the hope chest concept, it is a box {we use a trunk in our family} that is used to collect household items, recipe books, linens, etc. that a girl will need when she becomes a wife {or goes out on her own}.

Some of the items that have made their way into Miss S’s hope chest are:

• kitchen towels, potholders in an adorable green and brown
• A recipe book that I compiled with my favorite easy recipes
• picture frame
• candle holders

I watch for sales at stores like Kohl’s and Target as well as products from Dayspring.  They have some beautiful home decor items that bring the Word into your home in attractive ways.

She doesn’t know everything I put in there and that is part of the fun.  Jason, our 18 year old son, recently asked “what does a boy have to do to get a hope chest?”  He is all for the equal opportunity

I am so excited to have someone to pass this tradition on to and, in a few years, Miss S. and I can go shopping for a hope chest for little Sweet Pea.

Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.  These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts.  Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads.  Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates ~Deuteronomy 6:6-7

 

What are some traditions you intend to pass down to your kids?

This post is linked here

For example: an eleven year old girl in our neighborhood is aggressively pursuing my thirteen year old son (about to be fourteen in a month).  Her facebook photo is of her in a bikini (for crying out loud).  I have intervened by informing her that her facebook messages to him are inappropriate (because I monitor all his facebook messages).  I have intervened by bringing my son inside when she is riding her bike past our house obsessively while he is playing basketball (in our driveway).  That (so far) has been the extent of my “psychopathic parenting”–quoting my son on that one.  I think he is flattered by the attention.

What I want to do is hunt down the parents of this child and shake ask them if they are asleep on the job or what?  Are you aware that your ELEVEN year old daughter is this focused on the opposite sex? It is truly frightening to me.

What I should do is where I falter.

When I intervene as I have am I over reacting?

Are these issues my son needs to handle on his own?

I don’t have all the answers to this parenting teen thing.  I pray without ceasing about these boys that God has entrusted to my care.

I will give account for my parenting one day…

Am I helicopter parenting or parenting parenting?

I don’t know- do you?

Please feel free to submit your posts about parenting teens/tweens in the MckLinky.

His (almost) three year old little self pulls me energetically towards the kittens down the hall… “Tome on mommy, let’s go look at the kitties” (except he said his hard c’s and k’s like t’s so you can imagine how comical that was).  The fact that he is calling me mommy just a few days after we met is not lost on me and I feel the weight of what that could mean with each step down the hall.

He’s my son.

(Almost) three years later we sit in the back of the car together.  He again slides his hand into mine as we drive away from his old life and toward a new life in our home.  He is stoic, already jaded by his experiences and the disappointments life can present.  He doesn’t cry. He doesn’t ask why.  He just holds my hand and doesn’t look back.

He’s my son.

(almost) Three years later he struggles to integrate into a “normal” family.  Life is full of extremes.  One minute enjoying the warmth of his mama’s lap while she reads Captain Underpants, the next striking out in anger because he didn’t like the way his eggs were cooked.  One day winning the county art award for his drawing of outer space, aptly entitled “I’d Rather Be Dreaming”, the next hiding under his bed and screaming like a caged animal at the thought of going to school.  One day having a sleep over birthday party with his friends and eating ice cream cake that turned his teeth black, the next being admitted to the psychiatric hospital (again) for being unable to control his anger and hurting his brothers and I. The adoption becomes final and it’s official…

He’s my son.

(almost) three years later and he lives in a “therapeutic” setting.  His behavior controlled for the most part, after years of therapy and learning the skills he didn’t learn at those critical years between 1 and 5.  One day he tries to do his best, the next he feels hopeless and wonders why he should bother.  He wishes he could come home, so do I.  He grows tall and handsome like his daddy.  He just may be okay.

He’s my son.

“Come on, mom.  I want to show you something”.  Now taller than me, he still longs to please me.  He opens a book, full of drawings of wild cats.  “I think I know what I want to do when I get out of here” (otherwise known as graduate).  He has hopes, he has dreams.  He has potential.  And, despite all that has transpired in the last 14 years…

He’s my son.

And I love him.  I’m proud of him. If I could take away his struggles I would.  If I could bear his burden myself I would.  If I could change what happened to him and what he did to us I would.  Gladly.  Happily.  Knowing that my boy would be okay.

He is seventeen today.  Almost a full grown man.  And still…you guessed it, my son.  This video says it better than I ever could.  And, is perfect for Holy Week.  Thinking of what another mother must have been feeling two thousand years ago.

Happy Birthday, Jason!  I love you!

This week I would like to expand on a post I wrote earlier in the week.  When parenting teens/tweens quality family time can be difficult.  Our kids don’t necessarily want to spend time with us. Let’s face it: we are not cool (at least to our kids ) This week I recognized the importance of focusing on my sons interests in order to engage his attention.

So, how can we make sure that we are available to our kids?  What are some things that we can do with them to maintain a bond?  Here are some of my ideas and I would love to hear yours as well!

• Eat dinner together. This is so important!  Many studies have touted the value of eating as a family. It is a great time for discussion, questions and family time.  I am always amused listening to the things that my boys think are discussion worthy.  And, be sure to take some pressure off of yourself.  What you serve as the meal is less important than the fact that you are all sitting down together to eat and talk.
• Avoid overscheduling.  If your child is involved in too many activities there will not be any time left over to spend together as a family.  We limit the kids to one extra-curricular activity a semester (not including church related activities).  We treat our family time as sacred, it goes on the calendar just like anything else.  Making time together a priority sends a strong message to your kids that you value them and want to spend time with them.
• Take advantage of a captive audience.  Even without overscheduling we spend a lot of time in the mom taxi.  Use this time to engage your kids in conversation.  Middle school boys can tend toward monosyllabic answers so I end up asking a lot of open ended questions to solicit some feedback.  Play a game in the car. Crank up the worship music and sing together.  Enjoy your kids.
• Volunteer together.  Serving others together is a great way to bond and spend time with your kids.  And, it is something that will hopefully inspire your kids to develop a servants heart for others and take that passion into adulthood.

What are some of the ways that you spend quality time with your teen/tween? Leave your answer in the comments.  And, as always, if you have a post that deals with teen/tween issues please link the permalink to that post on our MckLinky below.

Thank you all so much for the discussion that we had on last week’s topic.

This week I wanted to focus on respect.  Sunday I picked up the latest issue of Home Life magazine at church (shameless self promotion, I am quoted on page 54).  I also picked up the February issue and it had a very convicting article about the spiritual impact of your child’s disrespect. This article stepped all over my mama toes so I wanted to take a few minutes to discuss the meat of it today.

Here is the line that really stuck with me:

If you aren’t teaching your children to respect you, how can you expect them to respect other authority figures, and most importantly, a holy God?

I have to admit that my children were much more respectful of me (in tone, words and actions) when they were smaller.  I take responsibility for the decline in their respect because I am not nearly as consistent with discipline as I was when they were little.

To be honest, it was easier to discipline them when they were five and six years old.  A time out or sending them to bed early nipped behavior in the bud.  My boys were crushed if I was upset or disappointed in them.

That is simply no longer the case!  Grounding from privileges takes a lot of work to enforce and I often find myself giving in.  And, sometimes it really seems ineffective.  However, this article reminded me of parenting principles I had lost sight of including the fact that delayed obedience is disobedience.

Have any of you ever put off listening to God when He lays something on your heart?  I am guilty of that, for sure.  How will our kids ever understand the importance of following through with what God has in store for them if I don’t expect obedience from them the first time I make a request?

The article had the following tips for children that are resisting respect that I found helpful:

• Ban the use of a favorite technology until you see noticeable improvement in your child’s behavior (at this rate Jared will not get his cell phone back until he’s 30)
• Ask your child to rephrase statements to communicate respect (this would probably work better than getting angry and yelling back, huh?)
• Require your child to apologize to others if she (or he) publically displays disrespectful behavior to you. (This one really struck me as something that would be effective.  Kids this age hate being embarrassed yet we allow them to embarrass us with their behavior)
• Draw up a contract that specifically details your expectations and the consequences.  Have your child sign it (we did this after reading this article!)
• Consider seeing a qualified counselor to get to the root of the problem if your child demonstrates excessive aggression.

Aren’t these great tips?  I really needed to read this article because sometimes everyday my kids tell me I am so much stricter than their friend’s parents (and I start having mama guilt).  This article served to remind me that I am not responsible for parenting their friends.  I will give account to God one day for parenting Jason, Jared and Matt.  Period.  And, I am doing them no favors by not expecting the respect I deserve.

Especially when the result of not teaching them the value of respecting authority could have eternal consequences.

What do you think?  I would love to hear in the comments or feel free to write a post about this or any other topic applicable to Teens/Tweens and add it to the linky below.

I am an all or nothing kind of gal.

The upside:  I am fiercely loyal, totally committed and extremely stubborn determined.

The downside: I am extremely determined stubborn, a tad perfectionistic and  a smidge moody

I was on the downside of my personality lately.  Parenting 12 and 13 year olds every day and a 16 year old from afar has pushed me to (what I thought was) my limit.

I felt like a FAILURE with a capital F.

That doesn’t feel good.  The recovering Type A that I am does not take nicely to the F word.

I finally took these feelings to God (why do I too often make that my last stop?) and he expanded my perspective.

So now, instead of feeling responsible for my child’s bad choices, I’m going to allow natural consequences to occur and let the child feel those ramifications, rather than me. (I do not think for a second this will be easy but with God all things are possible)

Instead of focusing on what I cannot change (my child’s choices) I am going to focus on what I will one day be held accountable for (which is NOT my child’s choices):

My Parenting

I am reading an excellent book called Disconnected, Parenting Teens in a Myspace World.  I am not completely through the book yet but I know there is a reason God led me to pick it up off the book shelf (where it has been collecting dust for quite a few months) and here it is…

In the long run the only question that matters is, “Is who I am, how I live, and how I parent providing my child the very best chance to see and experience the Jesus who died to redeem them?” (pg 31)

Wow!  Let me just say that asking myself this question (several times) each day has already helped me focus on the process of parenting, not the outcome.

God also reminded me that while these circumstances may pain me it is actually good that my children make these type of mistakes while they are still under my daily influence and discipline. None of the choices they have made are the end of the world (by any means) and that my past mistakes (a big stumbling block for me) do not predict my child’s behavior.

God has entrusted my hubby and I with part of the mining process…it is up to Him (and Matt, Jared and Jason) to make them shine like diamonds some day.

I was failing…because I was trying to do this parenting thing in my own strength.  But I have humbled myself and come near to God (James 4) and He has proven faithful in renewing my strength and giving me a new parenting perspective.

*just an FYI: if you click on the link and purchase the book mentioned I will make a small commission as an Amazon affiliate*

This week the questions were:

If you could be any literary/movie character who would you be?

What is your biggest phobia?

Do you have pets? What are they and what are their names?

And here are my answers:

Join us for the fun on video or leave me your answers in the comments!