watching your husband love on a baby, having opened his heart and life to the unexpected and embracing it for all it is worth.

Love is…

a teenager playing with a little cousin, making them laugh and admitting they had a good time, too.

Love is…

opening your heart and trusting God to give you enough love to go around to all those He gives you to love.

Love is…

accepting your body as the Temple in which He dwells and loving it accordingly.  Not in spite of the imperfections but because you are just who He created you to be, imperfections and all.

Love is….

cheering your son on in a sport that you do not understand and makes you cringe to watch.

Love is…

celebrating the moments, big and small, together.  Giving glory to the One that makes all things new!

Love is…

making the most of each moment with each child, even if it means milkshakes at McDonald’s on the way to church, just the two of you.

Love is…

cleaning up messes, overlooking grievances, appreciating the little things, making time for each other, valuing the ones God places in your life, letting go of hurts quickly, apologizing for inflicting hurts even more quickly and making every moment count.

Love is family.  Love is marriage.  Love is friends. Love is God, from Him and of Him.

Not chocolates or roses or fancy dinners.  Love is a choice we make everyday to value the people in our lives more than we value ourselves.

What is love to you?

It may seem like a peculiar birthday gift but to an 11 year old with down syndrome it will be well received.

“string” as he knows it brings comfort and calm to a world that is often overstimulating and overwhelming.

Lupus shoots fiery darts of inflammation and pain into the joints of my hands as I braid, but I don’t stop.

Love hurts sometimes and this is a gift infused with love.

This special little guy is the brother to my daughter.

Only God, through His Love, could bring me the daughter I prayed for AND provide a sweet boy with a special chromosome for me to love too.

{You know if you have spent any time here before that children with special needs have their own place in my heart}

God injects unexpected joys into our lives, if we are open to seeing them as such.

A friendship woven by love and His design takes me by surprise.

She thanks me for throwing a birthday party for her boy.  I thank her for the privilege.

She asks for a picture together and my heart is heavy with the joy of the moment.

We are mama’s of the same daughter.  We are daughters of the same Father.

I stand in awe of God’s redemptive power once again.

and the counting of gifts continues…. {excerpts from my Joy Dare journal}

~ miracles of love evident

~ a job, a car and a house for my sweet friend, such an answer to prayer {God was showing off this week!}

~ a belated birthday gift from a Titus 2 type of friend that brought tears to my eyes {she remembered}

~ playing catch {over and over} with my fur baby, Chloe

~  counting down the days until Shayla and Jason are home again

~ clarity and the letting go of things that are not God’s best for my life

~ holding hands with my hubby as we walk into the gym to watch our son wrestle

~ confirmation of His call that comes in all forms and speaks straight to my heart

~ Sweet Pea patting my back and saying “awww”

~ new girls every day introduced to God through YoungLives

What are you thankful for?

I prefer not to be surprised.

Image via Wikipedia

I wouldn’t categorize myself as an adventurous gal.

But, God would.

Everyday life with Jesus is an adventure.  I don’t know what He will ask of me from moment to moment, yet my heart needs to remain open and flexible to His call.  I don’t know how my faith walk will stretch me from my fleshly comfort zone, yet I need to be pliable in the Potter’s hands.

I desire control.  I desire consistency and most of all, I desire safety and comfort.

Thankfully, Jesus takes the desires of my heart and conforms them with His.

When I walk in surrender to Him, safety and comfort come from walking with Him no matter the external circumstance.  And, control?  He never desired for me to have that in the first place.

Living the adventurous life of a surrendered believer is scary at times, like sitting at the top of a roller coaster, knowing you are about to hurtle down much faster than you would like.  But, when I look back on the happiest and most fulfilling times (and days) of my life they are all associated with being right in the center of God’s will.

Maybe I am an adventurous girl after all.

I have had a wonderful day full of love, laughs and family.  

Feeling retrospective I decided to chronicle thirty three things I have learned about life {not in any particular order}

1. Polka dots and hot pink make me smile.
2. There are few sounds that bring as much joy as a baby belly laughing.
3. Marriage is hard work, but oh so worth it.
4. There is a huge difference between a job, a career and a calling.
5. When people say “enjoy these moments because they grow up so fast” they are not exaggerating one bit.  Kids literally grow up in the blink of an eye.
6. Having a near death experience will remove most fear from your life and replace it with a sense of urgency to live EVERY minute fully.
7. Chocolate makes everything most things better.
8. God is good ALL the time and ALL the time God is good.
9. Having kids old enough to drive is scary yet very convenient.
10. God’s plan frequently looks nothing like my plan, but is always the best plan.
11. No matter how many children you have there is always enough love to go around.
12. Speaking of parenthood, it is the most challenging, rewarding, frustrating, meaningful, exhausting miracle in the world.
13. You are not defined by your past.
14. Life is not fair, but God is.
15. Friendships, like gardens, need tended, watered and weeded regularly.
16. Nail polish is a cheap and easy way to feel pretty.
17. You can make any house a home if the people you love are there with you.
18. God’s heart is for restoration and when it is possible, love and time can heal wounds.
19. Friends are your family of choice.
20. Writing is a salve to the soul.
21. A good yellow makes a perfect wall color.
22. Being organized makes life easier.
23. I wouldn’t remember anyone’s birthday if it wasn’t for Facebook.
24. Teen moms are special people and working with them is a privilege.
25. Parenting teenagers is like having your fingernails plucked off with tweezers.
26. You can’t save the world and God doesn’t expect you to.
27. It’s okay to take antidepressants.
28. Pets are members of the family too.
29. Being connected with a body of believers is crucial to spiritual health.
30. Why not me?
31. Every day, there are blessings and miracles happening around you.  All you have to do is open the eyes of your heart and be thankful.
32. Words hurt.  Guard your tongue.
33. Just as Jesus said, it is more blessed to give than to receive.

Thank you, Lord for thirty three years on this planet.  Let everything I do bring glory to You.

What are some of the best lessons you have learned?

The Bible is God’s love letter to us and I am a hopeless romantic.

In 2010 I read through the Bible in 90 days with Mom’s Toolbox.  I LOVED that method and can’t recommend it enough!

In 2011, I didn’t make it all the way through.  God and I spent a lot of time in James and Isaiah.

This year, I am reading The One Year Chronological Bible NLT (One Year Bible: Nlt).

Most of us know that the books of the Bible are not in chronological order.  Job is, in fact, one of the oldest known books of the Bible but in a traditional Bible is somewhere near the middle.

Cover via Amazon

I love delving in to the Word and looking at it through a different lens.  I am obviously only into day 3 of this reading plan  {today includes readings from Genesis and I Chronicles} but am excited to see how biblical events unfolded in “real” time.

This reading plan requires 15-20 minutes a day {unless you are me and are constantly cross-referencing with your Bible software and getting sidetracked by word studies}so it is very doable for anyone.

Spending time in the Word is the only way to remain connected to the Vine.

Care to join me on this chronological journey in 2012?  I will be posting my thoughts from my reading each Friday and would love to have some readers join me.  Let me know in the comments if you plan to follow along!

*an affiliate link is contained in this post and I would receive a small commission if you purchased the Bible through that link.*

I enjoy the reflection, the looking back on the good, the not-so-good and finding the grace in both.

Each new year, since I began blogging, I have prayerfully chosen one word I feel led to focus on in the coming 365 days.

In 2009, gratitude.

In 2010, giving.

In 2011, grace.

It is amazing how the moments of the year can directly relate to the word for that year.

I knew a few months ago what word God was laying on my heart.

A word for the outside my comfort zone moments that seem to happen more and more as we step out in faith.

A word for the insecure little girl who falls easy prey to the enemies lies.

A word for the type of ironclad faith I long to have.

My word for 2012 is confident.

The greek word for confident in this verse is pepoithos.  The word is an active participle, meaning that Paul was using the word in the context that He was confident in who God was, who God is and who God will always be.  Pepoithos means a knowledge of security, regardless of circumstance.

Oh, the confidence I want.  The confidence I need.  The confidence I admittedly lack at times.

I will be focusing more on confidence and what it will mean for my journey as the year goes on.

Do you have one word for 2012?  I would love to hear!

“I am going to take the boys and pick up Sweet Pea.  See you when you get home.  Drive careful“.

His lips brushed my forehead and he headed out of the lodge with our three sons in tow.  All four of them had rosy cheeks from the windy night of snow tubing we had just enjoyed.

I had a van full of teen moms to chauffeur home so I waved at my hubby and smiled at my boys as they piled into our car.

“How long have you been married?” she asked. “You make it look so easy.”

The first part of the comment was not hard to answer.  I’ve been married since I was eighteen.

But, easy?

Hardly.

I prayed a silent prayer before I answered her question and addressed the questioning in her eyes.

“Well, we have been  married for almost 14 years”, I replied.  “And it isn’t ever easy but it has gotten easier over time.”

I was able to take a few moments and explain how our marriage was difficult with a capital D for the first few years.  I brought a lifetime’s worth of baggage and he had his fair share as well.

But, God.

I was saved 2 years after we got married and my husband the following year.  We can look back now and see that the condition of our marriage is directly correlated to whether we allowed God into the equation.

We ended the conversation with her saying she hoped that kind of love was out there for her.

Our brief conversation was an eye opener to me. The world is watching how we, as believers, handle our marriages.

Each and every day I have a choice.  To just go with the flow and see how things turn out or to purpose in my heart to be the wife God created me to be and tap into the strength available through Him to do so.

I don’t often view my marriage as a testimony but it is. I should.

Daily, my children and the girls I work with are looking to see if this love thing, the way God designed for it to be, is real.  Can two people make it work for the long haul?

I am so thankful that my eyes were opened to this reality.

My marriage is speaking to hearts… the question is, do I like what it says?

The imperfections of a man, his frailties, his faults, are just as important as his virtues.  You can’t separate them.  They’re wedded.  ~Henry Miller

I remember well the days that perfectionism consumed my life.

I suppose I came by the desire quite naturally.  A father who demanded more than the best.  Raised by grandparents whose accomplishments lined the walls.  Perpetuating the “family hedge”…that no matter what was truly going on, we put our “best face” forward to the world.

Every mistake I made was punctuated by the fact that I was, yet again, incapable of grasping the elusive perfection that seemed to come so easily for others.

I carried this knee buckling burden into adulthood for many years.  Perfectionism twisted itself into a suffocating need for control at all costs.

The monster of perfectionism almost ruined my marriage.  Almost ruined my family.  Almost ruined my life.

But, God. {my two favorite words of all time}.

He set me free from the need to please, the need to wear masks and the need to have everything just right.

Don’t get me wrong..it was a process that began four years ago and we {God and I} still work on it daily.  I am a recovering-Type-A-perfectionist-control-freak.

Perfectionism is a monster.  It is authored and touted by the father of lies, the devil.

You may see a perfectly coiffed mom, with perfectly behaved children in adorable matching outfits with a perfect marriage and perfect house and perfect vacations.

That is what you would have seen on the outside, looking in to my life for many years.

On the inside, life festered with open wounds that threatened to infect everything.  Secrets ate away at the foundation of our family and faith, like termites feasting on wood.  It was not until I surrendered the desire for perfection and the need to control to the only One that can handle those inside wounds, that life actually let our family breathe.

Anytime I am tempted to retreat to those old, comfortable patterns of dysfunctional behavior, I mutter the word “monster” to myself and heavenward.  God knows what I mean and He and I battle that monster together.

Fast forward four and a half years and I somehow figure I should get out my measuring stick (so to speak)…see how far I’ve come towards that plan.

Of course, I do not measure up to my own expectations.

And then I start saying things like this “I should be farther along with {x, y, z}.  If I’m ever going to fulfill this burden on my heart I should at least be at point {j, k, l} by now” and “I knew I was unworthy of this call, God got this one wrong” and “I should be doing more to make this happen” and “what did I do wrong?”

I find myself re-reading Psalm 23.  And I learned something I did not know.  The valley of the shadow of death referred to in verse 4 translates from the Hebrew into the valley of swirling shadows.

Hmmm, swirling shadows.  Could this be shadows such as:

Image via Wikipedia

a period or instance of gloom, unhappiness, mistrust, doubt, dissension, or the like, as in friendship or one’s life?

OR

a dominant or pervasive threat, influence, or atmosphere, esp. one causing gloom, fear, doubt, or the like? (definitions courtesy of dictionary.com)

Could it be that the enemy wants me to be surrounded by the swirling shadows of mistrust and doubt?

Could it be that God is leading me through the last three and a half years, not in abandonment of the vision He provided, but in preparation for it?

Is it not in the valleys of life that we stand to learn the most?

So, today I am thankful for the promise of Romans 8 (if you have time read the WHOLE chapter) especially, verses 15, 18-21, 28-31, 37-39.

Exactly what I needed to hear this morning:

For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship [or daughter-ship, in my case] and by Him we cry Abba, Father.  Romans 8:15

Oh, yes!  That is all I need to do- cry out to Him who is with me all the time. The One who is faithful to complete the good work in and through me for His glory (and in His timing).  God’s measuring stick does not compute accomplishment or human “doings”.  He cares far more that I am leaning on Him throughout the journey.

So, leaning on Him I am.

{edited and reposted from the archives as I spend time with my family}

Knitted together by God.

• Shayla became ours when she was 18 and blessed us with the gift of having Sweet Pea in our lives {she is a rowdy and adorable 15 month old right now}
• Jason was Mike’s son from his first marriage but because of abuse and neglect came to live with us in 1999 when he was six years old and I adopted him in 2000.
• I was pregnant with Jared when Mike and I met.  He was in the delivery room when Jared was born and legally adopted him.
• Matt was unplanned {never take birth control and antibiotics at the same time} and is the only one that has both my and Mike’s blood running through his veins {which we frequently use as the excuse for his stubborn personality}

I tell you all of this because I truly believe what the Bible says in Psalm 68:6, God sets the lonely in families.  God designed each one of these unique and amazing kids to be mine.

Through the years, our family has had the privilege of opening our home to those in need.  Right now, one of my dear friends and her daughter are staying with us as they get back on their feet.

And, I need to brag on my boys.

Matt playing with a straw

Shayla is away at school and Jason is away at basic training.

Jared {15} and Matt {14} are  home {along with Sweet Pea}.

To be honest, I am usually the mom that notices the irritating things, the wrong choices, the negative.  I have been praying for God to open my eyes to see my boys in a different light as we navigate these teen years.

Jared and I at a concert {with Shayla being silly in background}

Having our friends here has done just that.  My boys are patient.  They have big hearts.  They are generous, caring and loving.  They put others needs before their own.  They don’t judge.  They share and give and love.  They show genuine concern.

Jared was worried because I had to take him to school early on the first day that our friend’s daughter was going to ride the bus.  He felt bad because he wouldn’t be there to help her.

And, I realized that God was answering my prayer.

I have good boys, growing up to be good men.

I am thankful for both of them and they make me proud.