She much prefers furniture walking– holding on to the couch, a chair or even my leg– to letting go and walking on her own.  When she realizes she is standing without support, she sits down. 

As believers, we can become furniture walkers too.

We say and think we are giving control to God but in reality we cling to the things that make us feel in control and secure.

Sometimes, when we realize we aren’t holding on to anything tangible we sit down too.

In the pursuit of a clean heart, we must be willing to deal with our tendency toward unbelief.

How many times does God have to come through for us before we let go of the furniture?

We have this pseudo sense of control.  We fool ourselves into thinking we can handle situations in our own strength and just turn to God if we screw up the outcome.

Just last night, I worried about a situation in our family that I have no control over.  I fretted, cried, complained and sat down on the floor of unbelief.

The Holy Spirit whispered a Scripture in my ear {Psalm 34} and I turned the situation over to God {as I should have from the beginning}.  I got up from the floor of unbelief and stood up, still holding tight to the furniture.

This morning, I decided to let go of the furniture and I told God “I’m going to give this to You completely.  I know that You hold the world in Your hands and yet, still care about this situation in our family.  I am trusting You to work a miracle like only You can {preferably before 5pm}.”

The enemy was SHOUTING at me that there was no way for this situation to be resolved.  I was sorely tempted to take it back from God and handle it myself.

But, a woman I greatly admire had just written about exercising our faith muscle and I felt called to stand firm in the knowledge that God had it covered.  {Please know that did not mean my flesh was not waging war against my faith}

And, don’t you know, God had my huge-unsolvable-how-will-this-ever-be-okay problem fixed in a way I would have never imagined before lunch?

He is amazing like that, faithful like that and wants to bless us like that!

So why do I still panic and doubt and fret and worry?

Please hear me when I say that God did not create us to worry and panic and fret.  He created us for relationship with Him.  He created us to depend on Him.  He created us to believe and to know that when we let go of the furniture, He is there to catch us if we fall.

Don’t sit down!  Get up and walk in faith!

**This is day 12 in the 31 Days to a Clean Heart series.**

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Last week, in James chapter 1 we discovered three things that define a religion {faith walk} that is acceptable to God.

1. keeping a tight rein on our tongue {James 1:26}
2. caring for widows and orphans {the needy} in their distress {James 1:27a}
3. keeping ourselves from being polluted by the world  {James 1:27b}

Now for chapter 2.

If I lived in Florida I would grow a grapefruit tree in my backyard.  I love grapefruit.  I would tend to the tree {however one tends to a grapefruit tree} and as a result I would expect the grapefruit tree to product luscious grapefruits that I could eat for breakfast and juice for whenever.

Because grapefruit trees are designed to bear grapefruit.

Likewise, I am a tree planted by the Living Water, expected to produce fruit in due season {Psalm 1:3}

The litmus test of my relationship with Christ is whether or not my life is producing fruit. {John 13:34-35}

If people observe my actions and listen to my words are they pointed to Christ?

What good is it, my brothers, if a man claims to have faith but has no deeds?  Can such faith save him?…In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead. ~James 2:14a, 17

James is not preaching a saved by works gospel here.  Quite the contrary.  He spends time in this chapter {James 2:12-13} reminding us that God is merciful and that mercy truimphs over judgement.

What this passage shows us is that religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is not church attendance, dropping money in the offering plate and having a Jesus loves you bumper sticker on the back of your car.

None of that requires faith, none of that spurs you on to live out the desires of the One that resides in your heart.

If we are truly believers than our lives will be a billboard for Jesus.  We will love deeply. We will give generously.  We will not be able to do anything else.

We are all guilty sinners, saved by the mercy and grace of Jesus.  If you accept that gift and live it and walk in it, then you will bear fruit.  Your life will look different than it did before.  Friends and family may not even “get it”.  But, you won’t be able to live any other way if your faith is alive.  Once you allow Jesus access to your heart, He tends the tree and the tree bears fruit.

Father God, I want to bear fruit.  I want Your Living Water to flow from my actions, my words, my thoughts, my deeds.  I am guilty of not bearing fruit because I allow the Spirit to be snuffed out in my life by my desires, my preferences and my selfishness. Pierce my heart, whisper in my ear when I am growing bad fruit.  Let the fruit that comes from my life be clearly that of a woman sold out to her Jesus.  In your sweet name, Amen.

The imperfections of a man, his frailties, his faults, are just as important as his virtues.  You can’t separate them.  They’re wedded.  ~Henry Miller

I remember well the days that perfectionism consumed my life.

I suppose I came by the desire quite naturally.  A father who demanded more than the best.  Raised by grandparents whose accomplishments lined the walls.  Perpetuating the “family hedge”…that no matter what was truly going on, we put our “best face” forward to the world.

Every mistake I made was punctuated by the fact that I was, yet again, incapable of grasping the elusive perfection that seemed to come so easily for others.

I carried this knee buckling burden into adulthood for many years.  Perfectionism twisted itself into a suffocating need for control at all costs.

The monster of perfectionism almost ruined my marriage.  Almost ruined my family.  Almost ruined my life.

But, God. {my two favorite words of all time}.

He set me free from the need to please, the need to wear masks and the need to have everything just right.

Don’t get me wrong..it was a process that began four years ago and we {God and I} still work on it daily.  I am a recovering-Type-A-perfectionist-control-freak.

Perfectionism is a monster.  It is authored and touted by the father of lies, the devil.

You may see a perfectly coiffed mom, with perfectly behaved children in adorable matching outfits with a perfect marriage and perfect house and perfect vacations.

That is what you would have seen on the outside, looking in to my life for many years.

On the inside, life festered with open wounds that threatened to infect everything.  Secrets ate away at the foundation of our family and faith, like termites feasting on wood.  It was not until I surrendered the desire for perfection and the need to control to the only One that can handle those inside wounds, that life actually let our family breathe.

Anytime I am tempted to retreat to those old, comfortable patterns of dysfunctional behavior, I mutter the word “monster” to myself and heavenward.  God knows what I mean and He and I battle that monster together.

This post is linked to Faith Barista.

She was fast.

She was fun.

She was purple (Tungsten grey to be exact).

She was an impulsive, reckless choice.

She was part of my American dream.

I really thought I had arrived, way back in May 2006, when the hubby and I purchased my pretty, fast, fun and purple Mustang with racing stripes.  I was rapidly climbing the corporate ladder and drowning out the call of the Holy Spirit by working harder, spending harder and “accomplishing” as much as I possibly could.

It took a while but the Holy Spirit won.  Through the dark valleys of 2007 and 2008 and the roller coaster of following God’s lead in 2009, He won.  I am so glad He did. 

But, to be completely honest, I often find myself mentioning how much I miss my car.

And after reading chapter one of Radical (Taking Back Your Faith from the American Dream) as a family last night, it literally sickens me to admit that.  But, I need to. 

We need to.

I need to have the courage to admit to myself and to the world that our culture has watered down the gospel.  That Jesus did not say the American dream was His dream.  We have allowed ourselves to spin the Bible in a way that is comfortable to us yet despicable to Christ.

My family and I had tears in our eyes realizing the many ways we have bought into commercialized Christianity. We are actually looking forward (in a painful sort of way) to the ways that chapter 2 and beyond will stretch and grow us.  I want the promise of eternal satisfaction to be enough for me.

God has been growing our family to take in these words.  We see that now.  It may not be comfortable, we may not understand or even like the doors it opens but we see.  We are being radically changed by taking another look at what Jesus meant when He said “follow me”.  (Matthew 4:19).  I am not going to settle for a token donation to a face on my refrigerator every month.  I am going to learn to forsake, to follow, to surrender ALL. 

All to the One that came to die for me.  All to the One that bids me “come and die”.

I am trading my American dream in for a fishing pole.  Join me?

Until I surrendered to it. 

 Now I am truly in awe of what a mighty God we serve and what He can accomplish through our willingness to lay down our “likes” to be used for His glory.

There are many stories in my life that God can use to illustrate His redemptive love.  Some I am more comfortable with sharing than others.  But the words (probably a paraphrase) of Beth Moore echo in my heart-

God is not concerned with our comfort, He is concerned with our calling. 

And in the last few weeks I have witnessed first hand the amazing power of God coupled with a willing (yet scared to death) heart:

• a desire to connect with moms of all ages through a local event has turned into a HUGE event and opportunity to share God’s love with a lot of people.  God has provided for every.single.detail I threw at Him as reasons why the event wouldn’t work or would be limited due to resources.  Please pray for our local Mom’s Nite Out event this Thursday evening!
• a position on a committee for a teen mom’s ministry has catapulted me into situation after situation where I am using my experience as a teen mom for God’s glory (that would be the story I like sharing the least because it is about mistakes I made.  God has humbled my heart and reminded me that it is not my story, it is His.)  Seeing women moved to tears through the words God places on my heart is overwhelming.  Accepting the love that He pours out to me through my decision to make myself vulnerable is overwhelming.  Watching God move through a community, opening hearts and hands, is overwhelming.  God is amazing!
• Events, activities and opportunities that I thought were important (to me and to God) are being removed from my path.  Doors are closing firmly in one direction while doors I didn’t even know existed are being flung open.  As I step through each one (with fear and trembling) God beckons me.  Dream bigger, dream crazier, dream My dreams….and as I dare to dream, my faith increases and my wildest dreams seem so small compared to God’s plan.

While I don’t know where this path will ultimately lead me I am not near as worried about the outcome as I used to be.  I am just savoring this ride with God, this time of feeling so close to Him and not wanting it to ever end. 

 No matter what story He wants me to tell or how He wants me to tell it- I am willing.

No matter where this path leads or how much of it He chooses to reveal at a time- I am willing.

No matter who thinks what or understands where He is leading my family- I am willing.

No matter how difficult or downright out of my comfort zone His call is- I am willing.

No matter when God asks me to serve Him- I am willing.

No matter why I don’t want to do His will or reasons I can rationalize His will away- I am willing.

Romans 12 states that offering our bodies as living sacrifices is a spiritual act of worship.  I am simply His vessel.  And I am willing.

Please know that the strength and resolve to do His will comes only from God.  Nothing good comes from me, it is Him alive in me and working through me.  Thank you, Jesus for the privilege.

My dad holding my nephew, Trey

We talked about my brothers, his work, my family and church stuff.  We just chatted about anything and everything.

So?  You talked to your dad on the phone.  Whoopie, right?

Well, it is a big deal.  A miracle of God’s restorative power kind of big deal. Until February of last year, my dad and I had not spoken in thirteen years.

And every time we speak since I am amazed at what God can do when we choose to forgive and allow relationships to be restored.

(Do I think that every relationship needs to be restored for true forgiveness to take place? No and my friend Brooke does a beautiful job of talking about that in greater detail here)

Back in the fall of 2008, while I was recovering from the medical emergency that nearly took my life, I was deeply convicted that God had kept me on this earth for a reason (several reasons really).  I set out, in faith and guided by my life chapter in Isaiah 58, to restore broken relationships.  And, being the overachiever I am, I started with the most difficult, my dad.

I was so scared.

I remember praying and crying out to God to let this be okay.  Let my family understand why I need to do this, let my dad be receptive, if he hasn’t changed from the man he was in the past help me have the strength to walk away.  I am obeying you, Father, in not turning my back on my own flesh and blood. Honor my faith, Lord.

I prayed all those things.

And since that day in February of 2009 that I stepped foot into my father’s house (and met his wife and my littlest brother) God has proven faithful.

He answered “Here am I”.

He has rebuilt the ancient ruins of my relationship with my earthly father, He has repaired the broken walls of my heart.

I talked to my Dad today and told Him thank you for keeping His promises. (Italicized portions are taken from scripture of Isaiah 58)