Radically Changed

She was pretty.

She was fast.

She was fun.

She was purple (Tungsten grey to be exact).

She was an impulsive, reckless choice.

She was part of my American dream.

I really thought I had arrived, way back in May 2006, when the hubby and I purchased my pretty, fast, fun and purple Mustang with racing stripes.  I was rapidly climbing the corporate ladder and drowning out the call of the Holy Spirit by working harder, spending harder and “accomplishing” as much as I possibly could.

It took a while but the Holy Spirit won.  Through the dark valleys of 2007 and 2008 and the roller coaster of following God’s lead in 2009, He won.  I am so glad He did. 

But, to be completely honest, I often find myself mentioning how much I miss my car.

And after reading chapter one of Radical (Taking Back Your Faith from the American Dream) as a family last night, it literally sickens me to admit that.  But, I need to. 

We need to.

I need to have the courage to admit to myself and to the world that our culture has watered down the gospel.  That Jesus did not say the American dream was His dream.  We have allowed ourselves to spin the Bible in a way that is comfortable to us yet despicable to Christ.

My family and I had tears in our eyes realizing the many ways we have bought into commercialized Christianity. We are actually looking forward (in a painful sort of way) to the ways that chapter 2 and beyond will stretch and grow us.  I want the promise of eternal satisfaction to be enough for me.

God has been growing our family to take in these words.  We see that now.  It may not be comfortable, we may not understand or even like the doors it opens but we see.  We are being radically changed by taking another look at what Jesus meant when He said “follow me”.  (Matthew 4:19).  I am not going to settle for a token donation to a face on my refrigerator every month.  I am going to learn to forsake, to follow, to surrender ALL. 

All to the One that came to die for me.  All to the One that bids me “come and die”.

I am trading my American dream in for a fishing pole.  Join me?

I am willing

I have long known one of the major areas God wanted me to minister in, I just didn’t like it.  But ever since I wrote this post in October of last year God has been revealing His path for my life right now.  I didn’t like it. 

Until I surrendered to it. 

 Now I am truly in awe of what a mighty God we serve and what He can accomplish through our willingness to lay down our “likes” to be used for His glory.

There are many stories in my life that God can use to illustrate His redemptive love.  Some I am more comfortable with sharing than others.  But the words (probably a paraphrase) of Beth Moore echo in my heart-

God is not concerned with our comfort, He is concerned with our calling. 

And in the last few weeks I have witnessed first hand the amazing power of God coupled with a willing (yet scared to death) heart:

• a desire to connect with moms of all ages through a local event has turned into a HUGE event and opportunity to share God’s love with a lot of people.  God has provided for every.single.detail I threw at Him as reasons why the event wouldn’t work or would be limited due to resources.  Please pray for our local Mom’s Nite Out event this Thursday evening!
• a position on a committee for a teen mom’s ministry has catapulted me into situation after situation where I am using my experience as a teen mom for God’s glory (that would be the story I like sharing the least because it is about mistakes I made.  God has humbled my heart and reminded me that it is not my story, it is His.)  Seeing women moved to tears through the words God places on my heart is overwhelming.  Accepting the love that He pours out to me through my decision to make myself vulnerable is overwhelming.  Watching God move through a community, opening hearts and hands, is overwhelming.  God is amazing!
• Events, activities and opportunities that I thought were important (to me and to God) are being removed from my path.  Doors are closing firmly in one direction while doors I didn’t even know existed are being flung open.  As I step through each one (with fear and trembling) God beckons me.  Dream bigger, dream crazier, dream My dreams….and as I dare to dream, my faith increases and my wildest dreams seem so small compared to God’s plan.

While I don’t know where this path will ultimately lead me I am not near as worried about the outcome as I used to be.  I am just savoring this ride with God, this time of feeling so close to Him and not wanting it to ever end. 

 No matter what story He wants me to tell or how He wants me to tell it- I am willing.

No matter where this path leads or how much of it He chooses to reveal at a time- I am willing.

No matter who thinks what or understands where He is leading my family- I am willing.

No matter how difficult or downright out of my comfort zone His call is- I am willing.

No matter when God asks me to serve Him- I am willing.

No matter why I don’t want to do His will or reasons I can rationalize His will away- I am willing.

Romans 12 states that offering our bodies as living sacrifices is a spiritual act of worship.  I am simply His vessel.  And I am willing.

Please know that the strength and resolve to do His will comes only from God.  Nothing good comes from me, it is Him alive in me and working through me.  Thank you, Jesus for the privilege.

Relationship Restoration

I just got off the phone with my dad.

We talked about my brothers, his work, my family and church stuff.  We just chatted about anything and everything.

So?  You talked to your dad on the phone.  Whoopie, right?

Well, it is a big deal.  A miracle of God’s restorative power kind of big deal. Until February of last year, my dad and I had not spoken in thirteen years.

And every time we speak since I am amazed at what God can do when we choose to forgive and allow relationships to be restored.

(Do I think that every relationship needs to be restored for true forgiveness to take place? No and my friend Brooke does a beautiful job of talking about that in greater detail here)

Back in the fall of 2008, while I was recovering from the medical emergency that nearly took my life, I was deeply convicted that God had kept me on this earth for a reason (several reasons really).  I set out, in faith and guided by my life chapter in Isaiah 58, to restore broken relationships.  And, being the overachiever I am, I started with the most difficult, my dad.

I was so scared.

I remember praying and crying out to God to let this be okay.  Let my family understand why I need to do this, let my dad be receptive, if he hasn’t changed from the man he was in the past help me have the strength to walk away.  I am obeying you, Father, in not turning my back on my own flesh and blood. Honor my faith, Lord.

I prayed all those things.

And since that day in February of 2009 that I stepped foot into my father’s house (and met his wife and my littlest brother) God has proven faithful.

He answered “Here am I”.

He has rebuilt the ancient ruins of my relationship with my earthly father, He has repaired the broken walls of my heart.

I talked to my Dad today and told Him thank you for keeping His promises. (Italicized portions are taken from scripture of Isaiah 58)