Sexting: Harmless Fun or Serious Issue?

Welcome to the first edition of Teen/Tween Thursday where each week I will be tackling an important issue facing our kids.

I am a mom of 12 and 13 year old boys, a 16 year old (bonus) son and a 15 year old sister.  I was a teen mom so I am fairly young (31) but am absolutely amazed at the way the world of teens has changed since I was my boys age(s).

I currently (and have in the past) work with teen moms, providing support, advice and showing the love of Jesus in a practical way.  So, teens are on my heart.

And, for the record, I am completely overwhelmed as a mom of teens/tweens.  Anyone that says that the toddler years are the most difficult have  yet experienced the mood swings and back talk of an adolescent!  I figured what better way to navigate the murky waters of parenting teens than sharing the experience on my blog and asking others to link their situations/thoughts/posts in the comments or via a linky. (which by the way is not going to happen today- crazy day- so if you have a post please link it in the comments)

On to today’s topic:

Sexting

From The View to prime time dramas like The Deep End, sexting is a hot topic in the media.  Is it as much of a widespread problem as it is made out to be or are these just kids being kids?  Here is my two cents:

Let’s start with a definition:

Sexting is the slang term for the use of a cell phone or other similar electronic device to distribute pictures or video of sexually explicit images. It can also refer to text messages of a sexually-charged nature. (via about.com)

Then some statistics:

According to a 2008 survey conducted by the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy:

• 20% of teenagers have sent text messages of a sexual nature (of themselves)
• 39% of teenagers have sent or posted sexually suggestive messages via electronic devices
• 48% of teenagers have received such messages
• 44% of teenagers admit that such messages are usually shared by the recipient with peers
• 52% of girls 11-16 say they sent these messages as a “sexy gift” to their boyfriend

There are many more disturbing statistics but I think a very valid and scary point is made by the numbers above.

In this day and age we need to be cognizant of the fact that our kids have grown up in a technologically fast paced world (they have moms that blog, for Pete’s sake =))  They have always known what it is like to have computers that fit in your lap and cell phones that not only fit in your pocket but take pictures.

I don’t know if you remember being a teen but temptation and peer pressure certainly existed in my life during that time.  Easy access to the internet, Facebook and smartphones did not.  Our kids are facing all of the above.  As a lawyer on The Deep End said “Aren’t you glad they didn’t have cell phones with cameras when we were sixteen?”

When we dealt with sexting in our home recently I did not handle it well (AT ALL) at first.  Then I took a deep breath, prayed and did some research.

I realized a myriad of things but the most important is that over reacting pushes your child away.  A child that shuts down is not a teachable child.

Next, I learned that being the recipient of such a message does not mean the child requested (nor was comfortable with) receiving it.

Third, I discovered that kids feel a sense of empowerment behind an electronic device that they don’t necessarily have face to face.  (This can be dangerous if such a text is sent to someone that is older or more experienced in sexual matters than the child sending the text)

Lastly, and so easy to forget, sexting is a behavior.  A child that sends an inappropriate message is not a bad child.  Rather they are exhibiting behavior that their brains are not mature enough to forecast the consequences of.

As parents of teens/tweens we have to be the forecaster.  The weatherman (or woman) for things to come.  Sit down and talk with your kids about sexting.  Come up with a plan for what you expect them to do if they are ever on the receiving end of a message.  Talk about appropriate parameters for boy/girl relationships.

And then point them to the media and the coverage of the kids who have been charged as sex offenders for forwarding the messages sent to their phones.  Sexting is considered a crime in many states and one seemingly unimportant decision can end up affecting your child’s life far into adulthood.

Lord, our kids are encountering challenges we did not as kids.  Open our eyes to the issues they face.  Show us how to help them navigate the waters of these crucial years and give us the strength, patience and wisdom to show them Your love through our actions and words. ~Amen

Any comments? ideas? fears?

Friendships and Relationships

“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: “What! You, too? Thought I was the only one”.  C.S Lewis

I find myself very excited about a conference I am attending next week in Nashville, TN (but no, I am not thrilled to be going back to the scene of the eight hour truck stop nightmare that was our Christmas trip).

I look forward to learning ways to become a better writer and a better blogger.  But, even more exciting than that I am excited to hang out with my friends. (some of whom I have never met in real life)

Through my journey of leaving corporate America, starting my own small business, becoming chronically ill (amongst a myriad of family issues I won’t discuss on my blog) and agreeing to follow God’s call on my life; I grew apart from several of my (in real life) friends.

Sometimes, when you are going through something painful in your life (or a series of painful somethings as the case may be) you withdraw from those you love (or am I the only one that does that?)

Sometimes, you withdraw- not out of a feeling of embarrassment or weakness- but out of a deep desire to protect them from the ugliness that surrounds the issue(s) you are dealing with.

While I am eternally grateful for the IRL friends who have stuck it out with me over the last few years I am equally grateful for the friendships I have made through the internet.

Even my hubby didn’t “get” my “twittering” (as he calls it) and blogging for quite a while.  He didn’t understand why I was dropping everything to hit my knees for a baby I didn’t know, why I was “dragging” him to meet “total strangers” (whom he ended up adoring as much as I do), why I “do things for free” volunteer my time and skills to people needing help.

He got a glimpse of the “why” when he accompanied me to Las Vegas in October.  He attended one cocktail party, sponsored by Sitscation, and met incredible women that are just like me.  We still laugh about the fact that we were at a party and every woman had some sort of electronic device to Twitter and Whrrl with.

Here is the point of my long winded (and wordy) post: In my own strength I’m not that good at friendships (or relationships in general).  But my Heavenly Father knows me better than I know myself.  So He opened the door (or browser window) to some incredible connections that I get to nurture (and unwrap)  in just a few days.

Join us for more Tuesdays Unwrapped here.