Utter, complete dependence on God. {Psalm 70:5}

The finite nature of our life.  {James 4:14}

How our bodies are designed to need true Sabbath rest.  {Isaiah 58:13-14}

That everyone has a thorn in their flesh, mine happens to be dressed up as lupus.  {II Corinthians 12:7}

Knowing all of these things doesn’t make the excruciating pain go away.  It doesn’t remove the bone deep fatigue that plagues my day.  Knowing doesn’t help me remember appointments or be less distracted.

But, knowing helps me maintain perspective.{Colossians 3:2}

And being grateful for the everyday little things {like the opportunity to sneak in a nap} and the miracles {I’m still alive} keep me focused on what is truly important.

Seeing the good can be hard through the dark lens of illness.  It requires a conscious effort to look for the positive and maintaining a connection to the Vine.

I had the privilege of being interviewed on the Family Health Matters radio show about living “Chronically Well” today. You can listen below:

This post is linked here:

1.  Invisible illness is isolating. Let’s face it, people get tired of hearing about your “aches and pains”, tired of having you cancel at the last minute because you suddenly feel like you’ve been hit by a truck, etc.  At least, I think they get tired of it so I withdraw, not wanting to be a bother.  Loneliness is a frequent companion.

2.  Invisible illness is unpredictable. I can go to bed feeling fine and wake up, unable to get out of the same bed.  For a Type A planning person like me, this is the bane of my existence.

3.  Invisible illness makes you stronger.  I have found an inner strength I didn’t know I possessed.  The strength to keep going no matter how tired, the strength to be there for my kids regardless of how I feel, the strength to invest energy I don’t have in my marriage, the strength to be myself and to love who I am.  I know that God allowed this in my life for a reason and the strength that I possess comes from Him directly.  This doesn’t mean I am always strong!  Please understand that.  But the bad days are bearable because I know {that I know that I know} this is just my earthly circumstance.

4.  Invisible illness is not your fault.  For the longest time, I searched for the reason for my illness{es}.  Was I eating the wrong thing?  Handling stress the wrong way?  Exposed to toxins?  Don’t get me wrong, those are all important things but NOTHING I did {or you have done} or didn’t do, made me sick.  We live in a fallen world where illness and pain abound.  However, how I handle my illness is up to me.

5.  When dealing with invisible illness, you will find {and need} your faith.  There are studies that show that prayer and a strong spiritual foundation aid in healing and psycho-social well being.  My journey with MS, lupus {and the related blood clotting disorder that almost took my life}has brought me closer to God than I ever knew possible.  In this way, I consider my illness a gift.  The vulnerability and desperation brought on by being sick has made me more dependent on my Heavenly Father and I will never wish that had not taken place.

6.  Invisible illness affects everyone, not just the “sick” one.  Marriage, parenting, friendships, sibling relationships, work, church- my illness is a part of my life so it impacts everyone in my life.  Being aware of this helps insure that I keep others feelings and needs in mind and not give in to the temptation to become self focused.

7.  Invisible illness does not have to define you. I am a daughter of the Most High King, a mama to four, Mimi to one little Sweet Pea, wife to an amazing man, lover of words, student of The Word, friend, sister, auntie, teacher, speaker, coffee guzzler, teen mom advocate who happens to live with chronic illness.  God designed me to be me and nothing, including invisible illness, will take that ability from me.

8.  When you have invisible illness, you need a doctor that is invested in you.  So many physicians are motivated by money rather than patient care.  We all deserve a doctor that pays attention and genuinely cares about positive outcomes.  Look until you find the right fit for you- it can literally be a life and death decision.  I have been so blessed with the physicians I have found.  {I joke that I have an “ologist” for every body part and then some}  One of the reasons I am happy with my medical team is because I have not hesitated to move on when I have come across a doctor that did not take my opinions, questions or suggestions seriously.

9.  The internet is a lifeline when you live with invisible illness.  I discovered blogging quite by accident back in 2008.  A few months after I was diagnosed with MS, I was looking for information and came across several blogs that were informative.  Then, I discovered Twitter, started blogging on my own and connected with other like minded women.  My life has been richly blessed by my friends that live in the computer {many of whom I have met in real life and love dearly}.  I am eternally grateful for the ability to connect with a friend, anytime, anywhere.  The value of that connection is priceless when you are laid up in bed for weeks at a time.

10.  Invisible illness will make you regret it if you push yourself too far.  Oh, how hard this lesson has been for me to learn.  When I do too much, push through when I shouldn’t, ignore the warning signs of a flare..I regret it.  Rest, hydration, not doing too much- these are all necessary for me to maintain my health.  I suffer and my family suffers if I push past my limits {but I do anyway because I am one stubborn woman}.

This week {September 12-18, 2011} is Invisible Illness Awareness Week. I will be writing more about this topic this week.

Do you know someone that lives with an invisible illness?  Do you live with one?  I would love to pray for you {or your friend}.  Please leave a comment with your first name and the illness you live with and I would be honored to lift you up to our Healer.

This post is linked to Top Ten Tuesday at Oh Amanda.

I am in a place of rest, quiet and peace.  A beautiful place to be, honestly.  Different circumstances would be preferable but I am used to my health being an issue.

My liver function is not normal right now.  The doctors are attempting to figure out why and until then {and possibly indefinitely} I am off the medications used to contain and treat both my MS and lupus.  I am very tired and somewhat nauseous…I had a week full of tests and appointments last week and this week looks much the same.

People in my everyday life often comment about how “at peace” I am when things like this occur in my life.

Can I please be transparent with you?

I have NOT always been at peace.  God grew me to this place through some incredibly dark and difficult days.

And I am NOT always at peace.  When I lay in bed, I have to fight off bad thoughts, self pity and running through worse case scenarios in my mind.  I have even been having nightmares some nights.

In most moments, however, I am at complete and total peace.  None of this is a surprise to my Jesus.  Nothing passes through His filter and in to my life that He is not going to use for His purposes and my ultimate good.

Do I wish that my kids didn’t have to worry about their mama’s health all the time?  Sometimes

Do I feel like a burden to my hardworking hubby?  Sometimes

Do I feel like even posting about this latest health issue is somewhat whiny and weak? Somewhat

Do I wish that I could take a simple Tylenol for my aches and pains? Yes

Do I know that God has my days numbered in His book and the condition of my liver doesn’t change that? Absolutely

Do I know that all things are working out for good through all of this?  Definitely

Do I know that the Great Physician is in charge?  You betcha

What I know for sure is so much better than what I feel.

For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.  II Corinthians 4:17

Rest.

Doctor appointments

Labs

and…I’m not well.

Just another thorn in my flesh.

Please be patient because posting will be sporadic for a while.

I would greatly appreciate prayers for stamina this Friday as I speak at a Father/Daughter Banquet.  And for God’s wisdom when my hubby and I meet with a specialist on Thursday at 4:15pm.

I chose to speak about how living WELL with chronic illness is something I am passionate about. It is easy to get depressed and caught up in the negative aspects of illness.  I much prefer to focus on the blessings{and I think it is ultimately better for my health that way}.

Here is the clip of my interview:

What is an issue you care deeply about?  I would love to know so please leave me a comment!

I am pretty sure both my thumbs are black.

When we downsized and moved in December, I didn’t pay much attention the landscaping on our new home’s lot.

I was so pleasantly surprised a few weeks ago when pretty pink bushes bloomed out front.  A luscious purple bush in the back, with a perfect view from the screened in porch. And then, my favorite, the bluish purple flowers that are weaving their way up our lamp post in the front yard.

I am not a gardener.

I don’t know a chrysanthemum from a forsynthia but I do know pretty when I see it.

I appreciate the beauty of the flowers and at the same time I realize that under my lethal eye, those plants probably won’t last long.

My flower has faded these past few days.  Withered in pain and fatigue from an illness that is sneaky and demanding.

And, the gift of today is knowing that no matter what flower fades in my life, my God and His Word are the same.  Yesterday. Today. Forever.

What a gift.

  Join us in unwrapping our gifts here today.

Ha! That could be the theme of my life so I decided to do a little time line post of how God took the unexpected (to me, not to Him) and worked it for good in my life.

• Time in foster care When I was a tween girl my family imploded.  The result was myself (and eventually my brothers) being removed from our home for a time.  While I am fortunate that my time in foster care  was not long term (about a year and then I went to live with my grandparents) I am thankful for it now.  It softened my heart and created a passion in me for orphans and foster children to have forever families.
• Teen pregnancy While it can be argued that pregnancy should not have surprised me, given my promiscuous lifestyle at the time, I was nonetheless shocked when I learned I was pregnant at 16.  Those of you that know the rest of the story know that being a teen mom is what led me to finding the redeeming grace of Jesus.  How can I not be thankful for that?
• Chronic Illness I certainly never imagined that diseases I cannot control would have such an impact on my life.  But, like only He can, God has used my inability to maintain my previous break-neck speed lifestyle to woo me back to His side.  I have such a feeling of purpose and peace that I didn’t know before I became ill.

I could go on and on about the way God has used unexpected trials to produce unlimited blessings and growth in my life.  And I am so thankful for every one!

Today’s show will focus on Optimism and Chronic Illness.

Here are some links I mention in the show, in case you weren’t able to catch them and the outline of what we will be discussing.

The Power of Attitude:

American Autoimmune Related Diseases Assoc.

Great book: Living Well with Autoimmune Disease

How to have a positive attitude:

• Educate yourself
• Take care of yourself
• Manage fatigue
• Enjoy yourself
• Maintain healthy relationships
• Mind over matter
• Expect bumps (fmaware.org)
• Stockpile fun distractions (fmaware.org)
• Find a hobby (helium)

Are you an optimist or pessimist quiz?  Lifescript

Remember that if you miss the live show, it is available for replay anytime!

People are often taken aback when I say that I am thankful for my illness.  There are many reasons that I feel that my MS diagnosis has been a blessing for me and my family.  I would have probably never slowed down and lived for the moment if not for MS.  I would not have been forced to deal with the deep-seated emotional issues I had spent my whole life holding in.  I would not have learned to let go of the small stuff and be (a tad) less controlling.

In the grand scheme of things our time on this earth is not about us.  It is about how we live our lives for God’s glory.  I spent a week or two really upset last month when I found out I also have systemic lupus. “It’s not fair” and “why me” came out of my mouth and my heart.  I was feeling very sorry for myself And then I remembered:  my trials and issues are really insignificant.  When you are able to step out of your pity party and look at the world around you, it is easy to see that I don’t have it so bad.  I have learned about the plight of chronically ill people in third world countries- hello?  How can I complain when they have no access to healthcare at all?  There are orphans in Eastern Europe that are institutionalized for life (just put in cribs at the age of four) simply because they have Down Syndrome.  Babies that are suffocated at birth because of deformities.

I think of how much this type of atrocity must pain our Lord.  How He must yearn for us to get out of our own little self absorbed box and find ways to help those that are less fortunate and more oppressed than we could ever imagine being.

What would the world be like if we all took an interest in other people’s problems rather than our own?  If we focused on loving everyone we come in contact with instead of trying to leverage situations for our own benefit?

I have been just as guilty as the rest of allowing myself to wallow in my trials.  But, the Lord is speaking to my heart so loudly lately, particularly through a passage in Isaiah 58:6-12

Is this not the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break over every yoke?  Is it not to share your food with the hungry and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter-when you see the naked, to clothe him, and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?  Then your light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear; then your righteousness will go before you, and the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard.  Then you will call, and the Lord will answer; you will cry for help, and he will say:  Here am I.

If you do away with the yoke of oppression, with the pointing finger and malicious talk, and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry and satisfy the needs of the oppressed, then your light will rise in the darkness and your night will become like the noonday.

The Lord will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sunscorched land and will strengthen your frame.  You will be like a well watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail.

Now, I don’t know about you but I am interested in feeling like a well watered garden and am thankful the Lord provides the guidelines for doing so.

And, in the midst of a season of thankfulness I pray that none of us lose sight of the true reason for the season!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Tomorrow’s show topic is Minimizing the Impact of Your Illness on Your Loved Ones.  Here are some tips related to what I share on the show.

• Your family member’s are not stupid, don’t treat them like they are.  Don’t say “I’m fine” if you aren’t.  Trust is an important component of family life.  Don’t become someone your family doesn’t trust.
• Remember that there are things children do not need to know specifics about (including finances and treatments)
• Resist the temptation to downplay your hubby’s headache when everything on your body hurts. Don’t make it a “one up” type of situation.
• If you lash out in anger, forget something important, etc.- apologize.  Don’t apologize for your illness but for your behavior.
• Plan your day so that you are at your best when you are around your family.  If that means taking a nap before they get home, it is worth it.
• Don’t buy in to the lie of the Devil that you are a burden or problem to your family. They love you and need you.
• Reach out.  Don’t shut out.

For all my tips and thoughts on this subject watch the Invisibles tomorrow.