Yet, when I sit here all I can think about are the 143 million+ orphans around the world that need forever families.  The over 1/2 million kids in the US foster care system that need their families loved on and repaired.  The over 100,000 that can’t go back home and need new families to step up and love them, despite their tough exteriors.  The teen mom’s that I serve on a daily basis that need mentors to help them become the best mothers they can be.  The medically fragile children that lay dying in orphanages. The children that go to bed hungry in our country and abroad.  The 30,000 kids that die every day of preventable, treatable illnesses.

My heart bleeds.  My eyes leak.

The Bible makes it very clear that these children are precious to the heart of God.

Adoption is at the very core of God’s plan for redemption and salvation.

So, today, instead of writing anything else I want to encourage you to visit some sites where you can learn and help and I pray that your heart is pricked for what hurts His.

No Greater Joy Mom
Adeye is sharing powerful testimonies on her blog this month, in honor of National Adoption Month. Grab your tissues!

Compassion Bloggers in Ecuador

Some of my all time favorite bloggers are serving Jesus in Ecuador this week and sharing the stories with us.

Ekubo Ministries

One of my favorite ministries in Uganda, loving and serving the people there.

Mercy House, Kenya

A ministry to unwed mothers in Kenya, truly a miracle working place.

Young Lives of Eastern Panhandle

Where I live out a calling to love on teen moms and their kids

ODD

PTSD

“We are absolutely amazed that you have stuck with him this long”

“It would be completely understood if you walked away from this child right now”

Those were some of the labels and statements made to my husband and I, by social workers, psychiatrists and therapists, over the last 12 years of raising Jason.

“He is incapable of feeling empathy”

“He will never be the child you think he can be”

When you hear those things on a regular basis and life at home is full of violent confrontations, rejection and despair–you can be tempted to believe it.  I fought hard {in my flesh} against the constant temptation to throw in the towel.

In 2006, I learned one of the most horrific things about my son that any mother can imagine.  I sunk deep into a hole of self-pity, defeat and did not see how this particular wrong could ever be rectified.

I did not see the way through the fog of darkness and sin because I was looking through my own lens.

When I finally grasped a hold of Truth, God moved mountains.

God is able to make all grace abound, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.  II Corinthians 9:8 {emphasis mine}

My boys, who weren’t allowed to see each other for three years, were reunited and the restorative power of God will never cease to amaze me.

My son, who I was told would never feel any genuine feelings, took his sister and I out to celebrate Mother’s Day of his own volition {and money} this year.

Miss S always makes funny faces in our pics :p

This boy turned man, who used to hit me and scratch me yet only wanted me to tuck him in, is smiling a genuine-happy-I-love-my-mom smile.

He has hopes and dreams and plans for his future.

And, he is graduating this year.  This weekend we will celebrate a milestone with the child I was told to give up on.

Friends, God is still in the miracle business.

And the counting of gifts continues…

~ new knee brace that allows me to drive {after 67 days!!}

~ Sweet Pea’s curls

~ being together with all of my children

~ the restorative and redemptive power of Almighty God

~ breeze coming through the windows on a beautiful morning

~ the post-rain cool

~ going through old photos, awe-struck at how God works

~ chunky necklaces

~ physical therapy {aka physical torture}

~ sitting in church with my boys

What are you thankful for?

Driving on curvy mountain roads

Admiring the snow blanketing the landscape

Remembering why I love living in West Virginia

Miss S and I pull into a quaint little town, a tad over an hour from our home, as we do at least one time a month.

We find the little sign that indicates we have reached our destination

We gather a birthday present, Sweet Pea and her diaper bag and of course, the camera.

And we go see Mr S.

He turns 10 years old tomorrow.  He has a smile that lights up a room {I wish that I could show it to you}  He loves spending time with his big sis, Miss S.

Mr S has Down Syndrome and is in the foster care system {as his sister was before she aged out}

He lives in a wonderful group home with caretakers that love him, teach him sign language {he is non-verbal} and eat family style meals with him three times a day.

He likes to do chores, especially sweeping and vacuuming.

I love visiting with him.  I love seeing him interact with Miss S and I love what it does for her soul to see her brother on a regular basis.  We had a great time today as he played with the car that Miss S got him for his birthday. Our time with him was full of smiles, laughter and hugs.

But, each time we leave that little town and begin the road trip back home, my heart hurts.

My heart hurts for the thousands of children with down syndrome that live in other parts of the world, most that if not adopted, that will not live to see their 10th birthday.  Children with down syndrome in other countries, such as the Ukraine, are transferred to institutions on their 4th birthday.  They are not eligible for adoption after that move and many do not survive the first year.

Would you join me in praying for the special {in more ways than one} children and consider helping them find their forever families?  Details about how you can help are available through a wonderful ministry called Reece’s Rainbow.

to watch this video and not be moved.

to read God’s Word and not see His heart for orphans

to not be moved to give to this incredible cause.

Go ahead and watch:

I dare you!

http://www.onetruemedia.com/shared?p=c31c5b34c11927a7e1ddb4&skin_id=1901&utm_source=otm&utm_medium=text_url

Is that not the cutest face you have ever seen?

I have committed to praying that this little guy finds a forever family and fundraising for his adoption fund this month.

The Bible has a lot to say about caring for widows and orphans…to my count, this mandate is mentioned at least 47 times in Scripture.

Verses like these move my heart:

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress… James 1:27

A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling.  God sets the lonely in families…Psalm 68:5-6

Adoption is God’s plan.  And, I will be devoting each Wednesday for the next few weeks to talking about the ministry of Reece’s Rainbow and how they assist helpless children find forever families.

How can you help?

• Pray for their ministry.
• Donate to Blake’s adoption fund {there is a chip-in widget on my side bar}.
• Research adoption needs/issues.

Heavenly Father, I come to you with my heart broken for the plight of orphans, particularly sweet little Blake and others like him, who are considered worthless and a punishment from you because they have developmental delays.  Please be with Blake.  Keep him safe, healthy and warm and bring his forever family to him soon.  Any part that my readers and I can play in that, reveal to us and soften our hearts towards.  In Jesus Holy Name, Amen.

Who would have thought that a rickety roller coaster and a sweltering day at a cheesy quaint amusement park could bridge huge holes of the heart?

God.

Who would have thought that the day would be full of smiles and fun, rather than anxiety and angst?

God.

Who would have thought that racing go-karts together (see daddy way there in the back, ha!) would be freeing in so many ways?

God.

Who knew that this mama’s heart would behold {all} her children reunited on this side of heaven?

God.

Saturday was a very special day for our family.  It was the first time we had all been together, the five of us, in the same place at the same time in THREE years!

God gave me a gift that I had given up on a long time ago. 

And I have been unwrapping it ever since!

{If you haven’t been here long and this post confuses you, you can read some of the back story here and here.}

Now, reading Radical, has lit a fire under that passion once again. Reignited the passion of my heart in a way that can’t and won’t burn out.

 Yes, my hubby and I donate to Reece’s Rainbow and Compassion and many other agencies but we want to do more.  We need to do more.

I am spending a lot of time asking God how He would like us to proceed- what should we be doing to help.  Our help will take many different forms over the next few months but today I feel God wanting me to use this platform- my blog- to raise awareness.

The title of this blog post comes straight out of the Word:

A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in His holy dwelling.  God sets the lonely in families…Psalm 68: 5-6a

A blogging friend that I had the pleasure of meeting in February recently traveled to Africa with Compassion International.  The posts she wrote from their stirred my heart.  The photos were gripping.  And she was changed. 

There is a verse in Proverbs that says:

Don’t excuse yourself by saying, “Look, we didn’t know.”
      For God understands all hearts, and he sees you.
   He who guards your soul knows you knew.
      He will repay all people as their actions deserve. Proverbs 24:12

How about this version from another translation:

 Rescue the perishing;
   don’t hesitate to step in and help.
If you say, “Hey, that’s none of my business,”
   will that get you off the hook?
Someone is watching you closely, you know—
   Someone not impressed with weak excuses. (The Message)

Those verses pierce my heart.  Because I know it.  I see it. 

The commercials on TV that make me cringe and change the channel.

The blog posts from my friends who have heeded the call to care for the orphan through adoption or mission work.

I will not be able to stand before God and say “but I didn’t know”.  Because I do know.  We all know.

So, what are we called to do about it?

I can’t answer that for you. It is between you and God.  What I can say is that James 1:27 was not written for a select few.  It was written to all who read and believe in God’s Word.  And what He said is this:

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this; to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.  James 1:27

The world has polluted us into believing that we aren’t responsible for the 147 million orphans around this world.  For the 26, 000 children that will die today from preventable, treatable conditions. WE ARE RESPONSIBLE!

As my family and I sort through what God wants us to do next, I’m not going to do nothing in the interim.  Wouldn’t the enemy just love that?  Get me riled up, let me feel passionate and then discover how overwhelming the need is and decide to do nothing?  No, that is not the way.  We are mighty warriors that serve the powerful God.  If this is what He sees as pure and faultless, isn’t it obvious that He will provide ways for us to make life better for these hurting people?

Kristen hosted an adoption link-up where families adopting could post their needs and we, as Christians, can help meet those needs.  Here are a few whose heart and creativity really touched me:

Adoption magnets

Custom Clothes

CD’s

Custom Art

Hope Suds

T-shirt (that I love!)

Signs of Faith

And there were more!  Those are just a few of the ways you can make a difference in an orphan’s life.

Then, in a very God ordained sort of way, I read this post from another blog I follow.  Today.  Yes, I don’t believe in coincidences either. 

What are we supposed to do?  I think the answer is actually quite simple.

Do something!

Today is the day that we (adoptive parents everywhere) are speaking the truth about our adoption experiences (the good, the bad and the ugly) in the hopes that people everywhere understand that while adoption may not be easy it is FOREVER.

Here is my story:

As most of you know my oldest son is adopted (by me, he is my husband’s biological son).  I met Jason when he was about to turn three.  Having been through a lot in my own childhood I immediately recognized that Jason wasn’t growing up in a good environment.  He called me “mom” just because I was his daddy’s girlfriend.

The next time I saw him (a few months later) he was jumpy and afraid of the dark.  He wet the bed.  Lots of red flags.  He lived over 1000 miles away so keeping an eye on the situation proved difficult.

In 1997, when Jason was four we received a phone call in the middle of the night from a neighbor of his bio mom’s.  She had searched information for our number, only knowing my husband’s last name.  I won’t go into the details of that call here but the next day began our quest to get custody of Jason.  After almost two years, thousands of dollars in legal fees, thousands of miles back and forth from Iowa to West Virginia and two more years of abuse and neglect, we succeeded.  We were awarded full custody of Jason in March 1999.  After abuse and neglect continued during visitations between Jason and his bio mom, her parental rights were terminated and I adopted Jason as my own in September 2000.

When a child experiences bonding issues with their bio mom, are exposed to unmentionable abuse and neglect the scars run deep.  And those scars cause them to lash out.  Particularly to the person that represents the person that hurt them.  In this case- me.  Jason was hurt by his bio mom in so many ways and then I became his mom. 

I love Jason because he is part of my husband.  I love him because he is my son.  But I also love him because I understand.  I know what it is to be hurt by the person that is supposed to care for you more than anything.

So I took it.  Punches, kicks, hair pulling, bruises, name calling (so sad to me that he even knew those words).  I excused it, hid it and took it.

Because there were also hugs, kisses, special moments when it seemed he would be okay.  We did everything “right”- therapy, IEP’s and love, lots of love.  We learned how to restrain a child when he was raging, but even when he was eight and nine I wasn’t physically strong enough.  Only my husband could.  And he worked…a lot.

Jason didn’t just have a problem with authority at home.  It translated everywhere…school, church, public places.  We began to not be able to go anywhere as a family.  Mike would have to stay home with Jason and the other boys and I would go or vice versa.  We became isolated, lost friends and our family started to splinter.

He would run away from school, hit his teacher’s and hurt other students.  His anger was palpable and his hurt ran so deep.  The courts intervened in 2004.  Our eleven year old son had a probation officer.  If he messed up at school, hurt me or hurt his brothers he would be taken away.  Kind of setting him up to fail.

And in December 2004, Jason was taken from us.  He was deemed to be a danger to himself and others and placed in a residential facility for troubled children. 

I felt like the life had been sucked out of me.  We just wanted him to be okay.  His placement was 3 hours away from our home.  Our weekends became road trips.  Labels were given: conduct disorder, attachment disorder, PTSD.

In June of 2007 our lives were turned completely upside down. Jason was about to come home from residential treatment and the judge that had originally ordered him there had requested an evaluation by several different types of therapists before he would sign the final order.  One of those therapists was a juvenile sex offender treatment therapist. {Jason had displayed sexual acting out behaviors since he was very little}

The findings of her evaluation changed our lives forever.  Jason disclosed things that not only made the judge rule that Jason could not return home but that he could also have no contact with his brothers, our other children.

The judge ordered Jason to a sex offender treatment program (three hours from our home).  Jason was there for over a year.  It was like a prison.  All the kids wore the same clothes, same shoes, bars on the windows.  We could only visit him once a month and it had to be in a room with all the other kids visiting their loved ones and we could only hug him when we left.  It was the worst year of my life (and that is saying a lot considering the things I have been through)

Jason is not allowed to have any contact with Jared and Matthew  by court order.  It is heartbreaking to try to be a mom to brothers who are forbidden to see each other.  When Mike and I visit Jason on the weekends (he is closer now so we get to see him weekly) we have to leave Jared and Matt behind. When we talk to him on the phone we have to go in another room. Family holidays, birthdays- it has just thrown our whole family a curveball we could have never expected. 

We get through, by the grace of God.  We are defining what family looks like when we can’t all be under the same roof.  Jason is doing well at his boarding school and is even getting his permit and a job this summer.  But, his life has not been easy.  He struggles under the constant weight of his early childhood.

If you have stuck with this post so far, you should know that I would never abandon Jason. And it is not because he is related to my husband by blood.

 No matter what happened, he is my son. I made that choice from the day we began the custody process and stood before a judge and agreed to be his mama as if I had given birth to him myself.

And, although our road has been far from what I envisioned it to be eleven years ago, I consider it a privilege to be his mama.

Every placement that Jason has had, every counselor, every social worker has commented on my commitment to him.  How many people have walked away (from children they gave birth to) over much less.  When you know what it means to be abandoned it strengthens your resolve to never let a child you know feel that way again.

Adoption is God’s plan. Period. End of story.  What if God decided that we were too much?  Too sinful?  Too violent?  Made too many mistakes?  How many of us would be worthy of salvation?  Of Him being our Heavenly Father?

Not.one.of.us. 

Thank God adoption is forever!

(I am sorry for the length of this post but I had to share my heart on this.  While I have been as vague as possible I would ask that if you know my family in person you not discuss the details in this post with my children.  It is obviously a very sensitive and difficult situation for our family.)

His (almost) three year old little self pulls me energetically towards the kittens down the hall… “Tome on mommy, let’s go look at the kitties” (except he said his hard c’s and k’s like t’s so you can imagine how comical that was).  The fact that he is calling me mommy just a few days after we met is not lost on me and I feel the weight of what that could mean with each step down the hall.

He’s my son.

(Almost) three years later we sit in the back of the car together.  He again slides his hand into mine as we drive away from his old life and toward a new life in our home.  He is stoic, already jaded by his experiences and the disappointments life can present.  He doesn’t cry. He doesn’t ask why.  He just holds my hand and doesn’t look back.

He’s my son.

(almost) Three years later he struggles to integrate into a “normal” family.  Life is full of extremes.  One minute enjoying the warmth of his mama’s lap while she reads Captain Underpants, the next striking out in anger because he didn’t like the way his eggs were cooked.  One day winning the county art award for his drawing of outer space, aptly entitled “I’d Rather Be Dreaming”, the next hiding under his bed and screaming like a caged animal at the thought of going to school.  One day having a sleep over birthday party with his friends and eating ice cream cake that turned his teeth black, the next being admitted to the psychiatric hospital (again) for being unable to control his anger and hurting his brothers and I. The adoption becomes final and it’s official…

He’s my son.

(almost) three years later and he lives in a “therapeutic” setting.  His behavior controlled for the most part, after years of therapy and learning the skills he didn’t learn at those critical years between 1 and 5.  One day he tries to do his best, the next he feels hopeless and wonders why he should bother.  He wishes he could come home, so do I.  He grows tall and handsome like his daddy.  He just may be okay.

He’s my son.

“Come on, mom.  I want to show you something”.  Now taller than me, he still longs to please me.  He opens a book, full of drawings of wild cats.  “I think I know what I want to do when I get out of here” (otherwise known as graduate).  He has hopes, he has dreams.  He has potential.  And, despite all that has transpired in the last 14 years…

He’s my son.

And I love him.  I’m proud of him. If I could take away his struggles I would.  If I could bear his burden myself I would.  If I could change what happened to him and what he did to us I would.  Gladly.  Happily.  Knowing that my boy would be okay.

He is seventeen today.  Almost a full grown man.  And still…you guessed it, my son.  This video says it better than I ever could.  And, is perfect for Holy Week.  Thinking of what another mother must have been feeling two thousand years ago.

Happy Birthday, Jason!  I love you!

When I first started blogging I discovered the website, Reece’s Rainbow.  This is a ministry serving the needs of children around the world with Down Syndrome and other special needs, helping them find their forever families.  While it was not in the cards for my husband and I to adopt any of these special kids (my heart for our family is foster care) I will never tire of raising awareness of this special ministry.

On March 21, 2010 (to honor the 3rd copy of the 21st chromosome presented in Down syndrome), the world comes together to raise awareness and advocate for people living with Down syndrome.

Because Reece’s Rainbow has an international focus, we are doing our part to further the recognition of this very special day!

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress…

Look at this beautiful little girl and tell me she was not lovingly made by our Creator (Psalm 139).