I have two posts in draft that I just don’t feel led to hit publish on right now but just know, God and I are going through some stuff together.  Confidence was definitely the right word to choose for 2012.  Stay tuned for an announcement and a fresh series on prayer beginning February 15th.

Now, for the week in review…

I turned 33 this week and a sweet young friend made me this pretty cake Thank you, Halie!  I had a wonderful birthday trip with the hubby (the pictures are tucked in this post)

I am pathetically inept at doing this little girls hair in the morning.  Mimi needs some lessons (and some tips for getting her to sit still without the neighbors thinking I am attempting to murder her)

Uncle Matt (or Mot as Sweet Pea pronounces it) was kind enough to read her a story so I could meet a deadline.

He was rewarded with a much needed haircut

Sweet Pea ended the week with a bad case of hives (apparently an allergic reaction to the antibiotic for her double ear infection) I had to take a picture to send to her mama.  Did I mention her mama will be home in less than a month and I can go back to being Mimi?  Pshew, y’all.  16 month olds are exhausting, but in a sweet and precious way!

The big dose of Benadryl she got at the doctors made Sweet Pea sleepy. Uncle Jared made for a comfy nap spot while he was watching ESPN.

I have to say, crazy week or not, I love my life and thank God for every moment!

I know, I know.  Big surprise, right?

Maybe I am reveling in the fire of a brand new calendar.  Maybe I am tortured by regret.  Maybe I just need a break.

For Christmas/my birthday present, the hubby and I are sneaking away for a few days this weekend.  We aren’t going terribly far but far enough.  We have no set agenda, just a great list of cheap to free things to do in a town I enjoy.  Reservations at a plush hotel with a soaking tub.  Can I get an amen?

I could not be more excited {nor more thankful for the brave friend that is going to chaperone and chauffeur two of my teenagers around while running after Sweet Pea}!!!

Excursions like this, the anticipation of time alone with the man I love, remind me why such events are necessary for a healthy relationship.

• Couples need time to reconnect. We will celebrate our 15th wedding anniversary in July and I could not be happier that I married Michael Smallwood.  But sometimes, we need time to remember those little things that brought us together in the first place.  Time that is not easily found amidst the hustle and bustle of raising kids, juggling work and ministry and…..time together is sacred.  Time to let our breath find the same rhythm.  Time to talk about something other than the bills, the kids, the car or the dog. Time to be together.
• Couples need to have fun together.  Mike and I love to ride his motorcycle {although this outing is happening in January so no Harley riding}.  That is typically our default get away, even if it is just up the road to get ice cream.  With my knee injury and subsequent surgery/rehabilitation last year, our little getaways were stunted.  I am looking forward to laughing at his jokes, being silly “tourists” and enjoying time with my hubby.
• Couples need to unplug. {particularly this half of the couple}.  I am not taking my laptop and have agreed to *gasp* turn off my iPhone {except to take silly “tourist” pictures}.  Mike will have his non-smart phone in case of emergencies but there will be no Pinterest, no Facebook, no Twitter, no Words with Friends, no blogging.  He wants time with me where I am not distracted by social media or work.  And, whether I want to admit it or not, I need that time too.
• Couples need to make their marriage a priority.  Two of our kids have started to depart from the nest.  The two younger ones will be in college in less than four years.  Pretty soon it will just be the two of us {it pains me as a mama to even type that sentence}.  If we don’t remain connected, in love and able to enjoy each others company, where will we be with an empty nest?  I am not one of those mama’s that is counting down the days till the kids grow up.  Although, I did discover today that I could be one of those mama’s if Mike keeps dangling redecorating the house and unlimited access to Pier One as shiny objects for the future   Our marriage has to be important enough to both of us to grow and change together, rather than apart.
• Couples need to set an example.  I wrote about how marriage is a testimony.  And, it is.  Our marriage weaves a tapestry in the hearts and minds of our children.  It paints a picture.  I want it to paint a picture of God’s design and the beautiful mess that marriage is.  It is vital to send the message to our kids {and the world} that we matter to each other.  That we believe our union is worth setting time and money aside for, investing our energy in.  Sometimes, we need to be reminded of that too.

So, we are going away for a few days.  I will turn 33 in the arms of my husband and blow out the candles of another year with the one I will spend the rest of my years with.

Have you managed to steal time away with your spouse recently?

Linked to Women Living Well

To speak gratitude is courteous and pleasant, to enact gratitude is generous and noble, but to live gratitude is to touch Heaven.  ~Johannes A. Gaertner

Our Thanksgiving doesn’t look like I thought it would.

But, God knew.

Before I was ever born, He knew where I would be and my children would be in this moment.

For that sovereignty and almighty power, keeping the earth in motion, my heart beating, my lungs breathing and my hope intact, I am thankful.

For my strong and dependable husband, I am thankful.

For my four unique children, I am thankful.

For little Sweet Pea, I am thankful.     

For my friends {my family of choice}, I am thankful.

For my family, close and far away, I am thankful.

For food and football, I am thankful.

For the Word that sustains and the Blood that saves, I am thankful.

For fur babies that lick my tears, I am thankful.

For clear blue sky days and cloudy, stormy days, I am thankful.

For the technology that connects me to so many whom I love, I am thankful.

For the ability to give thanks, I am thankful.

Let them give thanks to the LORD for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for mankind. ~Psalm 107:31

To focus on anything other than gratitude for all He has done and will continue to do is vain.  So, today, I am thankful.

What are you thankful for?

Saying “yes” to God has also put me in some of the most fulfilling and exciting places of my life.  Every.single.time.

Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. ~Matthew 16:24

Since my husband and I surrendered our whole lives to God, barely three years ago, God has required many “yes” answers from us that would have NEVER occurred before then.  Looking back, I can see how even before we were ready to say “whatever You have in store, Lord” He was preparing our hearts and minds for this journey, our entire lives {especially since we became believers in 1998/1999 respectively}.

I have seen miracles with my own eyes.  God has restored our family! God has led me to reconcile with my father! God has grown our family!  God has placed me in vocational ministry! God has had me write Bible studies! God has me sharing my story for His glory!  He spared my life!

I would like to say that despite God’s amazing track record with me, I don’t hesitate to say “yes” to the next thing God calls me to.  But, that would simply not be true.

Most of the time, God brings me to a place of yes after days, weeks, months of wrestling with Him over it.  I can be the most hard-headed woman {yes, I publicly admitted that}.

How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and day after day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me? ~Psalm 13:2

I let the enemy whisper in my ear that I’m hearing God wrong.

I let the opinions and scoffing of others make me second guess my calling.

I let the weapons of spiritual warfare discourage me.

Then, I suit up for the battle the enemy wages when we say yes.

Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. ~Ephesians 6:11

I  let the Word speak to my heart and spend time with the One who calms fears and provides confirmation just when and where I need it.

However, I consider my life worth nothing to me; my only aim is to finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the good news of God’s grace. ~Acts 20:24

Living a life of yes is not easy but it is true life, the best life.  We are here to serve, love and worship the One who said “yes” to dying on a cross for salvation and loving us even when we say no.

Do you need to say “yes” to God?

Yet, when I sit here all I can think about are the 143 million+ orphans around the world that need forever families.  The over 1/2 million kids in the US foster care system that need their families loved on and repaired.  The over 100,000 that can’t go back home and need new families to step up and love them, despite their tough exteriors.  The teen mom’s that I serve on a daily basis that need mentors to help them become the best mothers they can be.  The medically fragile children that lay dying in orphanages. The children that go to bed hungry in our country and abroad.  The 30,000 kids that die every day of preventable, treatable illnesses.

My heart bleeds.  My eyes leak.

The Bible makes it very clear that these children are precious to the heart of God.

Adoption is at the very core of God’s plan for redemption and salvation.

So, today, instead of writing anything else I want to encourage you to visit some sites where you can learn and help and I pray that your heart is pricked for what hurts His.

No Greater Joy Mom
Adeye is sharing powerful testimonies on her blog this month, in honor of National Adoption Month. Grab your tissues!

Compassion Bloggers in Ecuador

Some of my all time favorite bloggers are serving Jesus in Ecuador this week and sharing the stories with us.

Ekubo Ministries

One of my favorite ministries in Uganda, loving and serving the people there.

Mercy House, Kenya

A ministry to unwed mothers in Kenya, truly a miracle working place.

Young Lives of Eastern Panhandle

Where I live out a calling to love on teen moms and their kids

There was a time {before God got a hold of my heart} that I would have posted every day, regardless of what it cost and regardless of whether or not I had something to say out of a sense of obligation and self imposed guilt. I am actually relieved that Jesus is freeing me from the trap of perfectionism.

I want to close out the series with a brief reminder of why we need clean hearts.

God desires intimacy with us.  He created us with a need for intimacy with Him.

God dwells in our heart, His Spirit resides there.

I don’t like strangers to come to my house when it is a mess.  Why would I be okay with a dirty, cluttered heart to welcome my Father?

Come near to God and he will come near to you.  Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. ~ James 4:8

Let’s do the work of cleaning our hearts for God.

let us draw near to God with a sincere heart and with the full assurance that faith brings, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. ~Hebrews 10:22-23

He has promised us hope!  Draw near to Him, clean out your heart and hold on to the promise of life in Him.  There is nothing better than Jesus!

**To catch up on the series, click the links below:

Day 1

Day 2

Day 3

Day 4

Day 5

Day 6/Day 7

Day 8

Day 9

Day 10

Day 12

Day 17

Day 18

Day 20

Day 27

Berkeley County, WV is an area rich with Civil War History, beautiful mountain views and boasts an affordable cost of living within driving distance of our nations capitol.

Our county also boasts the second highest teen pregnancy rate in the state of West Virginia and is one of the only counties in the country that experienced an increase in teen pregnancy between 2007-2009.  Statistics like those break my heart but also spur me on to want to make a difference in the lives of these girls and their children.

Some of my sweet teen mama's with me in May

The work we do to create change in the lives of these girls requires resources.  Time, money and talents.

We are raising money for our ministry in a myriad of ways, including a raffle sponsored by Eastern Panhandle Moms.  The prize is a 16G iPad 2!! We are drawing for it on Wednesday, October 26th and the winner will be announced on that site.  You can live anywhere and purchase tickets {I have friends in Alabama, Indiana and Texas that have purchased tickets!}.  We will ship the iPad to the winner!

Image via CrunchBase

So, if you are interested in purchasing a chance to win {and making a difference in the lives of the two generations we serve} please leave a comment or email me at kmelissasmallwood@gmail.com.  I will provide you with the paypal address.  Tickets are 1 for $10 or 3 tickets for $20!

We have sold 148 tickets so far so your chances of winning are excellent!!!!!

And, I covet your prayers this week as we prepare for our 2nd annual banquet, our largest fundraiser of the year, that will occur on Thursday, October 27th!  Please cover that event in prayer and myself, our director, Jill and the rest of our volunteers as we expect the enemy to attack us all this week as we lead up to the event.

Thank you all!

When I met Christ through a teen mom support group in 1998, I had a difficult time believing that what Jesus died for was my heart, not my abilities or my accomplishments or anything else.

He died for me.

In the thirteen or so years since, the enemy has oft tried to undermine my acceptance of God’s grace by reminding me how unworthy I am of the Cross, how far I have to go to be more like Christ and how I, daily, trip and stumble in my walk with God.

For through the law I died to the law so that I might live for God.  I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. I do not set aside the grace of God, for if righteousness could be gained through the law, Christ died for nothing! ~Galatians 2: 19-21

I work with teen mamas.  Many of them think, for various reasons, that they need to clean up their lives before they can approach the throne of grace.

I love seeing girls set free from this lie!  It is by grace we are saved!

Like I tell the girls– We serve a God big enough to save us from our sin, give us eternal life AND clean up our lives as we walk with Him.

I am so thankful that Jesus is enough. Period.

**This post is part of the 31 Days to a Clean Heart series.  Click the links below to catch up:

Day 1

Day 2

Day 3

Day 4

Day 5

Day 6/Day 7

Day 8

Day 9

Day 10

Day 12

Day 17

Day 18

Image via Wikipedia

If I counted all the ways that God has shown up for me, come through for me, just plain loved on me– it would take way more than one little old blog post.

I know that He is looking out for even the smallest details in my {and your} life.

If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you—you of little faith! ~Luke 12:28

I know that He cares when I hurt and He hears me when I pray.

The LORD has heard my cry for mercy; the LORD accepts my prayer. ~Psalm 6:9

I know that He promises good will come.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. ~Romans 8:28

I know that I am forgiven and loved.

I am writing to you, dear children, because your sins have been forgiven on account of his name. ~I John 2:12

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. ~John 3:16

Knowing is one way to pursue a clean heart.

What do you know?

**This post is part of 31 Days to a Clean Heart.

You can read the other posts by clicking the links below:

• Day 1
• Day 2
• Day 3
• Day 4

Tears threaten to spill over.

Good bye is never easy, even if it is a perfectly normal part of life.

Shayla leaves for nursing school tomorrow {her first plane ride} and Jason leaves for basic training on Monday.

As my pastor’s wife {and good friend} pointed out on Sunday, a mama is supposed to space these traumatic events out a tad better.

As I have been journaling and praying through this difficult week, I noted that I am taking these harder than many moms do.

I begged God to ask me why I was filled with so much fear surrounding the departure of my two precious kids.  Sadness I understand.  Apprehension even.  But terror is not from God.

Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. ~Psalm 139:23

Through a conversation with a friend God showed me what was beneath my fear.

Good bye’s have never gone well for me.

As a child, my brothers and I were separated when in foster care and ended up not being reunited until we were much older.

We went to court with Jason in 2004 and he didn’t come back home with us.

I asked and God revealed to me some clutter in my heart.  I can relinquish old fears and hurts to Him so that instead of experiencing a lifetime of emotion when saying good bye to Shayla tomorrow, I can be in the moment of letting her go become all God has planned for her to be.  {and I will see her in two weeks :}

Is there old junk you need to let God reveal and clean out of your heart?

I am writing 31 Days to a Clean Heart this month. You can read post 1 here and post 2 here.

and the counting of gifts continues {#351-360}

~  looking ahead to the awesome future God has in store for my kids

~  His redemptive power

~  authentic friendships that speak to my heart and meet me where I am

~  attending a Dynamic Speaking workshop {and taking copious notes}

~  seeing how God had things under control all along {why do I ever doubt?}

~  attending a concert with three of my four teens and worshiping the Lord together

~  scarves, gloves and last minute trips to Kmart with patient friends

~  pumpkin spice latte with an extra shot of espresso

~  hospitality of a stranger

~  my prayer journal

What are you thankful for?