Oft lately, my mind and heart ponder a different type of clutter.

The clutter of busyness.  The clutter of doing.  The clutter that accumulates when you are not weeding out the good to make room for God’s best.

Isn’t it funny how we can be the worst at taking the advice we so freely give?

When life is hectic and the soul is parched, Living Water is the only thirst quencher.

Today I am thankful for the clarity and comfort that comes from spending time in the Word and with the Author.

and the counting of gifts continues… {excerpts from my Joy Dare/gratitude journal}

~ an impromptu dinner with just my youngest

~  transitioning Sweet Pea to the sippy cup

~  dark denim boot cut jeans {that fit}

~  first words in a new prayer journal

~  fresh cut flowers at a swanky event

~  generous organizations that host swanky events to benefit YoungLives

~  frost on the van, windows, it is January after all
~  a husband that supports your choices

~  two out of two wins at middle son’s wrestling tournament

~ the promise of Isaiah 58:11

What are you thankful for?

I have had a wonderful day full of love, laughs and family.  

Feeling retrospective I decided to chronicle thirty three things I have learned about life {not in any particular order}

1. Polka dots and hot pink make me smile.
2. There are few sounds that bring as much joy as a baby belly laughing.
3. Marriage is hard work, but oh so worth it.
4. There is a huge difference between a job, a career and a calling.
5. When people say “enjoy these moments because they grow up so fast” they are not exaggerating one bit.  Kids literally grow up in the blink of an eye.
6. Having a near death experience will remove most fear from your life and replace it with a sense of urgency to live EVERY minute fully.
7. Chocolate makes everything most things better.
8. God is good ALL the time and ALL the time God is good.
9. Having kids old enough to drive is scary yet very convenient.
10. God’s plan frequently looks nothing like my plan, but is always the best plan.
11. No matter how many children you have there is always enough love to go around.
12. Speaking of parenthood, it is the most challenging, rewarding, frustrating, meaningful, exhausting miracle in the world.
13. You are not defined by your past.
14. Life is not fair, but God is.
15. Friendships, like gardens, need tended, watered and weeded regularly.
16. Nail polish is a cheap and easy way to feel pretty.
17. You can make any house a home if the people you love are there with you.
18. God’s heart is for restoration and when it is possible, love and time can heal wounds.
19. Friends are your family of choice.
20. Writing is a salve to the soul.
21. A good yellow makes a perfect wall color.
22. Being organized makes life easier.
23. I wouldn’t remember anyone’s birthday if it wasn’t for Facebook.
24. Teen moms are special people and working with them is a privilege.
25. Parenting teenagers is like having your fingernails plucked off with tweezers.
26. You can’t save the world and God doesn’t expect you to.
27. It’s okay to take antidepressants.
28. Pets are members of the family too.
29. Being connected with a body of believers is crucial to spiritual health.
30. Why not me?
31. Every day, there are blessings and miracles happening around you.  All you have to do is open the eyes of your heart and be thankful.
32. Words hurt.  Guard your tongue.
33. Just as Jesus said, it is more blessed to give than to receive.

Thank you, Lord for thirty three years on this planet.  Let everything I do bring glory to You.

What are some of the best lessons you have learned?

I enjoy the reflection, the looking back on the good, the not-so-good and finding the grace in both.

Each new year, since I began blogging, I have prayerfully chosen one word I feel led to focus on in the coming 365 days.

In 2009, gratitude.

In 2010, giving.

In 2011, grace.

It is amazing how the moments of the year can directly relate to the word for that year.

I knew a few months ago what word God was laying on my heart.

A word for the outside my comfort zone moments that seem to happen more and more as we step out in faith.

A word for the insecure little girl who falls easy prey to the enemies lies.

A word for the type of ironclad faith I long to have.

My word for 2012 is confident.

The greek word for confident in this verse is pepoithos.  The word is an active participle, meaning that Paul was using the word in the context that He was confident in who God was, who God is and who God will always be.  Pepoithos means a knowledge of security, regardless of circumstance.

Oh, the confidence I want.  The confidence I need.  The confidence I admittedly lack at times.

I will be focusing more on confidence and what it will mean for my journey as the year goes on.

Do you have one word for 2012?  I would love to hear!

Words dry up, like a parched desert.

Sometimes a break from the writing causes the words to flow.

And flow and flow and flow.

This place has been quiet for the past week but my prayer journal has not.  God and I needed some one on One time.

I slip back into routine with a refreshed perspective and desire to share what is on my heart {God is so good in so many ways and I can’t wait to share some miracles with y’all}.

The counting of gifts continues {#361-370}

~  the AMAZING provision of God when you step out in faith

~  being part of beautiful community of believers

~  watching the Orphan Sunday webcast as a family

~  asking God for His heart and eyes as we attempt to live out James 1:27

~  knowing that God is sovereign even when things don’t make sense

~  pumpkin spice creamer back on the grocery store shelves

~  counting gifts until Thanksgiving on the MM Facebook page

~  snow in October {what a surprise}

~  *almost* being done with physical therapy

~  Sunday phone calls from Jason

Ann, who hosts One Thousand Gifts and is a true gift from God herself, is traveling with Compassion International to Ecuador with a group of bloggers.  Will you please lift them up in prayer and follow their journey?

This recent liver problem was discouraging to me and the prognosis and outlook were dismal each time it was discussed with any of the “ologists”.

BUT GOD!

Yesterday, I had my two week follow-up with the gastroenterologist to go over all the tests he subjected me to over the last few weeks and to (supposedly) decide on treatment options.

Instead, he had good news… Here is an excerpt from the email I shared with my family and friends after the appointment:

Just wanted to update you on my appointment with the specialist yesterday…GOOD NEWS!
He was amazed and said he couldn’t explain how I went from such an acute episode to normal in 2 weeks but my liver enzymes have returned to normal just by letting my liver rest (aka holding off on meds).  They have been checked three times in the past 2 weeks and each time they have improved.  There is some residual damage to my liver from whatever was going on with it but if all goes well, it won’t get worse and may even heal itself over time.  All the tests for autoimmune hepatitis or a metabolic issue came back negative..the only test that was positive was for a virus that is common in people with lupus and that is probably what caused the acute episode.  Mike and I were both so excited!

He will continue to closely monitor me as my spleen is enlarged (probably from the same virus) and as I slowly resume some of my medication.  He is letting me go back on the lupus meds because my rash has been returning since I have been off of it.  He will check my liver levels every two weeks to make sure the medicine doesn’t irritate my healing liver.  In the meantime I will remain off of the MS meds for the time being, probably at least two more months.  They have a significant impact on your liver and he doesn’t want us adding them back in to the mix too soon.

Through the course of the myriad of tests I had they discovered that my gallbladder is not working properly and having an enlarged liver and spleen pushing up against it is not helping.  I have to make the decision whether or not to have it removed.  I will be going back to the hematologist (the doctor that monitors my blood clotting disorder) to see if he thinks it is safe to be off of Coumadin (a blood thinner I have been on since my pulmonary embolism in 08) long enough to have surgery.  I am sooo not comfortable going off of it for any length of time but that could just be an anxiety issue on my part. We will see what he suggests.

Other than that, I have been having blood pressure and heart rate issues related to pain and the fact that I couldn’t take anything for pain (except narcotics which I feel strongly about not using except Tuesday when I ended up in the ER because I was in so much pain).  I am now allowed to take an occasional Tylenol, which may seem small but to me is very exciting!

Thank you all for your continued prayers and support..God surely showed up as the doctor said he watched in amazement as my results went down each time he received them.

While my faith does not waver regardless of test results, it is a nice change of pace to get good ones.

Sometimes we think He got it wrong because what seemed like the best path to our finite minds results in closed doors and confusion.

Sometimes we forget that He is God and we are not.

Then, sometimes something will happen and we will say “ooooh, that is what You were up to”….

Mike might just be smitten

We are unwrapping one of those times this week.

Mama and baby

After a summer of closed doors, not understanding His plan and yes, even questioning His timing, God brought things to fruition that explained why some doors had been closed and why opening our home had been on our heart all summer, just not in the way we expected.

Sweet Pea

Isn’t God funny like that?  Perhaps He who created the heavens and the earth does have it all worked out and doesn’t need my help?

Yup, he is a sucker for babies

Our family expanded by four feet this week and we are enjoying every minute of this unexpected gift.

This post is linked to Tuesdays Unwrapped.

Atrophy (according to Wikipedia) is the partial or complete wasting away of a part of the body (in this case my left leg).

God has a whole post about atrophy in His body (the church) swirling around in my brain.  But, that will come at another time.

This post is about how God speaks to us.  He didn’t just speak to people in Bible times and then stop.  His Holy Spirit lives in us and guides us- if we listen.

Yesterday, returning from the doctor I was not in a happy place.  Trying to digest the fact that my muscle is atrophy-ing (no idea if that is a word) and they don’t know why and they don’t know how to stop it was overwhelming.  Making the appointments for all the tests they want to do to figure out the cause of the problem was overwhelming.  Trying to figure out how to discuss all this with my husband without him panicking was overwhelming.  Letting myself think of how unfair it is to have MS, Lupus and now- something else causing this issue- was overwhelming.

I had brought my Bible along for the ride (cause I can’t drive right now) but couldn’t bring myself to open it.  I did, however, turn on the radio and one of my favorite songs that we sing at church came on.  The song is “I will Rise” by Chris Tomlin.  There are many words that instantly touched my heart but here is the line that grabbed my soul:

There’s a peace I’ve come to know
Though my heart and flesh may fail
There’s an anchor for my soul
I can say “It is well”

Jesus has overcome
And the grave is overwhelmed
The victory is won
He is risen from the dead

Overwhelmed?  How about the fact that Jesus overwhelmed the grave?  That is overwhelming, not my temporary, temporal circumstances.

Feeling still a tad angry, I said to God “help me”.  And three words came to my mind (and I know that I know that I know God put them there)

Check your medications.

Clear as day and something that none of my doctor’s had bothered to do.  As soon as I got home I googled muscle wasting and the names of my medications.  Second med I typed in had a big warning about this problem.  Not trusting myself, I called my pharmacy.  My pharmacist researched it, called me back and said “Call your doctor right now.  You need to have some blood work done”.

Yes, I have called my doctor and yes, they are on top of it.

But, isn’t God awesome?  And, what if I had continued in my overwhelming pity party and not reached out to Him?  Would I have heard that still, small voice?

Hearing God is a finer thing!

The good kind of exhausted but exhausted none the less. 

And, the best thing about today, the finer thing, is that I slept until 11am.  My kids got themselves off to school and even snuck in and turned off my alarm so I didn’t wake up.  (one of the benefits of having adolescents and a hubby who gives them great ideas).

With chronic illness I can’t afford to stay exhausted. So today, I am so grateful for an understand family and a comfortable bed!

I love music.

According to my grandmother and mom, I always have.  I would say “put the do-do on” at a very young age (calling music “do-do” because those who loved on me would dance around singing “do-do-do-do”, etc…it didn’t take much to make me happy )

I took flute, piano and voice lessons as a girl and today I sing on the worship team at my church.

Why are you telling us this Melissa?

For a few reasons:

1. to convey how much I love music
2. to convey how daggone adorable I was as a toddler
3. to convey my love for a new CD I just reviewed

Jennifer Shaw’s Love Broke Through CD is an eclectic mix of songs…some fun and upbeat and some that showcase her background as a dramatic singer on stage.  

Not only does Jennifer have a beautiful voice and touching lyrics, she has a story to tell too.

And y’all know I love any story of how God moves in someones life!

To read Jennifer’s story visit her about page.  To listen to some of her songs click here.

I hope you will find yourself connecting with the songs as I did.

Music is one of my very favorite things and Jennifer Shaw’s CD went right on my iPod!  And I am not the only one that thinks her music is awesome- her first single from the CD, “Your Great Name”, quickly rose to the top 3 of the CMW Worship Charts!

Here is an even finer thing- the lovely folks that sent me Jennifer’s CD to review want to give one to one of my lucky readers!

If you want a chance to have Jennifer’s CD sent to you simply leave me a comment letting me know a song that has recently spoken to your heart.  I would love to hear your stories!

Details/Disclosure:  This giveaway is open to all residents of the US and Canada.  Open from 3/13/10- Wednesday 3/17/10 at 10pm. Winner will be chosen via random.org from qualifying comments and announced Thursday 3/18/10.  I was provided with a copy of this CD for review.  All opinions expressed are mine and not influenced in any way by any third party.