Reece’s Rainbow

I have always had a heart for children.  Children without loving families.  Children with special needs.

When I first started blogging I discovered the website, Reece’s Rainbow.  This is a ministry serving the needs of children around the world with Down Syndrome and other special needs, helping them find their forever families.  While it was not in the cards for my husband and I to adopt any of these special kids (my heart for our family is foster care) I will never tire of raising awareness of this special ministry.

On March 21, 2010 (to honor the 3rd copy of the 21st chromosome presented in Down syndrome), the world comes together to raise awareness and advocate for people living with Down syndrome.

Because Reece’s Rainbow has an international focus, we are doing our part to further the recognition of this very special day!

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress…

Spirituality and Teens- The “churches” job or ours?

My boys love going to youth group at church.  They look forward to it, they are upset if we have to miss (because they have strep throat, for instance) and even tell their friends how much fun they have at church.

I love that they feel this way about going to church on Wednesday nights and Sunday mornings. We discuss what they are learning on the way home and I am amazed (and sometimes amused) by what they have taken away from the lesson.

A few weeks ago I found myself a bit frustrated because the boys had gotten in the car for a few groups in a row with nothing concrete to share.  Questions like “what are they doing down there?”, “don’t they have a plan?” came out of my mouth.  Critical, unkind and judgmental words.

Great example, mama.

I was quickly convicted that my words were wrong.  I apologized to the boys and that night I laid praying about my quick tongue (it really gets me in trouble some times).  I was just as quickly convicted that my heart was not in the right place.

My child’s relationship with God is not the churches responsibility or the youth pastors responsibility.  It is my responsibility.

Ouch!

The bible points us to raising a child in the way he/she should go (live by example, get your child comfortable with the Word).  Darn it, there is not a word in there about youth pastors.

While I think that youth pastors have an incredible opportunity to make an impact on teens and tweens, their role by no means alleviates the responsibility to instill values, teaching and a love for the Word in our own children.

Does this make sense?  Do you feel the same way or disagree?  What about kids that aren’t being raised in Christian homes?  Discuss with me in the comments

And~if you have written a post about teens/tweens that you would like to showcase please put the permalink to the post in the MckLinky below.

Fleeting Moments

As my boys grow up (up and up and up) I miss the days when my lap was their favorite seat.  When my hugs and kisses were welcomed.  When I was “the prettiest gwirl” in the world.

But that was then and this is now.  Now, my mere existence makes me the most embarrassing woman on the planet.  And kisses- ha!  Wiped off quicker than chocolate frosting from a doughnut.  Yet, the dogs can lick their face- can someone explain that to me?

Anyway, I digress.  Fridays are about finer things and Friday favorites.

That is why I smile to myself, as I type this post, and my 13 year old son’s head rests on my lap as he sleeps his cold/ear infection away.  I know these moments are fleeting- they are few and far between.

So I will sit here all day if need be and cherish every moment.

Teens and Respect

Thank you all so much for the discussion that we had on last week’s topic.

This week I wanted to focus on respect.  Sunday I picked up the latest issue of Home Life magazine at church (shameless self promotion, I am quoted on page 54).  I also picked up the February issue and it had a very convicting article about the spiritual impact of your child’s disrespect. This article stepped all over my mama toes so I wanted to take a few minutes to discuss the meat of it today.

Here is the line that really stuck with me:

If you aren’t teaching your children to respect you, how can you expect them to respect other authority figures, and most importantly, a holy God?

I have to admit that my children were much more respectful of me (in tone, words and actions) when they were smaller.  I take responsibility for the decline in their respect because I am not nearly as consistent with discipline as I was when they were little.

To be honest, it was easier to discipline them when they were five and six years old.  A time out or sending them to bed early nipped behavior in the bud.  My boys were crushed if I was upset or disappointed in them.

That is simply no longer the case!  Grounding from privileges takes a lot of work to enforce and I often find myself giving in.  And, sometimes it really seems ineffective.  However, this article reminded me of parenting principles I had lost sight of including the fact that delayed obedience is disobedience.

Have any of you ever put off listening to God when He lays something on your heart?  I am guilty of that, for sure.  How will our kids ever understand the importance of following through with what God has in store for them if I don’t expect obedience from them the first time I make a request?

The article had the following tips for children that are resisting respect that I found helpful:

• Ban the use of a favorite technology until you see noticeable improvement in your child’s behavior (at this rate Jared will not get his cell phone back until he’s 30)
• Ask your child to rephrase statements to communicate respect (this would probably work better than getting angry and yelling back, huh?)
• Require your child to apologize to others if she (or he) publically displays disrespectful behavior to you. (This one really struck me as something that would be effective.  Kids this age hate being embarrassed yet we allow them to embarrass us with their behavior)
• Draw up a contract that specifically details your expectations and the consequences.  Have your child sign it (we did this after reading this article!)
• Consider seeing a qualified counselor to get to the root of the problem if your child demonstrates excessive aggression.

Aren’t these great tips?  I really needed to read this article because sometimes everyday my kids tell me I am so much stricter than their friend’s parents (and I start having mama guilt).  This article served to remind me that I am not responsible for parenting their friends.  I will give account to God one day for parenting Jason, Jared and Matt.  Period.  And, I am doing them no favors by not expecting the respect I deserve.

Especially when the result of not teaching them the value of respecting authority could have eternal consequences.

What do you think?  I would love to hear in the comments or feel free to write a post about this or any other topic applicable to Teens/Tweens and add it to the linky below.

Every Other Sunday

Every other Sunday I see….his deep dark eyes, so much like his daddy.  His curly hair that he has obviously put tremendous effort {and hair gel} into staying in position.  I look up to him now.  This mama’s head coming to his chin, the chin that he leaves stray hairs grow on so that people will know he has the ability to grow hair on his chin.  I see a young man, leaving behind the remembrances of boyhood, much like a snake shedding it’s skin.  I see his face frown and his forehead wrinkle when he realizes our time together is over.  I see that same face beam when his dad mentions his upcoming driving lesson.

Every other Sunday I hear…his sometimes deep, sometimes crackling voice tell me about what he has been doing.  I hear animation and excitement when he talks about photography and the future.  His words are articulate and mature, his topics not as much.  I hear regret and resignation when he speaks of the past.  I hear his need to be more independent tempered by his need for structure.  I hear the little boy of yesterday, tugging on my pant legs as this not so little boy says “Mama, did I tell you about xyz?”.  I hear his need for attention and reassurance that he is loved, NO MATTER WHAT.  I hear his tentativeness when he asks how his brothers are doing.

Every other Sunday I smell…that mix of sweat, hair gel, deodorant and toothpaste that only comes from adolescent boys.  It is an odor barely veiled by the extravagant use of cheap cologne.  I smell a boy, trying to be a man…figuring out what attracts others to him and what is offensive.  I smell fabric softener, different from the scent I use at home and it serves as just another reminder that home is where he does not reside.

Every other Sunday I touch…his soft hands, not worn by work or affected by weather.  The hands of an artist.  I touch his sticky hair and put my hand on the small of his back.  I allow myself to squeeze him in, as if I wish I could just envelope him inside me, away from the cares and hurts of the world, during a brief hug.  Sometimes I find my hand cupping his cheek, wanting to count the freckles {or angel kisses} like we used to do when he was little.

Every other Sunday I feel…a compulsion to pretend like the last five years haven’t happened. I feel the desire to take him and run away so that we can be all together as a family again, even though I know that cannot {and should not} be. I feel angry that he did not come to live with us sooner.  I feel protective like a mother bear for her cubs. I feel frustrated that this is how our life has to be.  I feel helpless and sometimes hopeless.

And, then I remember that at least I have every other Sunday to see, to hear, to smell, to touch and to feel what it is to be Jason’s mama.  And I thank God for every other Sunday.

Sexting: Harmless Fun or Serious Issue?

Welcome to the first edition of Teen/Tween Thursday where each week I will be tackling an important issue facing our kids.

I am a mom of 12 and 13 year old boys, a 16 year old (bonus) son and a 15 year old sister.  I was a teen mom so I am fairly young (31) but am absolutely amazed at the way the world of teens has changed since I was my boys age(s).

I currently (and have in the past) work with teen moms, providing support, advice and showing the love of Jesus in a practical way.  So, teens are on my heart.

And, for the record, I am completely overwhelmed as a mom of teens/tweens.  Anyone that says that the toddler years are the most difficult have  yet experienced the mood swings and back talk of an adolescent!  I figured what better way to navigate the murky waters of parenting teens than sharing the experience on my blog and asking others to link their situations/thoughts/posts in the comments or via a linky. (which by the way is not going to happen today- crazy day- so if you have a post please link it in the comments)

On to today’s topic:

Sexting

From The View to prime time dramas like The Deep End, sexting is a hot topic in the media.  Is it as much of a widespread problem as it is made out to be or are these just kids being kids?  Here is my two cents:

Let’s start with a definition:

Sexting is the slang term for the use of a cell phone or other similar electronic device to distribute pictures or video of sexually explicit images. It can also refer to text messages of a sexually-charged nature. (via about.com)

Then some statistics:

According to a 2008 survey conducted by the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy:

• 20% of teenagers have sent text messages of a sexual nature (of themselves)
• 39% of teenagers have sent or posted sexually suggestive messages via electronic devices
• 48% of teenagers have received such messages
• 44% of teenagers admit that such messages are usually shared by the recipient with peers
• 52% of girls 11-16 say they sent these messages as a “sexy gift” to their boyfriend

There are many more disturbing statistics but I think a very valid and scary point is made by the numbers above.

In this day and age we need to be cognizant of the fact that our kids have grown up in a technologically fast paced world (they have moms that blog, for Pete’s sake =))  They have always known what it is like to have computers that fit in your lap and cell phones that not only fit in your pocket but take pictures.

I don’t know if you remember being a teen but temptation and peer pressure certainly existed in my life during that time.  Easy access to the internet, Facebook and smartphones did not.  Our kids are facing all of the above.  As a lawyer on The Deep End said “Aren’t you glad they didn’t have cell phones with cameras when we were sixteen?”

When we dealt with sexting in our home recently I did not handle it well (AT ALL) at first.  Then I took a deep breath, prayed and did some research.

I realized a myriad of things but the most important is that over reacting pushes your child away.  A child that shuts down is not a teachable child.

Next, I learned that being the recipient of such a message does not mean the child requested (nor was comfortable with) receiving it.

Third, I discovered that kids feel a sense of empowerment behind an electronic device that they don’t necessarily have face to face.  (This can be dangerous if such a text is sent to someone that is older or more experienced in sexual matters than the child sending the text)

Lastly, and so easy to forget, sexting is a behavior.  A child that sends an inappropriate message is not a bad child.  Rather they are exhibiting behavior that their brains are not mature enough to forecast the consequences of.

As parents of teens/tweens we have to be the forecaster.  The weatherman (or woman) for things to come.  Sit down and talk with your kids about sexting.  Come up with a plan for what you expect them to do if they are ever on the receiving end of a message.  Talk about appropriate parameters for boy/girl relationships.

And then point them to the media and the coverage of the kids who have been charged as sex offenders for forwarding the messages sent to their phones.  Sexting is considered a crime in many states and one seemingly unimportant decision can end up affecting your child’s life far into adulthood.

Lord, our kids are encountering challenges we did not as kids.  Open our eyes to the issues they face.  Show us how to help them navigate the waters of these crucial years and give us the strength, patience and wisdom to show them Your love through our actions and words. ~Amen

Any comments? ideas? fears?

Of boys and learners permits

I’m not ready for this.

That is what I was thinking as I sat in my (bonus) son’s MDT (multi-disciplinary meeting) yesterday.  The collective decision (which I agree with, I just don’t like) was made that he can get his learner’s permit next month.

My boy is going to drive.  I’m not ready for this.

Let me clarify that he will not be driving in a car that has me as a passenger, observer or anything else.  I should probably be forced to stay indoors with a bottle of valium when I know he is on the road.

My hubby will be his instructor until driver’s ed begins in April.  My sole part of this process (other than taking him to the DMV for the written portion of the test) will be to worry my head off. But will worrying get me anywhere? No.

In addition to the fact that the five year old little boy that let me be his mama after his biological situation didn’t turn out so well is now taller than me, he is also old enough to get behind the wheel of a moving vehicle.

And that brings me to my knees.

LITERALLY.

TO MY KNEES.

Because the only one that can keep Jason safe on the road (and with his first job this summer) and with (God please help me) the appointment with the National Guard recruiter in the spring is my Heavenly Father.

The One who loves my dark haired, special boy more than even I do (which is difficult for this mama to fathom) is watching out for him.

Jason’s life has not been easy (and he hasn’t made it too easy on the rest of us either) so I am so glad that he is finally moving in a positive direction.  He is getting to be a “normal” kid- learner’s permit, first job and senior year plans included.

That he is even at this point is proof that God’s been watching out for him all along.

Jesus, take the wheel!

I’m getting ready to spend even more time on my knees in the coming weeks…right where every mama should be.

Understanding Tweens…is it possible?

I am an all or nothing kind of gal.

The upside:  I am fiercely loyal, totally committed and extremely stubborn determined.

The downside: I am extremely determined stubborn, a tad perfectionistic and  a smidge moody

I was on the downside of my personality lately.  Parenting 12 and 13 year olds every day and a 16 year old from afar has pushed me to (what I thought was) my limit.

I felt like a FAILURE with a capital F.

That doesn’t feel good.  The recovering Type A that I am does not take nicely to the F word.

I finally took these feelings to God (why do I too often make that my last stop?) and he expanded my perspective.

So now, instead of feeling responsible for my child’s bad choices, I’m going to allow natural consequences to occur and let the child feel those ramifications, rather than me. (I do not think for a second this will be easy but with God all things are possible)

Instead of focusing on what I cannot change (my child’s choices) I am going to focus on what I will one day be held accountable for (which is NOT my child’s choices):

My Parenting

I am reading an excellent book called Disconnected, Parenting Teens in a Myspace World.  I am not completely through the book yet but I know there is a reason God led me to pick it up off the book shelf (where it has been collecting dust for quite a few months) and here it is…

In the long run the only question that matters is, “Is who I am, how I live, and how I parent providing my child the very best chance to see and experience the Jesus who died to redeem them?” (pg 31)

Wow!  Let me just say that asking myself this question (several times) each day has already helped me focus on the process of parenting, not the outcome.

God also reminded me that while these circumstances may pain me it is actually good that my children make these type of mistakes while they are still under my daily influence and discipline. None of the choices they have made are the end of the world (by any means) and that my past mistakes (a big stumbling block for me) do not predict my child’s behavior.

God has entrusted my hubby and I with part of the mining process…it is up to Him (and Matt, Jared and Jason) to make them shine like diamonds some day.

I was failing…because I was trying to do this parenting thing in my own strength.  But I have humbled myself and come near to God (James 4) and He has proven faithful in renewing my strength and giving me a new parenting perspective.

*just an FYI: if you click on the link and purchase the book mentioned I will make a small commission as an Amazon affiliate*

Yes Mom

Geometry- check

English 9 honors- check

Spanish II- check

Mama ready to burst into tears at scheduling her son’s classes for HIGH SCHOOL next year- check

Every fiber of my being wants to shout NO to all this growing up stuff.  No to girls that are way too forward, no to Facebook, no to later bedtimes, no to…well, I just find myself wanting to say no to anything that resembles my boys growing up.

I was challenged to say yes to my kids this week. Just one day into the challenge and I realize that, for me, saying yes doesn’t have to do with one more bedtime story, making mud pies or candy at the check out line anymore.

Saying yes to my boys at this stage means relinquishing the need to control everything, letting them make some mistakes in the name of independence, and

MOST IMPORTANTLY

deciding to not fight the inevitable but rather make the choice TODAY to

say yes.

Yes to enjoying this awkward (often smelly) stage of life my boys are in

Yes to cherishing the past while taking the time to savor each moment of the present

Yes to watching them grow into the men God designed them to be

Yes to being a mama of growing up boys.

I’m unwrapping my role and embracing it {and trying to ignore the literal searing pain in my chest at the thought of Jared going to high school next year}

Join us here for more Unwrapped posts…

Aircut Review

I am so excited to partner with Aircut and let my readers know about this innovative product.  Vacuum hair clippers…so cool.  Gone are the days of sweeping hair off the floor after my husband would use clippers on our three boys.  Gone are the days of the boys complaining of the itchy hair on their neck and shoulders- boy, do I wish these had been around 10 years ago!

In the last few years, with the whole I-am-too-cool-for-my-tween-britches thing going on in our home, the boys have been going to the hair salon.  My husband’s philosophy was crew cut or hair salon.

The fabulous thing about the Aircut is that with all the attachments and tapered 1/2″ attachment, Mike can accomodate the boy’s haircut desires without the expense of the salon.

Here is our first experience with the Aircut:

The boys were comfortable with the Aircut and the hubby wasn’t nervous.  In the past, using traditional clippers, some injuries occurred- cutting an ear by accident, etc.  You don’t have to worry about that with the Aircut as the attachments make the possibility of skin contact impossible.

Be sure to visit Aircut’s website for 10 reasons to buy an Aircut and a graph of how much money you can save by cutting your hair at home.

My husband is going to cut his hair next…be on the lookout for that vlog.

**Disclosure:  AirCut is a sponsor of Multitaskingmama.com and provided me with an AirCut to facilitate this review. All opinions are mine and not influenced by anyone.

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