watching your husband love on a baby, having opened his heart and life to the unexpected and embracing it for all it is worth.

Love is…

a teenager playing with a little cousin, making them laugh and admitting they had a good time, too.

Love is…

opening your heart and trusting God to give you enough love to go around to all those He gives you to love.

Love is…

accepting your body as the Temple in which He dwells and loving it accordingly.  Not in spite of the imperfections but because you are just who He created you to be, imperfections and all.

Love is….

cheering your son on in a sport that you do not understand and makes you cringe to watch.

Love is…

celebrating the moments, big and small, together.  Giving glory to the One that makes all things new!

Love is…

making the most of each moment with each child, even if it means milkshakes at McDonald’s on the way to church, just the two of you.

Love is…

cleaning up messes, overlooking grievances, appreciating the little things, making time for each other, valuing the ones God places in your life, letting go of hurts quickly, apologizing for inflicting hurts even more quickly and making every moment count.

Love is family.  Love is marriage.  Love is friends. Love is God, from Him and of Him.

Not chocolates or roses or fancy dinners.  Love is a choice we make everyday to value the people in our lives more than we value ourselves.

What is love to you?

First of all, I am excited to be contributing to a wonderful community called The Intentional Lifestyle.  The site is chock full of resources, ideas and support to live a healthy life, in all aspects of your life.  I am the Healthy Home “Expert” over there and my first vlog, talking about the four things that clutter steals from you, is live today.  I am humbled and thrilled to be in the company of such a talented team! Please go check it out!

Secondly, I contributed to a brand new eBook called From Mom’s Failure to God’s Grace: Stories of Raising Boys from the MOB Society Writers.  All the proceeds from the book go to spread God’s Word in the DCR through the Seed Company.  I am so excited about this- imagine the impact a little book can have all over the world.  Amazing!  The book is available through Amazon for your Kindle {and if you don’t have a Kindle, you can download the Kindle reader free to your PC} for just $2.99.  I would love to know what you think after you read it {cause y’all are gonna go buy it and read it, right???}     

So, do you have anything exciting going on in your life?  I would love to hear about it!!!

It may seem like a peculiar birthday gift but to an 11 year old with down syndrome it will be well received.

“string” as he knows it brings comfort and calm to a world that is often overstimulating and overwhelming.

Lupus shoots fiery darts of inflammation and pain into the joints of my hands as I braid, but I don’t stop.

Love hurts sometimes and this is a gift infused with love.

This special little guy is the brother to my daughter.

Only God, through His Love, could bring me the daughter I prayed for AND provide a sweet boy with a special chromosome for me to love too.

{You know if you have spent any time here before that children with special needs have their own place in my heart}

God injects unexpected joys into our lives, if we are open to seeing them as such.

A friendship woven by love and His design takes me by surprise.

She thanks me for throwing a birthday party for her boy.  I thank her for the privilege.

She asks for a picture together and my heart is heavy with the joy of the moment.

We are mama’s of the same daughter.  We are daughters of the same Father.

I stand in awe of God’s redemptive power once again.

and the counting of gifts continues…. {excerpts from my Joy Dare journal}

~ miracles of love evident

~ a job, a car and a house for my sweet friend, such an answer to prayer {God was showing off this week!}

~ a belated birthday gift from a Titus 2 type of friend that brought tears to my eyes {she remembered}

~ playing catch {over and over} with my fur baby, Chloe

~  counting down the days until Shayla and Jason are home again

~ clarity and the letting go of things that are not God’s best for my life

~ holding hands with my hubby as we walk into the gym to watch our son wrestle

~ confirmation of His call that comes in all forms and speaks straight to my heart

~ Sweet Pea patting my back and saying “awww”

~ new girls every day introduced to God through YoungLives

What are you thankful for?

Oft lately, my mind and heart ponder a different type of clutter.

The clutter of busyness.  The clutter of doing.  The clutter that accumulates when you are not weeding out the good to make room for God’s best.

Isn’t it funny how we can be the worst at taking the advice we so freely give?

When life is hectic and the soul is parched, Living Water is the only thirst quencher.

Today I am thankful for the clarity and comfort that comes from spending time in the Word and with the Author.

and the counting of gifts continues… {excerpts from my Joy Dare/gratitude journal}

~ an impromptu dinner with just my youngest

~  transitioning Sweet Pea to the sippy cup

~  dark denim boot cut jeans {that fit}

~  first words in a new prayer journal

~  fresh cut flowers at a swanky event

~  generous organizations that host swanky events to benefit YoungLives

~  frost on the van, windows, it is January after all
~  a husband that supports your choices

~  two out of two wins at middle son’s wrestling tournament

~ the promise of Isaiah 58:11

What are you thankful for?

I am in love with this gadget, particularly the Pinterest app and Instagram.

Imagine my delight in finding a bloggy link-up for sharing your photos from the week {cause I take a ridiculous amount of photos with my phone}.

Here is my week in photos:

all my kids sitting in one spot without bickering, a photo worthy moment indeed 12/31/11

Sweet Pea plunking on the piano to keep the residents of the nursing home entertained! 1/2/12

Jared, my uber cool 15 year old who will still take photos with mama 12/31/11

Mike and I saying goodbye to our soldier, Jason, for 3 more months of training. 1/3/12

crazy game night {Partini, anyone?} on New Year’s Eve at casa del Smallwood 12/31/11

Spent much of the week like this since Sweet Pea is sick 1/5/12

YoungLives Team 3 represent!  One of us {not me} ate a booger, we collectively chewed the biggest wad of gum, I learned how to Dougie and we still lost the stinkin’ scavenger hunt by 6 points   #i’mstillbitter!

What a fun way to look back on the week!

And, as a follow up to this post I wanted to let you know how I am doing with the Chronological One Year Bible plan.

Ahem, in one word: not-so-good.

I could make excuses {see picture of sick baby above} but I won’t.  I will say that I am two days behind and it is only January 6th.  yikes!  But, I am determined and enjoying this reading plan.  I am taking copious notes because the reading sections are bite sized enough for in depth study.  I love that!  I will update you next week as well {if for no other reason than to hold myself accountable}.

Hope everyone has a blessed weekend!!

The imperfections of a man, his frailties, his faults, are just as important as his virtues.  You can’t separate them.  They’re wedded.  ~Henry Miller

I remember well the days that perfectionism consumed my life.

I suppose I came by the desire quite naturally.  A father who demanded more than the best.  Raised by grandparents whose accomplishments lined the walls.  Perpetuating the “family hedge”…that no matter what was truly going on, we put our “best face” forward to the world.

Every mistake I made was punctuated by the fact that I was, yet again, incapable of grasping the elusive perfection that seemed to come so easily for others.

I carried this knee buckling burden into adulthood for many years.  Perfectionism twisted itself into a suffocating need for control at all costs.

The monster of perfectionism almost ruined my marriage.  Almost ruined my family.  Almost ruined my life.

But, God. {my two favorite words of all time}.

He set me free from the need to please, the need to wear masks and the need to have everything just right.

Don’t get me wrong..it was a process that began four years ago and we {God and I} still work on it daily.  I am a recovering-Type-A-perfectionist-control-freak.

Perfectionism is a monster.  It is authored and touted by the father of lies, the devil.

You may see a perfectly coiffed mom, with perfectly behaved children in adorable matching outfits with a perfect marriage and perfect house and perfect vacations.

That is what you would have seen on the outside, looking in to my life for many years.

On the inside, life festered with open wounds that threatened to infect everything.  Secrets ate away at the foundation of our family and faith, like termites feasting on wood.  It was not until I surrendered the desire for perfection and the need to control to the only One that can handle those inside wounds, that life actually let our family breathe.

Anytime I am tempted to retreat to those old, comfortable patterns of dysfunctional behavior, I mutter the word “monster” to myself and heavenward.  God knows what I mean and He and I battle that monster together.

Knitted together by God.

• Shayla became ours when she was 18 and blessed us with the gift of having Sweet Pea in our lives {she is a rowdy and adorable 15 month old right now}
• Jason was Mike’s son from his first marriage but because of abuse and neglect came to live with us in 1999 when he was six years old and I adopted him in 2000.
• I was pregnant with Jared when Mike and I met.  He was in the delivery room when Jared was born and legally adopted him.
• Matt was unplanned {never take birth control and antibiotics at the same time} and is the only one that has both my and Mike’s blood running through his veins {which we frequently use as the excuse for his stubborn personality}

I tell you all of this because I truly believe what the Bible says in Psalm 68:6, God sets the lonely in families.  God designed each one of these unique and amazing kids to be mine.

Through the years, our family has had the privilege of opening our home to those in need.  Right now, one of my dear friends and her daughter are staying with us as they get back on their feet.

And, I need to brag on my boys.

Matt playing with a straw

Shayla is away at school and Jason is away at basic training.

Jared {15} and Matt {14} are  home {along with Sweet Pea}.

To be honest, I am usually the mom that notices the irritating things, the wrong choices, the negative.  I have been praying for God to open my eyes to see my boys in a different light as we navigate these teen years.

Jared and I at a concert {with Shayla being silly in background}

Having our friends here has done just that.  My boys are patient.  They have big hearts.  They are generous, caring and loving.  They put others needs before their own.  They don’t judge.  They share and give and love.  They show genuine concern.

Jared was worried because I had to take him to school early on the first day that our friend’s daughter was going to ride the bus.  He felt bad because he wouldn’t be there to help her.

And, I realized that God was answering my prayer.

I have good boys, growing up to be good men.

I am thankful for both of them and they make me proud.

It is my favorite time of year and Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays.

Sometimes, we are in danger of losing the celebratory nature of this holiday in the there-are-only-SIX-weeks-until-Christmas madness that accompanies this time of year.

I fight that temptation hard in our home.  A posture of gratitude is crucial to living a happy and fulfilled life. What better place to start than the holiday named Thanksgiving?

Oh, give thanks to the Lord, for He is good! For his mercy endures forever. ~Psalm 136:1

Here are some things we do to commemorate this holiday and make it a special time for our family:

• Decorate the house. Yes, I bring out the Thanksgiving decorations for a week and then put them away until the next year {every year my husband thinks I’m crazy when I tell him it’s time for the Thanksgiving decor. I think he hopes I will forget}.  A lot of work but a tradition we enjoy.  Some of the decorations are homemade each year, like oranges with cloves in a glass vase and painted gourds and little pumpkins.  Indian corn and raffia can make for cute door decor as well.
• Create together.  Every year, we make turkey cookies {this year I found a new idea on Pinterest that I want to try}


Source: ourbestbites.com via Toni on Pinterest

Even now that my boys are older they still enjoy making little Thanksgiving treats with mom.  We sit up late into the night, watching home movies and assembling turkey cookies.  I hope it is a memory they will treasure as much as I do.

• Share gratitude.  One year, we made a thankful tree with leaves made out of the boys hand prints.  Another year, we made a journal with wax paper and dried leaves, yarn and a sharpie.  However we choose to list the things we are thankful for, there is power in the list.  There is joy and laughter and even tears in sharing the things that make the thankful list each year.
• Eat well and eat together.  I just finalized the Thanksgiving menu for this year and drug my hubby through the grocery store, painstakingly checking my list to make sure I didn’t forget anything.  Some recipes are the same each year {hello sweet potato casserole} and some I switch up {trying pumpkin chocolate chip bread this year}. But, getting around the table, filling our bellies and our hearts is one of my favorite times of the year.

My friend, Teri Lynne, posted about a wonderful tradition she includes in her Thanksgiving festivities.  It is such a cute idea! I may even steal the idea for our celebration this year!

What are some ways you prepare for and celebrate Thanksgiving?  I would love to hear!

More Paula Deen and less fend for yourself ’cause this multitasking mama is tired.

More organized and less the girl that gets the call “did you forget your appointment at 9:30?” on a regular basis.

I want to be more, do more and feel like more.

I fully intended to write for 31 days about presenting a clean heart before God this month.  I fully intended to mail the care package to Shayla that has been sitting on my backseat for the last three days.  I fully intended to _______________.

But, today, I feel Jesus calling me to His feet {thanks to the reminder from a friend}.  Sit here and be renewed, He beckons.

So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. ~II Corinthians 4:18

The laundry will get done {and put away} and my kids will not go hungry and I will write here when I can.

Right now, I need more of Him, less of me.  More being, less doing.  More abiding, less striving.

Less Martha, more Mary. Or better yet, I need to just be Melissa {the one He created me to be}.

The one with the messy house and hectic life who loves her family, teen moms and Jesus more than anything.

Just Melissa.

I have not posted every day {didn’t I predict that would happen?}

I still have much to say on this topic!  We will continue next week with more obstacles to a clean heart and finish up the month with action steps.

But, this weekend, the frenetic pace of life MUST slow down and allow me some time with this sweet girl {whom I haven’t seen in two weeks}

Saying goodbye at the airport

Pray that we will have safe travels {5 hours each way in the car with a teething Sweet Pea} and that we will make the most of the short visit.

I will be back Monday to resume the series.

You can read from the beginning here:

Day 1

Day 2

Day 3

Day 4

Day 5

Day 6/Day 7

Day 8

Day 9

Day 10

Day 12