Miss(ter) Independent

There is a thirst for independence in teenagers. 

An unseen force, pulling them away from dependence on their parents and toward a future they don’t see or understand. 

Yet, they respond heartily to the call and pull of that force, while we parents want to fight it with every fiber of our soul.

In a few short days, my husband and I will drop Jared and Matt (14 and 12) in Florida to stay two weeks with my dad and my brothers.  They are going to have a great time!  Adventures with Grandpa Bill, beach with Uncle Ian, amusement park with Uncle Tom..they are going to have fun and create special memories.

And, they are pumped.  Their mama is deflated.

They have never been away from me for this long.  They will fly home alone in two weeks. My feelings are hurt that they are so excited to get away from us {yes, I know that is not completely rational- thankyouverymuch!}

But, when I look at this from a learning standpoint- this is a wonderful opportunity for my boys.  They will be able to exert some independence in a safe environment.  They will create memories with men in their family that mean a lot to them and that they look up to. 

And, I will learn from this too.  I will learn that they will be fine without me there to remind them to brush their teeth, spend time in the Word, say their “please” and “thank-you’s” and more.  I will learn that I will be okay without them under my roof {for a short, predetermined amount of time}.

Boy, this independence stuff is hard! 

If you have a post related to parenting teens/tweens please link it up below:

The Energizer Mama

Have you ever wondered how in the world we, as moms, get “it” all done? 

Seriously? 

We are the meal planners, bottle washers, outfit coordinators, Mt. Saint Laundry climbers, boo boo kissers and teachers. 

Add that to the taxi driver, vacuum operator, hygiene enforcer, social calendar keeper and dust bunny catcher section of the resume.

We are the sibling police, home decorators, brownie bakers (at the last minute because our child forgot to tell us they signed us up for 3 batches), home maintenance supervisors and more.

On top of all that, we need to be lovers extraordinaire, the bed time story reader, healer of broken hearts and bruised friendship fixer.

Don’t forget the need to be the hostess with the mostess, the loser of baby weight, toilet bowl scrubber and toy cleaner upper.

Somehow, we also expect ourselves to be the spiritual thermometer, the memory keeper, the vacation planner and the beauty sleeper. 

How do we do this everyday?  What charges a mama’s batteries?

•  One slobbery kiss from a sweet baby
• A picture, colored inside the lines, just for mommy
• A “please” or “thank you” spoken in public without prompting
• Your lap being the treasured sitting place of a special little one
• Watching chubby legs take their first steps
• The moment your child can read the story to you but still wants Mommy to read it
• Walking out the door with a child wearing stripes and polka dots with their snow boots in the middle of July
• Observing big brother *finally* share a toy with little sister
• Everyone at the dinner table eating the same thing and liking it
• 20 minutes to take a quiet shower because all the kids fell asleep at nap time
• Sleeping breath on your neck as you carry in the child that fell asleep in the car
• Little arms wrapped around your leg, feeling safest when protected by you
• The occasional hug or half grin from a grumpy teenager

All the little things energize me to not only stay the course while my children are young, but to enjoy each moment.  They grow so fast! 

I am energized by watching them grow and develop.  I am energized by catching glimpses of the men they will become. And, I am energized by the memories of the babies they once were.

We do “it” all because we love them.  And, we love them because they own pieces of our hearts. 

 To all the Energizer mama’s out there- charge on!

This post was written as part of the Energizer BlogHer ‘10 contest, sponsored by Energizer and @kailani.  I have had the pleasure of working with Energizer for conducting product reviews and giveaways in the past and would be honored to represent their brand at BlogHer.

Holy Housewives Chapter 4

Are you enjoying the perspectives on this book?  I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments!  And, if you like what you read here, please subscribe to receive new posts in your inbox or reader!

Chapter four of Passionate Housewives, Desperate for God is entitled Weary Women.  Lord knows, I have felt weary many times as a wife, mother and Christian woman.  Here are my thoughts on this chapter: 

• The authors first tackle the subject of quiet time.  While I agree with this statement “..to beat ourselves up over our failure to create a worship time that resembles someone else’s isn’t necessary and can sometimes be detrimental”, most of what they said on this topic I disagreed with.  While I do not think it is necessary to be legalistic about “quiet time” (whatever that looks like for you is between you and God).  I was concerned that the authors dismissed the importance of spending time with God EVERY day.  I do remember and can certainly sympathize with mama’s of little ones (the times of 5, 2 and 1 year old boys are still alive and well in my mind, trust me!).  The enemy would love for us to feel so overwhelmed by our day to day routine that we would think it is okay to neglect the most important relationship in our lives- our relationship with Jesus Christ.  Spending time in His Word and humbling ourselves before Him in prayer is a necessity to getting through those times of parenting that leave us exhausted and irritable.  How can your focus be on Him if you aren’t spending time with Him?  One of my favorite verses about this is Psalm 5:3.  Please don’t misunderstand and think that I am saying quiet time can only take place in the morning- I am just pointing to the importance of making time with God a priority in our lives! (Visit one of my new favorite sites, Scripture Dig, for more ideas and resources on this topic)
• I liked the suggestion on page 52 to “copy chapters of Scripture” to have when you have time to sit and read (even if it is in the bathroom, ha!)  I have done this for several years.  I bought a photo album that could fit in my purse at the dollar store and wrote favorite Bible verses on index cards.  I have read those verses in traffic, waiting in line at the grocery store, doctor’s appointments and have even had my children read them aloud when arguing or bickering erupted in the back seat of the car.  I think this is a practical way to keep God’s Word close and on our minds frequently throughout our busy days.

Focus on the Father and He will help you get through those days of diapers and sippy cups, just like He now helps me get through the days of cell phones and curfews.

Be sure to check in with Betty to see her thoughts on this book as well.

Do you struggle to find time with God each day?

The B-I-B-L-E

I remember my first Bible.  It was a purple Precious Moments Bible with my name on it that someone {maybe a relative?} gave me when I was around eight.  I treasured that Bible but can’t say that I read it much or understood what I did read.

Thankfully, my kids have grown up in an era when the Bible is translated into words they can understand.  Couple that with the creative folks at Tyndale Publishing and you have the Hands-On Bible- an interactive Bible that my youngest son, Matt, has been enjoying since it arrived in the mail earlier this week.

Here are some things I am impressed with:

• The graphics are “cool” and engaging.  They draw my son in to want to read more and learn more about the stories they depict.
• There is a feature called “Bible Hero Biographies” that really pique a boy’s interest by making the people in the Bible stories relatable and interesting.  Every boy loves a good hero!
• There are “hands on Bible experiences” throughout the Bible that my son has been enjoying.  He has already completed several in just the few days he has had this Bible. (I will share my favorite at the end of this post).  Science experiments, crafts, snack ideas, journaling…true hands-on learning is encouraged in this Bible.

I also like the NLT (New Living Translation) for kids this age.  Matt understands what he reads in a way other translations have not provided him, which is great!  I also appreciate the effort the publishers put into the bonus interactive website, My Hands on Bible, that provides parents with additional resources and ideas (devotions, music and more) for making the Bible interesting and relevant to our kids.

Before I tell you about the contest going on over at the Hands on Bible site (think pizza, Bibles and family fun), I wanted to share one of the activities Matt recently completed from his Hands on Bible.

In the Hands on Bible, it was being explained that Psalm 119 is written as an acrostic poem, except in the Hebrew alphabet.  Then the activity was for kids to make an acrostic poem of their own, using their first name and words that describe God. Here is Matthew’s (spelling errors included =)

M- Maker

A- All-Knowing

T- Tollerent

T- True

H- Holy

E- Extrordinary

W- Willing

Isn’t that awesome?  The Word coming alive to our kids? Nothing better!

So, head on over to their website and check out this awesome Bible and an opportunity to win big!  I will be heading over to purchase one for my six year old nephew!

I was provided a complimentary copy of the Hands On Bible for review.  All opinions are mine (and my child’s) and were not influenced by anyone else.  Thank you to the MOB Society for facilitating this review!

God and teens

My kids enjoy church {right now}.  They are active in their youth group and enjoy serving alongside their youth pastor in different ministry opportunities.  They {sometimes} enjoy serving alongside their dad and I.  So, why am I worried about their relationship with God?

• Statistics show that more than 50% of kids their age {13-17} attend church on a regular basis.  BUT, that number drops to less than 35% between 18-29.
• There are so many competing interests for my kids time and energy.  I want God to remain the PRIMARY voice that they hear and discern as they go through life.
• Departure from church often times means that the kids are “taking a break” from their faith all together.  I have been there and done that- YIKES!

What can I do to encourage my kids {particularly my seventeen year old} to keep faith a priority as societal temptations, distractions and ambition compete for their attention?

1. Trust God.  When the prodigal son left, the father did not chase him down and beg him not to go. He trusted and hoped that he would return.  As our kids grow up, we have to relinquish {more and more} control and increase our faith and trust that God has got their outcome in His hands.
2. Lead by example.  Our kids need to see consistency from their parents and the adults they respect in their lives.  Even if my kids one day make the choice not to go to church, it will remain an expectation when they are living in our house {and a strong encouragement when they are visiting}. 
3. Tell my story.  So often, we are nervous to tell our kids that we messed up in our past.  As my kids get older, I see that God can use the mistakes of my past as a real life illustration to show the dangers of wandering away from God {and His awesome, redemptive power}.
4. Love, love and more love.  No matter the choices my children make I must love them anyway.  This reality has been tested in my life already with our oldest son and I can tell you that love is a universal language.  It gets through when nothing else can.  {and that includes the language of tough love when necessary}.

Do you worry about your child’s faith as they grow and leave home? 

As always, please link up your teen/tween related posts below:

 

MRSA and our teens

**Welcome to Teen/Tween Thursday!  If you have a post about parenting teens/tweens please link it up below**

Several months ago I participated in a webinar with Grant Hill and Clorox about the dangers of MRSA, particularly in schools and locker rooms.  I enjoyed the call, received a lot of information and my son got a signed Grant Hill basketball out of the deal.  Little did I know that this weekend I would be digging that information back out because my son had acquired MRSA, probably during conditioning for high school basketball.

Jared had a spot on his ankle that looked like a small boil one day and the next was red, pussy, warm to the touch and had smaller pustules next to it.  We took him to the ER (we were out of town for the 4th) where they had to cut and drain the large and smaller places on his ankle (suffice it to say, I almost passed out and it was horrible to see my baby in so much pain).  They sent the “discharge” for culture and started him on antibiotics.  He will be fine, although he has had some fever, developed a double ear infection and just doesn’t feel good.  But, this has definitely been a scary experience!

Here are some facts about MRSA (courtesy of Clorox):

What is MRSA and how is it spread?

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), most MRSA, or methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus, infections acquired in the community are skin infections that may appear as pustules or boils that are often red, swollen and painful, or have pus or other drainage. These skin infections commonly occur where there are cuts or abrasions, and on areas of the body covered by hair.¹ Although serious MRSA disease is still predominantly related to exposures in hospital or health care settings, infections outside health care settings are increasing.²

MRSA is usually transmitted by direct skin-to-skin contact or contact with shared items or surfaces that have come into contact with someone else’s infection (e.g., dirty towels, used bandages).¹ Therefore, practicing both good personal hygiene and disinfection of items and surfaces are important in prevention of the spread of MRSA.

MRSA is fond of locker rooms, gyms and teen boys and girls involved in sports are at particular risk.  Please educate your child about this and educate yourself so you can recognize it and get them treatment right away!  And, if you think about it say a prayer for my Jared until this nasty infection clears up!

Monkey see…monkey do?

I know I have said this before but raising teenagers is hard with a capital H. 

With summer comes a lot more invitations for the kids to go to this person’s house, to spend the night with so and so and go play with this group.  Most of the time I encourage the group to play here- we have the air hockey table, the video games, the basketball hoop, etc.  But that doesn’t always suffice.

I pray over my boys when they leave.  So often, they are going in to homes (even Christian ones) that do not share the same rules, values and expectations as we have in our home.  My husband reminds me that this is a great opportunity for our boys to exercise the things they have learned but a mama can’t help but worry.

Yesterday, my boys announced they had a hilarious show they wanted to us to watch as a family.  When they said the name of the show, my first reaction was absolutely not.  I had seen the show before and it is completely inappropriate.  Hubby and I excused ourselves and discussed it.  We decided to watch as a family but before we did we had our 14 year old read to us from Philippians.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things.  Philippians 4:8

We asked the boys to keep track in their minds of how many times the show blatantly referenced sex in an inappropriate way.  They rolled their eyes but I saw their fingers keeping track as we watched the show (and I kept a poker face and counted away in my mind).

Fifteen minutes into the half hour show, Jared said “Let’s turn it off, mom.”  So, I did and we inquired why he wanted to.  Jared and Matt were both blushing and embarrassed.  “I counted 12″, said Matt.  “I counted 13″, said Jared. (I had counted 12 by the way)

Folks, we had only watched half of the show.  That is an inappropriate sexual situation, comment or innuendo at the rate of almost one per minute.

Is that what we want penetrating the ears, the eyes and the hearts of our children?  How can we expect them to maintain a pure heart if they are exposed to literal filth on a daily basis?

The easy solution would be to turn off our cable (which we have password protected, BTW) and throw away our TV’s.  But, that would not protect them completely.  They will see these things in the homes of fellow believers.  The important thing is to educate our kids about what to do when they see something that doesn’t coincide with their values or that makes them uncomfortable.

Teenagers, boys and girls alike, need to understand how important it is to guard their hearts.  Guard their eyes.  Guard their ears.  Guard their bodies.

How are you teaching your teen/tween to guard their hearts?

 

As always, please link up any post you have about parenting teens/tweens below.

Giving kids their space

“Leave me alone”

“I need to get out of here”

“I can’t stand being here with you”

These are all things that I hear on a regular basis in a house full of testosterone teen boys. 

Now don’t get me wrong, my boys are usually respectful and obedient children.  But, lately, they seem to really need their own space.  Especially when they are angry, hurt or need to think.

So, how do you handle it when your kids don’t want to be around you?  My nature as a mama is to want to hug them, talk it out and make everything better.

My nature needs to take a back seat to their needs. 

Aside from the fact that hormones and chemicals in their brain are surging at an all time high, making it hard for them to control their emotions, they are also dealing with a natural desire to handle things on their own.

It is so hard for me to give them time and space.  But, when I do the results are worth it.

If I let them have 45 minutes or so to cool down on the basketball court or reading in their room, they can actually come to me and tell me what they did wrong, why it was wrong, why they were upset, what they could have done differently, etc.  However, if I force them to talk about an issue when they are frustrated or upset, the hormonal fireworks in their brain are going to keep them from hearing ANYTHING I say.

So, I am learning to take a deep breath, suggest a time out for all of us and come back to discuss the situation when we have all cooled down.

I know sometimes I need my space and I’m learning to give my boys their space too!

Do you have a teen/tween parenting post?  Link it up below:

Delighting in your kids

The front door burst open yesterday afternoon and before I could even turn my head, he had jumped in front of me.

Fists pumping in the air, legs in a stance I could never replicate, he made an announcement:

I am a freshman!

Yes, my child you are.

You are growing up right before my eyes and your brother is right behind you, nipping at the heels of growing up.

Your excitement is palpable, your confidence intact.

You are a freshman. 

And, today, I choose to enjoy and delight in parenting a freshman rather than being sad about the fact that in four short years you will be fist pumping excited about being a high school graduate.

This post is linked to Tuesdays Unwrapped.

The Fun House

We (my hubby and I) long ago decided we wanted to be the “go-to” house for our kid’s friends as they grow up.  That way we have our finger on the pulse (so to speak) of what is going on with our kids and the friends that they choose to hang out with.  That was a nice thought, especially when we lived out in the country and none of our neighbors had kids. 

When we moved in December, we moved into a neighborhood.  You know, the kind with other people living there?  My kids had an instant influx of friends because many of the children they attend school with also live in this development.

Our doorbell rings incessantly.

The thump, thump of a dribbling basketball can’t be escaped.

Whoops and hollering over fooz ball games is a frequent sound.

I have to step over a maze of legs and arms to get to the kitchen while the boys are playing Madden on the Playstation.

My bathroom is dirtier times six.

I go through bags of pretzels, popcorn and bottled water like nobody’s business.

But, this is exactly what I envisioned for our house and I wouldn’t have it any other way.  I get to know what is on the boys minds about girls, grades, and friendships.  Some of them even end up coming to church with us.

While there are a few downsides, especially the unique odor that multiplies when teen boys are laying in your house, I am thankful that our house is considered the “fun” house and hope it will be for years to come.

Where do your kids hang out?

Please link up your Teen/Tween Thursday post (any post about parenting kids this age) below:

 

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