Open letter to family court system

This is an actual letter I wrote after an interesting and eye opening experience with one of the teen moms I mentor.  Names have been left blank to protect privacy.

August 13, 2010

Dear Judge ________,

I had my first encounter with the family court system on August 11, 2010 when I accompanied ________ _________ to a hearing to extend an emergency protection order filed against her mother’s boyfriend, ___________ ________. 

I wanted to share my takeaway from the experience with you in hopes that I can provide you with a different perspective.  I can only imagine the dysfunction you see in your court room on a daily basis.  As a resident of this county, as a woman and as a mother I appreciate all that you do for families in our area.

However, __________ left the courtroom that day feeling marginalized and defeated, despite the fact that you did rule to extend the order to keep her and her daughter safe.  The reason for her feeling this way is that her mother, ____, took the stand, told you half- truths and outright lies and you seemed to believe them.

I encouraged _______ when we left that it doesn’t matter if you weren’t able to obtain the full story, at least she has the ability to keep herself and ________ safe, at least, until November.  But, I also sensed that this is exactly why it is so difficult for us (our organization and others that work with these girls) to get them to file charges in the first place.

In most of the cases we deal with, we certainly encourage and facilitate the relationship between the teen mom and her family.  But, in cases like ________’s, safety and healthy relationships are more important than biology.

This is not the first instance that Mr. _________ has been physical with ________.  He has also been physical with her mom and the charges filed by ________ are his second offense domestic violence proceedings.  ________ would have been unable to call 911 that day if our agency had not provided her with a cell phone, as her mother and Mr. _______ gave her no access to a land line or a cell phone and severely limited her access to the internet and other forms of communication.

________ has four younger brothers and sisters that have been in the foster care system for several years due to _____’s instability and history of drug and alcohol addiction.  When _________ referred to ________’s “running away” on the stand, she was actually making reference to a time when ________ had to go and stay with her mother’s friend because Mr. _______ had been physical with her during her pregnancy and they were pressuring her to obtain an abortion that she did not want.

I am not naive and realize that often teenagers embellish and exaggerate stories to make themselves look good and their parents like the ogres.  However, this is not one of those cases.  We carefully examine and research the girl’s in our program so we know how best to help them.  We know _______’s past and the obstacles, including her mother, that she has had to overcome to be where she is today–safe and with hope for her future.

_________ just graduated with honors from __________ High School, in spite of her home situation.  She is scheduled to start a technical program at _________ Community College in February.  She is an excellent mom to her 9 month old daughter.

I share these facts with you in hopes that in the future, when a frightened young woman comes into your court room, that you will objectively provide her with the benefit of the doubt and an opportunity to deflect the insinuations and dishonest testimony of a woman (even if it is her own mother) protecting an abuser.  Due to the fact that _______ nor I had any experience with family court etiquette, neither of us felt it was appropriate (or that we were given the opportunity) to speak up and correct the errors her mother was sharing on the stand and provide you with these facts.

Thank you for taking the time to read this.  I do not envy your job and wish you all the best!

Sincerely,

Melissa Smallwood

God sets the lonely in families…

Many of you know that orphans (and to me this is any child without parents- foster children or orphans in Ethiopia) have always been a passion of mine.

Now, reading Radical, has lit a fire under that passion once again. Reignited the passion of my heart in a way that can’t and won’t burn out.

 Yes, my hubby and I donate to Reece’s Rainbow and Compassion and many other agencies but we want to do more.  We need to do more.

I am spending a lot of time asking God how He would like us to proceed- what should we be doing to help.  Our help will take many different forms over the next few months but today I feel God wanting me to use this platform- my blog- to raise awareness.

The title of this blog post comes straight out of the Word:

A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in His holy dwelling.  God sets the lonely in families…Psalm 68: 5-6a

A blogging friend that I had the pleasure of meeting in February recently traveled to Africa with Compassion International.  The posts she wrote from their stirred my heart.  The photos were gripping.  And she was changed. 

There is a verse in Proverbs that says:

Don’t excuse yourself by saying, “Look, we didn’t know.”
      For God understands all hearts, and he sees you.
   He who guards your soul knows you knew.
      He will repay all people as their actions deserve. Proverbs 24:12

How about this version from another translation:

 Rescue the perishing;
   don’t hesitate to step in and help.
If you say, “Hey, that’s none of my business,”
   will that get you off the hook?
Someone is watching you closely, you know—
   Someone not impressed with weak excuses. (The Message)

Those verses pierce my heart.  Because I know it.  I see it. 

The commercials on TV that make me cringe and change the channel.

The blog posts from my friends who have heeded the call to care for the orphan through adoption or mission work.

I will not be able to stand before God and say “but I didn’t know”.  Because I do know.  We all know.

So, what are we called to do about it?

I can’t answer that for you. It is between you and God.  What I can say is that James 1:27 was not written for a select few.  It was written to all who read and believe in God’s Word.  And what He said is this:

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this; to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.  James 1:27

The world has polluted us into believing that we aren’t responsible for the 147 million orphans around this world.  For the 26, 000 children that will die today from preventable, treatable conditions. WE ARE RESPONSIBLE!

As my family and I sort through what God wants us to do next, I’m not going to do nothing in the interim.  Wouldn’t the enemy just love that?  Get me riled up, let me feel passionate and then discover how overwhelming the need is and decide to do nothing?  No, that is not the way.  We are mighty warriors that serve the powerful God.  If this is what He sees as pure and faultless, isn’t it obvious that He will provide ways for us to make life better for these hurting people?

Kristen hosted an adoption link-up where families adopting could post their needs and we, as Christians, can help meet those needs.  Here are a few whose heart and creativity really touched me:

Adoption magnets

Custom Clothes

CD’s

Custom Art

Hope Suds

T-shirt (that I love!)

Signs of Faith

And there were more!  Those are just a few of the ways you can make a difference in an orphan’s life.

Then, in a very God ordained sort of way, I read this post from another blog I follow.  Today.  Yes, I don’t believe in coincidences either. 

What are we supposed to do?  I think the answer is actually quite simple.

Do something!

Holy Week- Maundy Thursday

This was such a special night.  A night when Jesus provided his disciples (present and future) with beautiful promises for those that choose to serve Him.

The Lord gave them a new command that night (and it still holds true for us today).

A new command I give you.  Love one another.  As I have loved you, so you must love one another.  By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.  John 13:34-35

I struggle sometimes in my friendships with other believers (other disciples of Jesus). We can really be hard on each other. Amen?

As Christian women we certainly don’t set the best of examples for others when we publically debate over theology, judge one another for our actions without being aware of someone’s complete situation, put our “best” face forward instead of being stripped bare before others as was demonstrated on this Holy Thursday so many years ago.

I write this, not in a spirit of condemnation because I too am guilty of this, but in a spirit of desire: desiring to follow after the command that Jesus left the night before He carried our sins to the cross.

Jesus kept talking that night and would repeat His words about loving one another.

My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.  Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends….This is my command: Love each other.  John 15: 12-13, 17

A great way to lay down our life, our flesh for our friends is to crucify the need to be right.

The need to have the last word.  The need to be vindicated.  The need to be acknowledged.

Today, I am asking my God to bring to my remembrance times that I have not put loving my friends, my sisters in Christ ahead of my own wants, desires and needs.

Wash me, Lord, of selfish ambition, pride, haughtiness, sinful anger.  Let me see others through your merciful and tender eyes. Help me be the friend you want me to be, demonstrating your love to everyone I come in contact with.  Give me the courage to say I am sorry when I miss the mark and the tenacity to carry on.  Through your strength Jesus, only through your strength.  Wash me, Lord.  Thank you for being the example of what true relationships should look like.  I am in awe of your glory. ~Amen.

If anything I have written or said on this site has caused any of you to stumble, hurt you or affected you negatively in any way I take this time to humbly ask for your forgiveness.  Let us spur one another on toward doing good and abiding in Jesus and his sacrificial love for us.

Reece’s Rainbow

I have always had a heart for children.  Children without loving families.  Children with special needs.

When I first started blogging I discovered the website, Reece’s Rainbow.  This is a ministry serving the needs of children around the world with Down Syndrome and other special needs, helping them find their forever families.  While it was not in the cards for my husband and I to adopt any of these special kids (my heart for our family is foster care) I will never tire of raising awareness of this special ministry.

On March 21, 2010 (to honor the 3rd copy of the 21st chromosome presented in Down syndrome), the world comes together to raise awareness and advocate for people living with Down syndrome.

Because Reece’s Rainbow has an international focus, we are doing our part to further the recognition of this very special day!

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress…

Look at this beautiful little girl and tell me she was not lovingly made by our Creator (Psalm 139).

What is this blog for anyway?

I arrived home from Blissdom with a heavy heart.

Mind you, I had a fabulous time (with a capital F) and learned a lot.

I also realized that I had strayed from my passions- the passions that led me to start this blog in the first place almost two years ago.  I have been working on shifting my focus back to sharing life from my heart with my readers.  (All my product reviews, giveaways, professional organizing advice, etc. will be on my professional organizing site starting March 1st.)

I blog about life.

Life as an adoptive mom of a child with severe emotional and behavioral issues, life as a mama of all boys, life as a mama of all tween/teen boys, life as a wife, life with multiple sclerosis and lupus, life as a former foster child, high school drop out turned teen mom who found Jesus and has never been the same since!

I blog about cutting through the clutter of life…the things that distract us from seeing and enjoying the life and purpose God has for us. When I speak at mom’s groups and women’s events, I usually am either sharing my testimony or sharing how to get control of your calendar, manage your time, set realistic goals and priorities and handle money the way God intended.

I’m glad you stopped by if you are here from Kelly’s Korner and invite you to read my About Me page and/or listen to my intro video to learn a little more about me and this here blog ‘o mine.

An Amazing Passion

“There are children all over the world in need of a family, love, and basic care. Many of these children have disabilities and are placed in mental institutions at the age of 4 or 5. In these places the children rarely live past the age of 10 and most die within the first year. Will you help to spread the word to raise funds and families for orphans with disabilities? Please visit Reece’s Rainbow and see how your donation- however large or small- can help a child find a family. Look a little harder and you just might find the calling for one of them to be your own.

If finances aren’t a way you can help, please look across their photos and say a prayer that each one will find their forever family soon. Reece’s Rainbow is an International Down Syndrome Orphan Ministry which also advocates for orphans with other disabilites across the globe. Please “grab this button” and post it with a message to your own readers as well. It starts with ONE, but then grows exponentially. You never know, your own post may be one that finds a family for one of these precious children.”

Isn’t that amazing? I have encountered many people with Down’s and other developmenta disabilities during my career. I stumbled across this ministry by a post on another blog. It immediately struck my heart. I have always wanted to adopt a child, a little girl, since I myself was a little girl. Circumstances have always prevented it and I’m not sure if an adoption will ever occur. But, while my family is praying about that we can certainly make a donation and pray, pray, pray for this incredible ministry. Please click on the button on my sidebar for more information and say a prayer for all the children around the world facing institutionalization for the rest of their lives when their 4th birthday rolls around.