watching your husband love on a baby, having opened his heart and life to the unexpected and embracing it for all it is worth.

Love is…

a teenager playing with a little cousin, making them laugh and admitting they had a good time, too.

Love is…

opening your heart and trusting God to give you enough love to go around to all those He gives you to love.

Love is…

accepting your body as the Temple in which He dwells and loving it accordingly.  Not in spite of the imperfections but because you are just who He created you to be, imperfections and all.

Love is….

cheering your son on in a sport that you do not understand and makes you cringe to watch.

Love is…

celebrating the moments, big and small, together.  Giving glory to the One that makes all things new!

Love is…

making the most of each moment with each child, even if it means milkshakes at McDonald’s on the way to church, just the two of you.

Love is…

cleaning up messes, overlooking grievances, appreciating the little things, making time for each other, valuing the ones God places in your life, letting go of hurts quickly, apologizing for inflicting hurts even more quickly and making every moment count.

Love is family.  Love is marriage.  Love is friends. Love is God, from Him and of Him.

Not chocolates or roses or fancy dinners.  Love is a choice we make everyday to value the people in our lives more than we value ourselves.

What is love to you?

Oft lately, my mind and heart ponder a different type of clutter.

The clutter of busyness.  The clutter of doing.  The clutter that accumulates when you are not weeding out the good to make room for God’s best.

Isn’t it funny how we can be the worst at taking the advice we so freely give?

When life is hectic and the soul is parched, Living Water is the only thirst quencher.

Today I am thankful for the clarity and comfort that comes from spending time in the Word and with the Author.

and the counting of gifts continues… {excerpts from my Joy Dare/gratitude journal}

~ an impromptu dinner with just my youngest

~  transitioning Sweet Pea to the sippy cup

~  dark denim boot cut jeans {that fit}

~  first words in a new prayer journal

~  fresh cut flowers at a swanky event

~  generous organizations that host swanky events to benefit YoungLives

~  frost on the van, windows, it is January after all
~  a husband that supports your choices

~  two out of two wins at middle son’s wrestling tournament

~ the promise of Isaiah 58:11

What are you thankful for?

I am a Maryland girl and few things make me happier than the Chesapeake Bay

The Inner Harbor at sunset

We spent an afternoon at the Baltimore Museum of Art {one of the top ten museums in the country!}. I could go there a million times and not be bored.  Then we had a fabulous dinner {broiled scallops with crab imperial} at Phillip’s {a well known seafood restaurant in Maryland}. The restaurant has relocated to the old power plant and the ambiance is neat.  Tin ceiling tiles and the like.

Then we perused the bookstore {another of my favorite things to do}.  I bought the latest Jodi Picoult novel with my gift card.

We got dessert to go here

Need I say more?

Then joined my grandparents for a birthday brunch at Petit Louis Bistro on Roland Ave. the next day. Divine!

Time away with my hubby, visiting my favorite haunts and celebrating another year of life….it was a perfect weekend!

and the counting of gifts continues~

~ ringing in the New Year with friends

~ breakfast at Waffle House before Shayla boarded the bus back to school

~ discovering new features of my iPhone 4s

~ holding hands with my hubby in the art museum

~ friends that watch kids so couples can have alone time {thanks, Kenya!}

~ a ministry partner and friend that gets me and loves me anyway

~ Reese’s Cup cheesecake

~ passion fruit sorbet with a candle in it

~ remembering where true treasure lies (Matthew 6:19-21}

~ writing New Year goals with the hubby {and being on the same page}

What are you thankful for?

“I am going to take the boys and pick up Sweet Pea.  See you when you get home.  Drive careful“.

His lips brushed my forehead and he headed out of the lodge with our three sons in tow.  All four of them had rosy cheeks from the windy night of snow tubing we had just enjoyed.

I had a van full of teen moms to chauffeur home so I waved at my hubby and smiled at my boys as they piled into our car.

“How long have you been married?” she asked. “You make it look so easy.”

The first part of the comment was not hard to answer.  I’ve been married since I was eighteen.

But, easy?

Hardly.

I prayed a silent prayer before I answered her question and addressed the questioning in her eyes.

“Well, we have been  married for almost 14 years”, I replied.  “And it isn’t ever easy but it has gotten easier over time.”

I was able to take a few moments and explain how our marriage was difficult with a capital D for the first few years.  I brought a lifetime’s worth of baggage and he had his fair share as well.

But, God.

I was saved 2 years after we got married and my husband the following year.  We can look back now and see that the condition of our marriage is directly correlated to whether we allowed God into the equation.

We ended the conversation with her saying she hoped that kind of love was out there for her.

Our brief conversation was an eye opener to me. The world is watching how we, as believers, handle our marriages.

Each and every day I have a choice.  To just go with the flow and see how things turn out or to purpose in my heart to be the wife God created me to be and tap into the strength available through Him to do so.

I don’t often view my marriage as a testimony but it is. I should.

Daily, my children and the girls I work with are looking to see if this love thing, the way God designed for it to be, is real.  Can two people make it work for the long haul?

I am so thankful that my eyes were opened to this reality.

My marriage is speaking to hearts… the question is, do I like what it says?

I pray for marriage everyday.  My marriage, my children’s future spouses, my friends marriages and marriage in general.  God designed this special union to illustrate the way Christ feels about the Church.  What could be more special than that?

While I pray for marriage everyday, I am not good at being married everyday.

Sometimes, when you have been married as long as we have {will be 15 years in July}, you tend to get irritated by the little things that you thought were adorable when you first met.

For instance, I can not stand the way my husband chews.  Simply can NOT take it.  And, I don’t like food in the bed.  So, when he brings his nightly bowl of cereal into the bedroom, my claws come out {good thing I bite my fingernails}.

I write that and then think of the ways I fail at this marriage thing and realize that I need to focus on the good {and there is SO much good}.

To be completely honest, I am difficult to live with most days and exceptionally difficult to live with the other days.  This is not a shocking fact to those that know me well. However, some of my readers might be surprised to learn that I am a moody, tightly wound woman with high expectations of myself and others and the person that sees the ugliest side of me is my hubby.

Ladies, seriously, the man is a saint. I work crazy, bizarre hours in this full-time ministry life.  When I am not away from the house completely, I am tethered to my computer or cell phone.  I am also chronically ill so after the energy I expend on other things, there is not much left over for housework and being domestic. 

Mike loves me enough to let me be the Melissa that God created me to be.  He allows me the freedom to pursue my passions.  He is incredibly generous with his time, money and heart.  He extends grace when I am frazzled and cranky.

We had an impromptu date night on Friday.  Taking the time to listen to him, to spend time with him without the interruptions of kids, work and other craziness was refreshing.  Today I recommit in my heart to focus on the good.

There is so much good!

What do you love about your husband?

The rooms are cozy

The view breathtaking

It is the perfect place for relaxation, rejuvenation and reconnecting with the hubby.

A weekend away in Gatlinburg, TN is exactly what this mama needed!

And the counting of gifts continues {321-330}:

~ A God that created the Smoky Mountains

~ coffee on the balcony, overlooking the mountains with my hubby

~ watching dear friends exchange their wedding vows

~ jacuzzi bubble baths

~ a weekend without kids

~ reading the Word together, the three stranded chord that holds our marriage together

~ Sweet Pea’s gibberish on the phone

~ the best grits {garlic parmesan} this girl has ever tasted

~ cute gray flats

~ no laptop for the weekend

What are you thankful for?

Ahem…yeah.

So, anyway here I am playing catch up again {days 15-22}.  Bear with me, mmmk?

Day 15: Show your dream home

If this question had been posed three years ago, my dream would have materialized quite differently.  However, since reading Radical and going on a journey with God {as a family} our view of our future and our desires for that future have changed.  No longer do I want to move to the mountains to a log cabin with my hubby.  I don’t need granite counter tops or hardwood floors {although I’m not opposed to either}. In fact, we made the decision to downsize in December 2009 to a house half the size with a lot an eighth of the size and have not regretted it {except for the days I long for peace and quiet SOMEWHERE in this house}.

We are open to moving, if God calls us to.  If I could live anywhere I wanted, it would be southern Florida to be near my brothers, nephews and my dad. And, the house in those dreams looks like this:

This is a picture of my brother Tom’s house and I would be more than happy to be his next door neighbor!

{skipping day 16 because the crazy things I have done in my life are not things I am sharing with the interwebs}

Day 17: Something you are insecure about/something you are proud of

I am crazy insecure about my weight.  I have gained over 45 pounds since 2008 when I was diagnosed with MS.  The inactivity from injuries and illness, coupled with side effects of medication plus a lack of self control in the face of depression has me weighing more than I ever have.

I am also insecure about my writing.  Whenever I press publish on a post {or don’t} it is usually because of paralyzing fear, rooted in insecurity {which truly equates to pride}.  This is something I talk with the Lord about often.

I am proud of the children I have raised.  My boys are special, funny, polite, confident and most importantly, they love Jesus.  Since I started at this parenting thing young and not knowing Christ, I am constantly amazed at who they are growing up to be.

I am also proud of my hubby and I.  We married as two wounded unbelievers and have weathered many storms.  We have been together for almost 16 years and have been married for 14!  Praise the Lord!

Day 18: Wedding Talk

I’ve already posted a picture of our wedding day for this challenge so I will tell you a little about the day.  It was a hot, clear day in July and we had a beautiful outdoor ceremony.  One of my favorite memories of the day is that my great-grandmother Inez attended from Florida.  She passed away in 2006 but she always talked about that day and I am blessed that she was there for it.  Marrying Mike is one of the best decisions I have ever made.

Day 19:  Talents and Hobbies

I love to write.  Some say it is a talent of mine.  I also sing….I love to sing on the worship team at church {and in the shower and the car}. I like to read, travel, ride on the back of my hubby’s Harley and spend time with my kiddos {fur and human!}

Day 20: Something I wish I could forget

The sting of being rejected by your mother is one that fades {until it happens again, then the wound feels as fresh as the first time} but does not ever go away.  I wish that it did.

Day 21: Favorite Recipe

I love the burgers my hubby makes for the grill.  You can find the recipe on my local blog.

Day 22: Favorite Websites

For inspiration: (in)Courage, A Holy Experience

For frugal living: Balancing Beauty and Bedlam, Pennies and Blessings

For the writer’s soul: Chatting at the Sky, Lysa TerKeurst’s blog

For parenting boys: The M.O.B Society {I write a monthly column there called Tackling the Talk}

For fun: Scary Mommy, Rage against the Mini Van

For making me think: A Deeper Story, Desiring God blog, Shaun Groves

Kindred Spirits: Joy in this Journey, Teri Lynne Underwood, Brooke McGlothlin, Lynette Kraft, Marla Taviano, She Sparkles, We are THAT Family

And, that is ENOUGH about me for one day

“Let me tell you something, Church. The term marriage has been tainted, scarred, and made a mockery of by the adulteress who willingly accepts a man from a troubled marriage. Marriage has been burnt alive by porn addiction and selfish husbands. Marriage has been destroyed by unforgiving wives and a blatant unwillingness by both parties to lay down their lives. Marriage has not been ruined by the gay community. And if we truly, not self righteously but truly, want to return marriage to its original sanctity, the fight, the cleansing and purifying, has to begin within the church.”

Please go read this post in it’s entirety at Kingdom Twindom.  Thank you for your willingness to say the hard things, Sarah!

And, another post that has me nodding in agreement is “An Apology to Democrats and Jesus” over at Marla’s blog.

August brings back to school preparation, an eBook launch, Jason going to MEPS for the National Guard, Miss S and Sweet Pea {and almost 30 other teen mama’s + babies} going to YoungLives camp without me and another month of physical therapy on my knee.

August also brings time to visit with my grandparents, a marriage conference at our church and the tethered desire to break out the autumn decorations {Mike likes me to wait until after Labor Day}.

Today, I look back on our summer with gratitude.

The two weeks we spent as a family in Florida..

Sweet Pea learning to crawl…

Celebrating our 14th wedding anniversary…

Precious time with nephews…

Marcus

nephew #2…

Treyden

also thankful for:

~ the kind words of others telling me what good helpers my boys were at VBS

~ for sermons that speak to the heart

~ reminders of the sacred covenant that is marriage

~ feeling God close when you need to

~ knowing that the right thing is the right thing

Fourteen years ago, finding a brunette {because I am not blonde} cake-topper bride was a huge priority in my life.  On the eve of making the biggest commitment of my life.

Thankfully, my grandparents rose to the challenge and scoured stores in the four-state area to find me a brunette bride and a dark haired groom cake-topper and all was right with my wedding.

I look back now and chuckle to myself.  I thought it was all about the wedding.  The perfect day I had dreamed about since I was a little girl.  Finding my Prince Charming.  The white dress, the heart shaped tiers of the cake, the bouquet…it was all important to me. 

Now, I have come to realize that the important things in marriage are far different than the wedding.

The two becoming one is a process that is not completed with the utterance of the words “I do”.  It is the beginning of a lifetime journey.

On my 14th anniversary I wanted to share a few things I (we) have learned along the way….

• Be quick to apologize.  We are both the firstborn in our families of origin.  We are both choleric [fill in the blank of your favorite personality profile for Type A].  Bottom line: we are both stubborn as all get out.  When we were first married, it was far more important to both of us to be right than to have unity in our relationship.  Our relationship really began to grow when we learned the value of an apology, the knitting together of hearts that takes place when you put your pride aside and put the other person first.
• Be quicker to forgive.  It is so easy to get your feelings hurt in marriage.  We spend more time with our spouse and they know us better than anyone else.  They know what buttons to push to elicit a reaction.  And, sometimes {just keeping it real} I am being ultra sensitive or irritable and just about anything Mike said would make me upset.  Instead of making a mountain out of a mole hill moment, I have learned to forgive and let go of so much more than I was able to when we were first married {and so is Mike}.  Most of the time, I take my hurt feelings to God and ask Him to show me how to be forgiving and gracious towards my husband.  (Colossians 3:13 is a favorite verse of mine about this topic)
• Make alone time a priority.  When our kids were little, we had a standing date night.  We have gotten away from the structure of that but still make an effort to have time, just the two of us, as frequently as possible.  We pursue shared interests by reading a book together or a concert, we shop together and run errands holding hands, we ride Mike’s Harley in the beautiful countryside that we are blessed to live in.  We take weekend trips at least once a year to reconnect and spend time making sure the other knows how much they are loved.  The truth is that the devil hates marriage.  Any fissure or crack in the foundation of your marriage leaves room for the enemy to creep in and sabotage.  The only way to shore up the cracks and fissures is to know that they are there in the first place.  In order to communicate those types of issues to Mike, I need time away from the busyness and distractions of life.  Alone time {with your spouse} is a must!
• Have God at the center of your union.  God has to be number One in my life, in Mike’s life and in our life together in order for our marriage to be all that it is designed to be.  Those times in our lives when we have had serious issues in our marriage are directly correlated with times we were not putting God first.  It is that simple.

What are some ways you keep your marriage a priority?  I would love to hear!

Tonight, we are headed to our favorite hibachi restaurant for an evening of celebration.  Happy anniversary to my sweet {long suffering} hubby!