Holy Housewives- Book One Wrap-up

I apologize for the lack of posting the last few weeks {my site was hacked} but I am up and running again {except that you may still see a warning in Firefox, does not happen in IE} so I will try to sum up my final thoughts on the book today and briefly touch on the chapters I wasn’t able to post about {how was that for a run-on sentence?}

We have been reading Passionate Housewives, Desperate for God for the past few weeks.  Here are my thoughts on the last chapters and then a summary at the end =) 

Chapter 5 talks about freedom from perfectionism. 

• For those of you that follow my organizing blog or listen to my podcast, you know that I am all about letting go of the pressure of perfectionism.  My sweet friend at Pleasing to You and I think quite similarly about this subject and she has started a new focus on Mondays called Lopsided Living {be sure to check it out!}  The author talks about a moment where had she insisted on living up to self imposed perfectionistic expectations, she would have ultimately taken a blessing away from someone else (page 80).  This is so important to remember!  If we do something just because we can we may be preventing the person that God had in mind for the task from fulfilling their calling.

Chapter Six

• I agree with the authors that the consumerism of our society and the culture of materialism we live in contributes to the demise of families.  I also believe that it contributes to our need to strive to be something we weren’t created to be.  The amount of debt that the average household carries saddles the family with undue stress and obligation.  Only when we stop being of the world and just live in it, will this cycle stop.  And that is only going to happen one family at a time.
• This quote from page 87 struck me as well: Would we still praise God if we had to keep dirt floors clean, children healthy, and gardens growing in a strange new environment far from family and friends?  The author was referring to women from previous centuries but it made me think of the women who are selflessly following their husbands into the mission field abroad.  Serving God when it is not convenient and comfortable.  Those are true heroes to me!
• This was also a thought provoking statement “Homes that are emptied of their meaning and purpose make up the culture in which we live.  When homes do not have creative, happy, intelligent mothers keeping them, their occupants go elsewhere to learn how to behave, to learn what music to love, to learn what art to imitate…Being keepers at home is about focusing upon the Lord in all the everydayness so that our houses become centers of hospitality, forgiveness, training, business, welfare, charity, shared mourning and celebration, and-oh, yes- lots of tracked in mud, crumbs under the chairs and everything else that goes with human beings“  The reason this statement struck me is that the teens I work with are missing this element in their lives. One young girl mentioned that my husband and I were only the second couple she had met in her life that had been married for more than 10 years.  Another had never experienced a sit down family style dinner until she dined with her mentor and family.  Being a stay at home mom is a witness to these girls and I never looked at it that way before.

Skipping to Chapter ten:

• Maybe it is because I have health issues that require me to take care of myself {so that I can take care of my family} but my fur goes up when the authors start saying that a mom putting herself on her own to do list is selfish.  Do I think that taking care of yourself can be taken too far…become an idol in your life? Absolutely.  But, the Bible also tells us that we are to love others as we love ourselves.  To me, loving myself is not burning the candle on both ends in the name of service.  Believe me, I have tried it…not pretty at all!

Final thoughts:

This book definitely made me think and challenged some beliefs that I have held for a long time.  While I do NOT agree with everything it says, I do agree with the premise that societal norms and biblical truth do not always match when it comes to being a Godly wife and mother.

Did you read the book?  Please share your thoughts in the comments!

The gift of serving…

Alone time with the hubby is a special thing.  I had grand plans to unwrap that gift this long weekend, as he had extra time off work and our boys are off in different directions.

However, God had other plans for how we would spend our time together this weekend. 

Rather than a candlelight dinner, we had fast food drive thru on our way to comfort a girl in crisis.

Rather than sleeping in, we spent time at the courthouse getting a protection order for her and her baby.

Rather than a romantic evening of movies and cuddling, we moved things from one place to another and spent late night hours at the sheriff’s office, learning the grim realities about domestic violence and the extent of the law.

Rather than him bringing me breakfast in bed this morning, I went off to a meeting at church and he had to work on our decrepit old vehicles.

Yet, we are smiling and feel closer then ever.

Why? 

 Because God is faithful. 

He has given us little opportunities to steal a kiss or share a knowing glance.  The circumstances of the weekend reminded us where we have come from and how blessed we truly are.  We watched as God used pain from our past(s) to help us relate and connect with a hurting girl. 

We gave our time to God (it is His anyway) and the results have truly become a gift to unwrap.

What gift do you need to unwrap this beautiful Tuesday?  What good things are happening in your life, even in the middle of seemingly hopeless, yucky things?  Look for the good and follow Him!

Holy Housewives Chapter 4

Are you enjoying the perspectives on this book?  I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments!  And, if you like what you read here, please subscribe to receive new posts in your inbox or reader!

Chapter four of Passionate Housewives, Desperate for God is entitled Weary Women.  Lord knows, I have felt weary many times as a wife, mother and Christian woman.  Here are my thoughts on this chapter: 

• The authors first tackle the subject of quiet time.  While I agree with this statement “..to beat ourselves up over our failure to create a worship time that resembles someone else’s isn’t necessary and can sometimes be detrimental”, most of what they said on this topic I disagreed with.  While I do not think it is necessary to be legalistic about “quiet time” (whatever that looks like for you is between you and God).  I was concerned that the authors dismissed the importance of spending time with God EVERY day.  I do remember and can certainly sympathize with mama’s of little ones (the times of 5, 2 and 1 year old boys are still alive and well in my mind, trust me!).  The enemy would love for us to feel so overwhelmed by our day to day routine that we would think it is okay to neglect the most important relationship in our lives- our relationship with Jesus Christ.  Spending time in His Word and humbling ourselves before Him in prayer is a necessity to getting through those times of parenting that leave us exhausted and irritable.  How can your focus be on Him if you aren’t spending time with Him?  One of my favorite verses about this is Psalm 5:3.  Please don’t misunderstand and think that I am saying quiet time can only take place in the morning- I am just pointing to the importance of making time with God a priority in our lives! (Visit one of my new favorite sites, Scripture Dig, for more ideas and resources on this topic)
• I liked the suggestion on page 52 to “copy chapters of Scripture” to have when you have time to sit and read (even if it is in the bathroom, ha!)  I have done this for several years.  I bought a photo album that could fit in my purse at the dollar store and wrote favorite Bible verses on index cards.  I have read those verses in traffic, waiting in line at the grocery store, doctor’s appointments and have even had my children read them aloud when arguing or bickering erupted in the back seat of the car.  I think this is a practical way to keep God’s Word close and on our minds frequently throughout our busy days.

Focus on the Father and He will help you get through those days of diapers and sippy cups, just like He now helps me get through the days of cell phones and curfews.

Be sure to check in with Betty to see her thoughts on this book as well.

Do you struggle to find time with God each day?

Holy Housewives- Week Three

Have you ever been put in your place by God? 

That is what happened to me last week.  It is a humbling experience and not a coincidence that I am reading this book right now!

So, my thoughts on chapter three (with a fresh perspective from working through some trust issues with God):

• One of the questions posed in this chapter is what do you say when someone asks what you do?  Do you feel tempted to say “I’m just a stay at home mom”, etc?  That just word is dangerous.  Raising our kids is a sacred calling.  When I worked outside of the home, I never qualified my position as “just a marketing director”.  So, why do we do that when we have made the decision to make homemaker our full time vocation?  Stasi Eldredge, an author that I love, points out that anytime we say “just” about ourselves, we are diminishing the value of God’s creation.  Let’s not diminish the value of what we do by feeling the need to justify our decision to stay home with our children!
• While I agreed with this chapter, I found the example of the “professional” stay at home mom condescending and judgemental {something I really wish the authors of this book strived to stay away from}. 
• That being said, the authors make valid points.  I was not taught home to keep a home or cook.  When I became a wife at the age of eighteen, my husband had to teach me how to make macaroni and cheese out of a box.  I never have learned to sew and the things I know about housekeeping and parenting I have learned in adulthood. Is that way it should be?  No.
• Now, later on in the chapter, the authors take things too far for me again by suggesting that a church sponsored mother’s day out is, in so many words, insulting to mothers and their babies.  I beg to disagree.  Not all of us as women have made it to the point of being able to handle motherhood on our own when motherhood comes into our lives.  Those times without my children allowed me to recharge and be a better mom when I picked them back up.  I do not think mothers should be guilted into believing that leaving your child in a church nursery is inadequate parenting.
• I also agree with the authors that our families are our PRIMARY ministry as women and moms.  However, I completely disagree that our contribution ends there.  This is a very individual decision based on the call God places on a woman’s heart and her relationship with Him.  Out of the overflow of my relationship with Christ and my desire to tell His story, I accept speaking engagements that take me away from home and devote a certain amount of time each day to writing.  These things are not done at the detriment of my family (if I am in line with the Spirit) and are part of the ministry of my life.  I won’t apologize for or doubt the validity of that call.  It is between me and God (and my husband).

 

As we venture to chapter four, I just encourage you to read this book with a prayerful and open mind.  Also, don’t forget to check out Betty’s thoughts on this week’s reading as well.

Now, on to how God put me in my place.  Have you ever been praying for God to remove the speck from your husband’s eye and instead he points out the telephone pole sticking out of your own? Yeah, that is where I am at this week….

Holy Housewives- Week Two

I am enjoying this book and reading through it with Betty and all the wonderful ladies joining us.  This week we are sharing our thoughts on chapter 2 of Passionate Housewives, Desperate for God entitled You Mean It’s Not All About Me? 

Chapter two made many points that resonated with me, including this statement on page 11:

We, that is, Christians as a whole, spend far more time reading self-help books and listening to motivational speakers than we do reading God’s Word or praying and making our requests known to Him.

I wish I could say this has never been the case for me but I would be lying.  I have frequently become caught up in a book or theory and failed to take it back to the Word to measure it’s validity.  Always, always (including with the book we are currently reading) confirm with God that what you think and read about something are in accordance with His Word and His will. 

The second part of the chapter regarding Desperately Seeking “Me Time” had me a bit irritated.  The author makes the connection that because the Scriptures teach that God supplies all our needs (Philippians 4:19), feeling the need to take care of ourselves as women is unnecessary. 

While I certainly agree that self-love can be taken way to far and become an idol, I fundamentally disagree with the fact that needing a break, getting a pedicure or whatever soothes your soul is selfish or sinful.  This book comes across as legalistic at times and I hope that, because it does have a strong and important message, doesn’t turn anyone off from gleaning the useful parts.

A section in chapter 2 that I agreed with was the Dying to Live section.  On page 21 the sentence “Biblical motherhood means sacrafice, selfless love, and faithful dedication”.  I would even add that Biblical love entails all of those things as well.  And, then I loved this section (even wrote Amen! next to it in my book):

It means loving God more than we love our children- and consequently, He will equip us to truly love them and prepare us to serve them through Christ our Lord.  It means impacting future generations by our faithfulness now.

I don’t know about you but that is convicting to me as a mother.  Children are not always easy to love (trust me, I have teenagers).  The strength and ability to love them is supernatural and comes from Christ.  That is so comforting to me.  I don’t have to be enough, Him through me is enough.  He will equip us to be the best moms we can be and just the right moms for the children He has entrusted us with.

This week be reading Chapter 3- Embracing Your Sacred Calling.  I look forward to sharing my thoughts and hearing yours!

Holy Housewives- Week One

I am excited to dive into this book with you and look at the premise and the message the book, Passionate Housewives Desperate for God, teaches.

It is not a coincidence that while I am reading about being a keeper of the home, I encountered some strong opinions (on both sides of “the camp“), during my blog reading.  There was this video and then this response to it.  I am sure that this debate will continue so I wanted to address something, for the interest of this book club.

*I (and I feel pretty confident that Betty agrees with me on this) do not want us to read this book and feel condemned, particularly if you work outside the home or don’t agree that our calling is to the home.  I don’t completely agree with that premise and you will see what I believe as I talk about our reading assignment.  This topic can bring out some strong emotions- I want to encourage us to discuss these issues in the Spirit and not in the flesh.  I want us to pray through this book, pray through how we feel about what it says and healthy discussion is welcome in the comments and on the forum.  What is not okay is attacking anyone because they believe differently than us.  Let’s be grown-ups (just like the folks I linked to are) about this and agree to disagree if that becomes an issue.*

Now that all of that is off my chest here are my thoughts on our reading assignment for week one (the preface):

• The preface is full of definitions and laying the foundation for what the authors believe.  Of course, the Proverbs 31 woman is mentioned.  I bring up this woman that most of us have a love/hate relationship with often on my radio show and in my writing.  I particularly like this statement in the book “She is known in the community and honors her husband by representing him well while in public, yet her hub of productivity and her primary focus is the place she most loves to be—her home” (preface, xx).  This can be convicting, at least to me, because even though I am a SAHM (WAHM, whatever you want to call it) I can’t always say that my home is the hub of my productivity.  Too often, I am distracted by the computer and that is something I really need to give to God, every day, so that my home is my primary focus! 
• I want us to be cautious as we read the Scriptures that are associated with some of the authors statements.  For example, the quoting of Matthew 24:45 (preface, xxiv) is taken out of context.  I agree that “serving our family is serving the Kingdom” but that is not the context of this verse.

(chapter one):

• I completely agree that our current culture (particularly over the last 50 years) sends erroneous messages to women. That being a stay at home is somehow wasting your potential and all kinds of schools of thought on what the authors refer to as “me-ology”.  However, I felt that the example of Carolyn and Leslie was exaggerated for emphasis of the author’s point.  In addition, there was the insinuation that we shouldn’t view the roles of husband and wife as equal.  I do beg to differ on this point.  While I believe that I am to submit to my husband, that does not mean that we are not equal in the eyes of God.  When you read Ephesians 5 in context, you see that we are all called to submit to each other as brothers and sisters in Christ (verse 21), as Paul talks about the way believers are to live.

I do agree that when we are burnt out and worn out as mothers, wives and keepers of the home, the only One who can fill our cup is Jesus.  We need to walk out this life with Him as our only fuel or we will be tired, frustrated and confused.

What did you discover as you read the assignment this week?  Be sure to stop by the forum for our assignment for next week and visit Betty’s blog to hear her thoughts as well.

Holy Housewives challenge for this week:  Identify the areas in life that you feel tired, discouraged or defeated.  Pray that God will restore you to spiritual health in those areas and together with Him, make a plan to step out of those pits.

Back to submitting

I spent a lot of time broken before God (and my hubby) last night and this morning. 

It is a long story but it boils down to my flesh wanting something (really bad), rationalizing why it would be a great thing for me to do (for my blog, for my ministry, for ME, ME, ME), resenting my husband for not supporting it.

Is going to a blogging conference bad? No!  I am going (with my hubby’s blessing and support) to three more this year. But, EVO was not meant to be for me (even though I won a ticket, won a site redesign and had a partial sponsorship).  And, instead of submitting to my husband’s wishes about this two weeks ago, I dug my heels in.  I was stubborn, determined and wasted so much time and energy pursuing something that in the end was for naught.

You see, God knew (and my husband’s spirit was burdened) that something was going to come up last night with our oldest son, Jason.  Not just anyone can deal with the issues that arise with Jason because of his special needs.  He needs me this weekend.  Mike is going to be away on a father-son campout all weekend with Jared and Matt.

  If I had been on a plane tomorrow and then found out that Jason would need me this weekend- what would I have done then?

My hubby loves me enough not to have said “I told you so” last night as I cried.  Why would I ever doubt my husband’s authority?  Why would I let my stubborn flesh interfere with being present to hear God?  Why would I have been happy to get on a plane to go thousands of miles away from my family when one of them needs me?

No, I am not going to continue to beat myself up.  I know there is no condemnation in Christ.  And, I am still looking forward to going to the other conferences on my schedule, Lord willing.

But, I am going to repent of my clouded judgment and once again, daily, minute by minute, submit to the wisdom of my husband and my God.

Why do you think this is so hard?  Or is it just me?

This post is linked to Wifey Wednesday.  You can also join me each Monday for Holy Housewives, a book club where we read books about biblical womanhood and discuss how we feel and what we learn.

Holy Housewives Book Club

I am excited to kick-off the Holy Housewives book club, co-hosted by Betty from Peace Creek on the Prairie.  Betty and I share a love for Jesus and a desire for women to understand His word and His will.  But, we are also very different.  Betty homeschools, my children attend public school.  She is a much better homemaker than I, being that I can’t sew, I have a black thumb and God laughs when I attempt to cook beyond a recipe.  I feel blessed that we will be able to bring two varied outlooks to this book club and hopefully provide insight to women in all stages of their Christian walk. 

I chose the name Holy Housewives because I love to be reminded of the fact that, through the sacrafice of the body of Jesus Christ, we are made holy (Hebrews 10: 4-10).  We don’t have to strive to be holy, we don’t have to do things a certain way to be holy.  We are holy simply because Jesus is our Redeemer.  Please remember that as we discuss the truths in our first book choice, Passionate Housewives Desperate for God.  The truths we will discover may be convicting but should never be felt as condemning.  Remember the words of Romans 8:1 anytime that you begin to feel condemned. 

Betty has created a forum so that we can get to know each other better through this process and continue discussions that may begin each week as we read the assignments.  Each week, we will post our thoughts on the assignments and host a linky for you to link up your thoughts as well.  I am so excited to learn and grow alongside you.

Week one assignment: Read the preface and chapter one of Passionate Housewives Desperate for God.  If you have a blog, write a post about what you discovered, learned, etc. in the reading.  If you do not have your own blog feel free to leave your thoughts in the comments of my blog or Betty’s.  We will post our thoughts next Monday, June 28th.

Discussions will also take place on twitter using the hashtag #holyhousewives.  Happy reading!

Moving past your past

Since I was pregnant when my {now} husband and I met, you would think that we would both have been comfortable about each other’s sexual past when we got married. 

You would think wrong.

He had a difficult time knowing that I had been promiscuous since a young age and I had a difficult time knowing that he hadn’t. I had a difficult time not experiencing shame and remorse.  He had a difficult time trusting that I wasn’t going to be unfaithful.

We had a difficult time.

Thankfully, Jesus entered the picture and our marriage less than a year after our vows.  Verses like Romans 8:1 patched up broken places in my heart with the life giving cement of forgiveness.  The entire book of Hosea helped my hubby realize that God planned for Mike to play a role in His pursuit of my heart.  God knew it would take a strong, loyal and patient man like my husband for me to ever be able to make love. 

As we discovered God’s design for marriage, we also discovered how the enemy seeks to insert evil {sexual abuse, pre-marital sex, pornography, etc} into a holy picture.

We discovered that God’s love and our love for each other really does cover a multitude of sins {I Peter4:8}.

We discovered that God doesn’t waste hurt and pain and while He remembers our sins no more, He allows us to remember the experience so that we can share our testimony with others.  To bring Him glory and to comfort each other {II Corinthians 1:3-7}- what a beautiful way to turn ashes into beauty {Isaiah 61:3}.

We discovered that sex, within marriage, can be a beautiful thing.  Once I allowed God to bind up my wounds and Mike allowed God to soothe his fears {Isaiah 61:1}, we were free to experience the sacredness of our most intimate times.

And freedom is what God wants for all of us {Galatians 5:1}.  That is why I can tell my children, with no reservations, that waiting for marriage is the right, the good, the God thing to do.  It is also why I can tell the teen moms that I work with that purity can start again, that just because you give something sacred away doesn’t mean it cannot be redeemed. 

Christ came to set us free…and I am free indeed.

This post is linked to Wifey Wednesdays and Walk with Him Wednesday.

Trust and Obey

 

There has been a lot of buzz around the blogosphere regarding this challenge for married women.

I grew up influenced by my very liberal grandmother.  She has a PhD in political science and has experienced a great deal of success and advancement in her career.  I love and respect her for that.  And I was led astray by many of the things she taught me.

I myself am a college educated, consider myself semi intelligent, human being. 

And yet I believe that I should *gasp* submit to my husband’s authority.

I had to learn God’s intention for this word, this concept.  I had to learn why it is important enough to be in His word.  I had to learn that God doesn’t want anything but the best for His children and His design for marriage is perfect.

I submit to my husband’s authority in our marriage. Me (Miss Opinionated, headstrong, Type A personality, slight tendency to be controlling) Me.  If I can wrap my brain and heart around this, you can too!

 It hasn’t always been that way for us but things have been so much better and sweeter between us since we both started living our marriage by God’s design.

I want to take the time to type some verses in their entire context:

Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.  For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which He is the Savior.  Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.  In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies.  He who loves his wife loves himself.  After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church–for we are members of his body.  For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.  This is a profound mystery–but I am talking about Christ and the church.  However, each one of you must love his wife as he loves himself and the wife must respect her husband.  Ephesians 5:22-33  (emphasis mine)

What is sooo scary about having your husband love you, as much as Christ loves the church, and you respecting your husband? 

I love, respect, submit, trust and obey my husband.  And to me that is a finer thing.

Excuse me, I have a challenge to join!

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