The imperfections of a man, his frailties, his faults, are just as important as his virtues.  You can’t separate them.  They’re wedded.  ~Henry Miller

I remember well the days that perfectionism consumed my life.

I suppose I came by the desire quite naturally.  A father who demanded more than the best.  Raised by grandparents whose accomplishments lined the walls.  Perpetuating the “family hedge”…that no matter what was truly going on, we put our “best face” forward to the world.

Every mistake I made was punctuated by the fact that I was, yet again, incapable of grasping the elusive perfection that seemed to come so easily for others.

I carried this knee buckling burden into adulthood for many years.  Perfectionism twisted itself into a suffocating need for control at all costs.

The monster of perfectionism almost ruined my marriage.  Almost ruined my family.  Almost ruined my life.

But, God. {my two favorite words of all time}.

He set me free from the need to please, the need to wear masks and the need to have everything just right.

Don’t get me wrong..it was a process that began four years ago and we {God and I} still work on it daily.  I am a recovering-Type-A-perfectionist-control-freak.

Perfectionism is a monster.  It is authored and touted by the father of lies, the devil.

You may see a perfectly coiffed mom, with perfectly behaved children in adorable matching outfits with a perfect marriage and perfect house and perfect vacations.

That is what you would have seen on the outside, looking in to my life for many years.

On the inside, life festered with open wounds that threatened to infect everything.  Secrets ate away at the foundation of our family and faith, like termites feasting on wood.  It was not until I surrendered the desire for perfection and the need to control to the only One that can handle those inside wounds, that life actually let our family breathe.

Anytime I am tempted to retreat to those old, comfortable patterns of dysfunctional behavior, I mutter the word “monster” to myself and heavenward.  God knows what I mean and He and I battle that monster together.

A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of. ~ Luke 6:45

Happy October, friends!  I am excited to begin this month long series with the topic of creating a clean heart.  God laid this topic on my heart during a late night prayer session and has been giving me insights and Scriptures ever since. 

Why is this topic important? God is concerned with the condition of our heart! Our heart is the dwelling place of the Holy Spirit.  Let’s look at Luke 5: 17-26.  When a paralytic man is brought to Jesus for healing, his external circumstances are not what Jesus addresses first.  Verse 20 tells us that “when Jesus saw their faith, he said, “Friend, your sins are forgiven”.  Jesus looked past the external and straight to the core of this man’s life: the condition of his heart.  I want to take my cue from Jesus and start at the heart of the issue {pun intended}.

Things we will talk about during this series:

• Obstacles to a clean heart {unforgiveness, hidden sin, human nature and more}
• Reasons for desiring a clean heart
• How to clear the clutter in our hearts
• What life with a clean heart looks like

Ladies, I have to confess that sometimes I am tempted to put on a happy face and pretend that everything is okay in my life and in my heart.  And, the truth is I may be able to fool you but I can’t fool God.

The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart. ~ I Samuel 16:7

If God is looking at my heart, straight through my pretense and pretending, than shouldn’t I be seeking to have the cleanest, purest heart possible?

Jesus wants disciples {that would be us, friends!} that are sold-out for Him and whole-heartedly devoted to Him.  I want to go on a cleaning spree in my heart for the next 31 days.  Will you join me?

Father God, I desire nothing more than a clean heart before You.  A heart that shuns those things that distract or detract from my relationship with You.  A heart that yearns to know You more, know You intimately, know You better than I did yesterday and more tomorrow than I do today.  Please help us be open to what You want us to learn from this 31 days of focusing on this goal.  We know that You will honor our intent and our desire to be closer to You and to rid our lives of anything that contaminates our hearts.  In Your Precious Son’s name we pray, Amen.

For more 31 Days to….posts please visit The Nesting Place.

Image by Noel C. Hankamer via Flickr

Crisp, cool air.

Leaves on the trees hint brilliance and the stroke of the Artist’s hand.

Flavors and aromas, cinnamon and pumpkin, entice my soul.

Fall is my favorite time of year.

There is something about the air, the scenery, the smell and taste of autumn that propels me forward from the dog days of summer to whatever God has in store next.

This spring and summer have been particularly challenging.  I have lost my focus and sense of direction.  God has been stirring my heart towards clarity and I have been fighting it.  Because sometimes clarity brings change.  Change often means letting things go or {heaven forbid} saying no to good things to make room for God’s best.

Walking in faith is an ever changing journey.  With seasons, much like autumn and spring, winter and summer, God takes us through paths of refreshment, desolate times and seasons of rebirth in order to grow us in relationship with Himself.

I feel a change brewing, simmering like hot apple cider on the stove.  As I ask God to increase my desire for Him and decrease my desire for other things, I teeter between excitement and tentative fear of the unknown.  Surrendering access to places and strongholds I wasn’t even aware I had {until recently} makes my deep seated need for control rear its ugly {and evil} head.

Isn’t it peculiar how I can think I have completely given an area to God until He reveals that secret door I had swallowed the key to and forgotten about?

As I look forward to my favorite season I also look forward to the work He is doing in my heart, with anticipation {of the good and bad variety}.

“let us draw near to God with a sincere heart and with the full assurance that faith brings, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water.  Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.” ~Hebrews 10: 21-23

He, in His perfect timing, perfect grace, perfect will, already knows what lies ahead.  So, I hold to the hope I profess as He prunes and grows my heart.

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“but no man can tame the tongue.  It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison”. James 3:8

Sarah Mae wrote a post several months ago that featured a story from the movie, Doubt.  I can think of no better way to address the topic of gossip and slander than to send you to read that post.

Over a year ago, a friend of mine gave several of us in a ladies Bible study a challenge about the fresh water/salt water spoken of in James 3.  We talked about our words to our spouses and our children and whether or not we were speaking fresh water words or salt water words into their lives.  To help us keep this in mind, she gave us all a handful of paper clips and a handful of gems {like you would see on costume jewelry}.

The challenge was for us to begin our day with the jewels and paper clips in one pocket and as the day went by to slip a jewel {for fresh water words} or a paper clip {for salt water words} into the opposite pocket.  This served as a tangible reminder each day to be mindful of the tone of voice I used and the words I chose to speak.

It was a very convicting exercise.  I remember the first week after we started the challenge, we all came to Bible study joking confessing that we could make a necklace out of our paper clips from the week, not the jewels.

When I read this chapter of James, the memory of that exercise came to me.

“For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of”.  Matthew 12: 34b

I went and got out my bag of paper clips and jewels.  I need a refresher course.

This post is linked to the James read-along, hosted by Marla Taviano.

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Today’s culture and society has lost sight of the seriousness of the covenant of marriage and the role of sex. Sex is symbolic of a covenant between a married man and his wife. A covenant that we will be held accountable to one day.
In a culture where sex is viewed casually and more than half of marriages end in divorce, we as moms need to teach our boys about covenant….

You can read the rest of this post at The M.O.B Society, where I write the monthly column, Tackling “the talk”.

We aren’t called to defend ourselves–we are called to defend our God and His Word. That’s why Jesus overturned the money changers tables. He was protecting God’s house. He never acted that way to defend himself, in fact they said all kinds of terrible things about him based on their lack of understanding and pure hatred, but He let it go.  ~Time-Warp Wife

I needed to read those words today.

I want to be immune to hurtful words.  I want to be immune to hurt feelings.   I want to be understood.  I want to be acknowledged.  I want us all to get along.

None of those “wants” is promised us in the Bible.  God is rather frank about the fact that in this world those “wants” will not be achieved.

Today, I am reminded that God is in charge of justice.  God is in charge of deliverance.  God is in charge.

Hear me, you who know what is right, you people who have my law in your hearts: Do not fear the reproach of men or be terrified by their insults.  For the moth will eat them up like a garment, the worm will devour them like wool.  But my righteousness will last forever, my salvation through all generations. ~Isaiah 51:7-8

]]> http://www.multitaskingmama.com/2011/02/sticks-stones/feed/ 2 http://www.multitaskingmama.com/2010/11/dirty-jesus/ http://www.multitaskingmama.com/2010/11/dirty-jesus/#comments Tue, 09 Nov 2010 18:27:10 +0000 MELISSA, MULTI-TASKING MAMA http://www.multitaskingmama.com/?p=1343 I am a girly girl.

I am quite certain that is why God made me the mama of three active boys {proof of God’s sense of humor}.

I don’t “do” certain things: dirt, bugs, scary movies..did I mention dirt?

My hubby and boys laugh at the amount of luggage I take on a camping trip.  And, most people that know me have heard me say how grateful I am that I was born where I was, when I was.

Suffice it to say I would not have done well in the frontier days.

Suffice it to say that God is s-t-r-e-t-c-h-i-n-g me in ministry lately.

I have visited places that literally make my skin crawl {and have made me physically ill}.

The amazing thing is that God gives me this peace that surrounds me when I am in a “dirty” situation and I don’t think about it until I leave {and bathe myself in hand sanitizer}.

My husband struggles with some of the places I go and situations I encounter in my work with teen moms.  I am not always in the safest neighborhoods, the healthiest environments {for someone with my compromised immune system, in particular} and sometimes I am just downright in-over-my head.

But, God.

Isn’t God good?  Yes, He is good.  He is good even when he calls you and me to places that are dirty and disease ridden…He is good because he has met us at our deepest need and now uses us to show his glory and to advance his gospel among the places of greatest need in the world. ~Radical, pg 164

This chapter of Radical (chapter eight) was another reminder that we, as Christians, have settled for comfort over calling.  For luxury over living water.  For our savings account over salvation for the lost.

I have to admit that my perspective on all of this has changed since my wake-up call.  I was very comfortable in my American dream life and my complacent Christian walk.  But, I’m not any more.  And, this chapter reiterated that in my mind and in my heart.

I am not afraid of death. None of us should be.  It is the moment I will be ushered into the best days of my life. As the book echoed the words of Paul so do I “To live is Christ and to die is gain”.

Praise God this world is not my final destination, just the road to Heaven.  I know how the Story ends and I want to live each day here in such a way that others find that road too. Lord, give me focus and strength.  Help me live that type of life for You, every.single.day! Amen.

When we risk our lives to run after Christ, we discover the safety that is found only in his sovereignty, the security that is found only in his love, and the satisfaction that is found only in his presence.  This is the eternally great reward, and we would be foolish to settle for anything else. ~Radical, pg 181

This post is part of the Radical read along, hosted on Marla’s blog.

I truly do.

The kind of friends that hold you accountable, remind you of your dreams and burst your bubble when appropriate.

The kind of friends that drop everything to sit with you in the ER until your hubby can arrive.

The kind of friends that come alongside you in your various ministry callings to cheer, support and assist.

The kind of friends that correct your children before you get the chance {it really does take a village}.

The kind of friends that can have a debate, disagreement or differing opinion and be totally okay with it.

The kind of friends that laugh with you, cry with you, or can just be silent in the moment and pray for you.

The kind of friends that challenge me to be a better person, a better wife, a better mother, a better Christ follower and a better friend.

We meet with these friends, from house to house, on Sunday evenings.  We enjoy a meal, fellowship and Bible study while our kids play flashlight tag or see who can get dirtiest rolling down the hill {regardless of the fact that they are still wearing their church clothes}. 

We keep it real with each other.

Those are the kinds of friends I have and I am so thankful for them.

I am also thanking God for:

11. downtown parades with marching band music during the perfect crisp autumn day

12. walking through Wal-Mart hand in hand with my love

13. Zofran {an absolutely magic drug that made my violent vomiting stop immediately}

14.  that I did NOT hit my head when I passed out, just bruised my leg and my pride

15.  that I did NOT have to stay at the hospital after observation and could come home and sleep in my own bed

16. the baby swing that Sweet Pea loves and that provides us all some hands free time

17. singing special music with Suzanne and Kelly

18. a church that values authentic community

19. cranking up the music in the van and singing, dancing and laughing with my teenagers

20. FINALLY capturing a Sweet Pea smile on camera

What are you thankful for today?

A book that shattered our facade of comfort. 

We had been comfortable in our little corner of the world.    

We had allowed ourselves to become insulated to the pain and poverty that exists in our backyard and abroad.

Once we read the book and found our way back into the portions of God’s Word that we had avoided and misinterpreted, our hearts and lives were forever changed. 

We are on a journey.  As a family.  As individuals.  As believers in Christ.

I don’t know where this journey will take us, during our time here on earth, our time in Falling Waters, WV or wherever else God may take us, but I know the final destination and my hope is to bring as many with me as I can.

A blog that I read regularly is hosting a Radical read along.  If you have not read this incredible book by David Platt, I encourage you to buy it and read it.  Pray that the eyes of your heart will be opened to our true purpose and responsiblity to proclaim the gospel to everyone, everywhere.

This post is linked to Chatting at the Sky for Tuesdays Unwrapped.

This post by Sarah Mae {and the ensuing discussion in the comments} really got me thinking {as most of her posts do} about something that had already been on my mind.  A few weeks ago, during Teen/Tween Thursday I wrote about parental responsibility in our children’s spiritual development. 

Our role as parents in our children’s spiritual and character development has been heavy on my heart for several months.  Recognizing the sense of entitlement that this generation feels scares me.  Reading books like Radical has exposed the yucky truth to me that I have contributed to that sense of entitlement in my own household.  My husband and I have been in prayer about ways to combat this in our home and in our family life.  We have come up with some life changing decisions:

• One way is that we will be homeschooling our kids this year.  {you have NO idea what a huge thing that is for me to do!  It is God and God alone- for sure!}  I am in no way condemning those that choose other educational options- we prayerfully chose public school for many years.
• Also, we want our kids to attend church services with us {they will still go to their youth group.  We are fortunate to have three services to choose from on Sunday mornings}.  They are old enough chronologically and spiritually to learn from our Pastor’s wisdom and dig deeper into God’s word.
• We are actively seeking more mission opportunities for our children and our family, and not just in our local area.  Isaiah 58 is my life chapter and my heart’s desire is that my children will hunger to spend themselves for God.

All that being said, I love the youth group at our church and work side by side with them on many projects.  My kids will continue to attend.  I think it is also vital to have youth ministries to reach unsaved young people.  My boys invite their friends to youth group and I want them to continue to do so!  I work with pregnant and parenting teen girls and invite them to many of our youth group functions.  I think the youth ministry serves an important purpose but do agree that it should never be the substitute for the active parental involvement of Christian parents.

I would love to hear your thoughts on this issue and encourage you to watch the Segregation video and read through the comments on the post I referred to.

And, as always, please link up any post related to parenting teens/tweens below!