Knitted together by God.

• Shayla became ours when she was 18 and blessed us with the gift of having Sweet Pea in our lives {she is a rowdy and adorable 15 month old right now}
• Jason was Mike’s son from his first marriage but because of abuse and neglect came to live with us in 1999 when he was six years old and I adopted him in 2000.
• I was pregnant with Jared when Mike and I met.  He was in the delivery room when Jared was born and legally adopted him.
• Matt was unplanned {never take birth control and antibiotics at the same time} and is the only one that has both my and Mike’s blood running through his veins {which we frequently use as the excuse for his stubborn personality}

I tell you all of this because I truly believe what the Bible says in Psalm 68:6, God sets the lonely in families.  God designed each one of these unique and amazing kids to be mine.

Through the years, our family has had the privilege of opening our home to those in need.  Right now, one of my dear friends and her daughter are staying with us as they get back on their feet.

And, I need to brag on my boys.

Matt playing with a straw

Shayla is away at school and Jason is away at basic training.

Jared {15} and Matt {14} are  home {along with Sweet Pea}.

To be honest, I am usually the mom that notices the irritating things, the wrong choices, the negative.  I have been praying for God to open my eyes to see my boys in a different light as we navigate these teen years.

Jared and I at a concert {with Shayla being silly in background}

Having our friends here has done just that.  My boys are patient.  They have big hearts.  They are generous, caring and loving.  They put others needs before their own.  They don’t judge.  They share and give and love.  They show genuine concern.

Jared was worried because I had to take him to school early on the first day that our friend’s daughter was going to ride the bus.  He felt bad because he wouldn’t be there to help her.

And, I realized that God was answering my prayer.

I have good boys, growing up to be good men.

I am thankful for both of them and they make me proud.

My two oldest sons did something not so smart over the weekend.

I was disappointed in their behavior.  I was angry at their deception and I was livid that they included a visiting friend in their shenanigans.

Thankfully, I refrained from yelling and screaming like my flesh wanted to.  After making sure everyone was safe, I called the mom of the visiting friend and sent him home with Miss S. as the driver and I sent the other two off to bed.

I laid in bed {I let the hubby sleep through this because he gets up at 3:30am to drive 1 1/2 hours to work} getting angrier and angrier. Then, I turned to my Father and said, Lord, what do you do with these kids and their mistakes?

I had to get out my journal and write down the thoughts He gave me.

• You love them.  Never in our angriest moment should our children doubt that we love them, no matter what mistake they make. I Peter 4:8 tells us to “love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins“.
• You extend grace to them.  Memories of mistakes I made at 15 {much bigger than this mistake!} ran through my mind.  My boys know what they did was wrong.  They are aware of the consequences. They know I am entitled to hold it over their head for awhile, but what good does that really do?  Grace isn’t something you earn, it is a gift.  And, what better way to learn of this gift than from your parents?  “And if by grace, then it cannot be based on works; if it were, grace would no longer be grace”. ~ Romans 11:6
• You correct them.  Mistakes do have consequences and my boys will be facing those over the next two weeks.  As a matter of fact, I didn’t even have to ask for them to relinquish certain privileges.  Jared brought me his cell phone.  They knew what they were risking when they made the choice they made.  “Those who disregard discipline despise themselves, but the one that heeds correction gains understanding”. ~ Proverbs 15:32
• You move on with them.  We aren’t going to get stuck at the site of a mistake.  We will take the lessons learned and move on.  My kids are good kids with a sin nature, just like their dad and I.  If we focus only on the mistakes, rather than the lessons and the living, than we are missing the point.“For in Him we live and move and have our being”. ~ Acts 17:28a

I am prepared for them to make more mistakes.  Mistakes are the stepping stones of character building. I am just thankful that God reminded me of all of this before the hubby and I sat down with the kids…or much more of my flesh would have shown up!

How do you handle disobedience?

Sibling rivalry did not used to be a big issue in our house…I probably should have expected it to be since two of my three boys are 15 months apart.  But, since hitting the double digits and moving into the teen/tween years, there seems to be a constant sense of competition between my kids, particularly the two younger ones.

Things quickly escalate around here and twice this week I have had to physically pry them apart.

My hubby tries to make me feel better by reassuring me that he and his brothers “beat the snot” out of each other and have managed to have a healthy relationship with each other in adulthood.

That does not make my mama heart feel any better. I am frustrated with the way the boys talk to and about each other.  The one thing that brings me some comfort is that they don’t allow others to treat their siblings poorly {they just reserve that right for themselves}.

We have discussed anger from a biblical perspective and many other things but nothing seems to be working.  As my kids get older (they are 19, 18, 14 and 13) I find it more difficult to motivate them with consequences than when they were smaller.

When they were little and tensions got high, I used to have them sing “You are my sunshine” to each other until all of us were laughing and giggling.  That does NOT work anymore.

Do you have any sibling rivalry challenges?  How do you handle them?

Do you have a parenting post to link-up?  Join in below:

“Good” reasons to maintain my unforgiving heart. I had been let down, hurt, abused, disappointed, neglected, abandoned and wounded by this person.  This person that was supposed to protect me from all those things.

My dad.

My dad and nephew at Thanksgiving 2010

For thirteen {count them, thirteen!} years, I let the coals of that burnt bridge remain red hot with the seething anger and grief.  I fed the flames by recounting the wrongs and justifying my disdain.

I was also afraid.  If I forgave him, did that mean I had to work towards a restored relationship?  If I wanted to rebuild a relationship, there would be people that would not be supportive.  He had hurt more than just me.

10/14/08: The experience of almost dying has removed most fear from my life and left in it’s place a desire for peace, calm and restoration. ~An excerpt from my prayer journal

Around that same time in my life, Isaiah 58 became a sacred echo in my life.  I would read it in a devotion book, found myself drawn back to it’s words in my quiet time and even went to my Pastor to gain a deeper understanding of the words.

Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of injustice
and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free
and break every yoke?  Is it not to share your food with the hungry
and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter— when you see the naked, to clothe them,
and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood? Isaiah 58: 6-7

The words pierced my calloused heart.  My father had reached out to me over the years with a desire to apologize.  My brothers vouched for the fact that he was a changed man.  But, for thirteen years I turned away from him, from them and turned to my hurt and my pain.

That October I began allowing God access to those broken places.  He bound up my wounds and healed my soul in ways that only our Heavenly Father can.

It was a painful, grueling process but well worth the work.  On the other side of letting God heal my heart and forgiving my dad I found peace and healing I never thought possible.

Just as Isaiah 58 promises:

Then your light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear;
then your righteousness will go before you, and the glory of the LORD will be your rear guard.
Then you will call, and the LORD will answer; you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I. Isaiah 58:8-9

After months of intensive healing with Jesus, I had a desire to tell my dad I had forgiven him.  I flew to Florida to stay with my brother.  I wrote a letter and left it up to God if I would deliver it while I was there.  I prayed during the entire flight and by the time my brother picked me up at the airport, I asked if we could go straight to my dad’s {after coffee, of course}.

Tears well up in my eyes as I even type this.  February 2009 marked the beginning of a beautiful restorative process that God deserves all the credit for.

I gave my dad that letter and he gave me what I needed…a sincere apology and space.

Over the last two years, we have tentatively rebuilt the bridge between him and I.  My children know their grandfather.  I have an adorable little brother that I had never met (he just turned four in August).  And, I have my dad back.

Thankfully, God brought a wonderful Christian woman into his life more than 10 years ago.  I love her, I love my dad and I love the peace that comes from forgiveness and restoration of relationships.

It was not an easy or pleasant journey.  Rather, the work to rebuild the charred bridge was painful, heavy and sad.

But, oh so worth it!

]]> http://www.multitaskingmama.com/2011/02/flesh-blood-tears/feed/ 8 http://www.multitaskingmama.com/2010/09/sibling-rivalry/ http://www.multitaskingmama.com/2010/09/sibling-rivalry/#comments Thu, 09 Sep 2010 17:51:24 +0000 MELISSA, MULTI-TASKING MAMA http://www.multitaskingmama.com/?p=1230

We all know that kids fight, particularly brothers and sisters.  Although, I don’t remember fighting with my siblings {when we were fortunate enough to live together} near as much as my boys argue {and nit pick and antagonize, etc}.  Is it just me or has sibling rivalry gotten worse over the years?

As always, please link up your posts about parenting teens/tweens below:

We have grown a combined 3+ inches in the 6 wks since this picture was taken.

Summer is a time for epic growth spurts {apparently}.

Jared has grown an inch and a half and put on a few pounds {of all muscle, he wants you to know}.

Matt has grown 3/4 inch and hasn’t put on a single pound despite eating us all under the table EVERY day!

I look up to Jason, literally.  He is up to Mike’s chin, meaning he has to be a good 5′ 8″ {at least}.

Y’all know what this means, right?

Shopping. 

With boys.

Shopping with boys who all wear different sizes, styles and only one of whom enjoys the actual task of shopping.

Umm, hmm…fun times are ahead this weekend.  Fun times, indeed.

Pray for me, will ya?

If you would like to go shopping, you can do so right here at my MultiTasking Mama shop {I’ve done all the work of finding the perfect products for you}

Who would have thought that a rickety roller coaster and a sweltering day at a cheesy quaint amusement park could bridge huge holes of the heart?

God.

Who would have thought that the day would be full of smiles and fun, rather than anxiety and angst?

God.

Who would have thought that racing go-karts together (see daddy way there in the back, ha!) would be freeing in so many ways?

God.

Who knew that this mama’s heart would behold {all} her children reunited on this side of heaven?

God.

Saturday was a very special day for our family.  It was the first time we had all been together, the five of us, in the same place at the same time in THREE years!

God gave me a gift that I had given up on a long time ago. 

And I have been unwrapping it ever since!

{If you haven’t been here long and this post confuses you, you can read some of the back story here and here.}

I have three brothers.

My husband has two brothers.

My brothers each have a son.

I have three boys.

I am swimming in a world of testosterone.  And, to be honest, I think God sits up in heaven and chuckles at me.

You see, I am a girly girl.  I have always liked dresses, shoes, manicures and pink and purple are my favorite colors. 

I loathe getting my hands dirty.  I don’t understand the hilarity of flatulence.  I cannot relate to the desire to wrestle on the floor until somone yells “uncle”.

Yet, God has surrounded me by boys.  And, now they are adolescent boys.  Whole.different.ballgame. people!

So, I have agreed to write about my expertise experiences in raising three rowdy boys for the new site- the M.O.B Society.  There are over 20 contributing writers to the site and I can’t wait to see what they all have to say about the day in and day out challenges of raising the male variety of offspring.  The site officially launches June 1st and I for one can’t wait.  I will be writing a series about S.E.X and also a column about raising older boys. 

So, if you are a mama of boys, you will want to check out this incredible site. You will also be able to learn more about M.O.B  during a special Twitter party, May 31 from 9:30-10:30pm.  Use the hashtag #mobsociety to join in the fun.

 Kudos to my friends, Brooke and Erin, for working so hard to bring this new site to fruition.

I am unwrapping the gift of parenting boys today at Chatting at the Sky.

As our children get older, it is important to place decision making in their hands more and more.  Where better for them to make mistakes or missteps then under the umbrella of our authority and guidance?

While it is easier said than done for this mama to relinquish control (hello?  I am a recovering Type A) it is imperative for their growth so I am committed to doing so.  An opportunity to do so presented itself this week and it developed into a great learning opportunity for both of my boys.

Picture two teen/tween boys standing at the Blockbuster Express kiosk, being allowed to rent any movie they want on their day off school.  They chose a movie that was, to me, going to have questionable content.  They even gave me those sideways glances to make sure I was aware that they were renting *that* movie.  I said a silent prayer and swiped my debit card.

After popcorn was popped and the movie was on for about ten minutes, Jared fast forwarded (I have no idea if that is a word) through an inappropriate scene.  Matt got mad and said “why are you skipping stuff?”.  Jared responded, “I can’t watch that with mom sitting next to us”.

Inwardly I was grinning but I said not a word (do you know how hard that was?).  Matt nodded in understanding and they went on with the movie.  Within three minutes, Jared said “Matt, I don’t think we made a good choice with this movie.  Do you want to go play basketball?”  AND THEY TURNED IT OFF AND ASKED ME TO RETURN IT.  Later that day, they told their dad about it (they genuinely felt remorse) and offered to pay for the rental since “mom wasted her money”.

Can I just tell you my heart soared?  Was it soaring when they chose that movie?  Heck no.  I was thinking “why did I choose today to let them pick any movie?  I knew this wasn’t a good idea”.  But, I trusted the prompting of the Spirit and let them choose their way.

Now, do I think that every time they have the opportunity to  make a choice they are going to make a good one?  No.  I don’t have stupid stamped on my forehead.  But, I do feel much more comfortable in this parenting approach.

Later that night, during our family time, I read the boys Philippians 4:8.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things. 

 I told them that with their decision to turn the movie off and go do something else they had put that verse into practice.  And that is what God’s Word is all about- guiding us through decision making in life with God’s will not ours.

If you have a post about teens/tweens please feel free to link up with us.  You are not alone on this parenting journey!

Have you ever wondered how you can give birth to two humans (only 16 months apart from each other) and they can be so completely different? Jared is going out for the basketball team and has played some type of organized sport since he was in kindergarten. Matt just joined the chess club and for the first Halloween in five years, he is going to be something other than Darth Vader (he is going to be Yoda).

Jared is an overachiever. He is upset if he gets a grade below an “A” (I have no idea where he inherited the perfectionist gene from LOL). Matt could care less about his grades. He puts his efforts into the subjects that interest him and doesn’t see the point in effort in the subjects that bore him. Jared has a plan (NBA player) for his future. At his mother’s insistence (I don’t think the boy is going to even make 6 ft. tall), he also has a back-up plan (being a lawyer). Matt changes his plans for the future like he changes his underwear (once a week LOL). Whatever he fancies at the moment is what he thinks he will do for the rest of his life.

They are so different yet they are brothers and friends. They can spend hours outside, working on their treehouse fort, hiking in the woods, riding their bikes. Matt will humor Jared and play basketball in exchange for Jared playing video games with him. They look out for each other at school. In fact, Matt stood up for Jared this weekend and ending up getting punched. (yes, little brother stepping in for big brother- how sweet

When I look at them, it is so incredible to think that God created their inmost being and knit them together in my womb (Psalm 139:13). They are created specifically for the purposes He has in mind for them. They are wonderfully designed for what lays ahead. Even though I carried them in my womb (and I want extra points for all the bedrest, incompetent cervix issues, magnesium sulfate, etc, etc, etc.) God designed them. That is why they come from me but are so different.

The next time I am frustrated with the sarcasm that comes with being twelve, the inexplicable avoidance of all things hygiene related, the bickering of sibling rivalry, the offense taken at suggesting they do not know everything quite yet- I will stop and remember that they were lovingly created by my God with a purpose and design in mind. It is my job (and hubby’s) to nurture, develop and appreciate that about them. Different, yet special. Different, yet family. Different, yet friends.