Happy Birthday, Jared

You are confident.

You are social.

You are proud.

You are moody.

You are intelligent.

You are funny.

You are generous.

You are friendly.

You are industrious.

You are passionate.

You are….

a lot like your mama.

Which is why we bump heads and disagree and say we are sorry and move on until the next time that we bump heads and disagree…

Happy Birthday, my first born (of my womb) son. You are growing up so fast and in many ways I have grown up with you.  Thank you for being patient with me. 

Time is going by way too fast.  It seems like yesterday, I was just a scared seventeen year old waiting to meet her destiny.  All 5lbs 6 oz of him.  And now, you are almost as tall as me, tan and strong, golden skin and pesto colored eyes.  You challenge your dad and I everyday- particularly with this adolescent stuff- but we couldn’t love you more!

I can’t wait to see all the things God has in store for your life.  Your willingness to be used by Him and for Him is inspiring and remarkable.  You were made to be a blessing and you fulfill that purpose every day.

Thank you for being you.

He’s My Son

Chubby little fingers find their way into my hand.

His (almost) three year old little self pulls me energetically towards the kittens down the hall… “Tome on mommy, let’s go look at the kitties” (except he said his hard c’s and k’s like t’s so you can imagine how comical that was).  The fact that he is calling me mommy just a few days after we met is not lost on me and I feel the weight of what that could mean with each step down the hall.

He’s my son.

(Almost) three years later we sit in the back of the car together.  He again slides his hand into mine as we drive away from his old life and toward a new life in our home.  He is stoic, already jaded by his experiences and the disappointments life can present.  He doesn’t cry. He doesn’t ask why.  He just holds my hand and doesn’t look back.

He’s my son.

(almost) Three years later he struggles to integrate into a “normal” family.  Life is full of extremes.  One minute enjoying the warmth of his mama’s lap while she reads Captain Underpants, the next striking out in anger because he didn’t like the way his eggs were cooked.  One day winning the county art award for his drawing of outer space, aptly entitled “I’d Rather Be Dreaming”, the next hiding under his bed and screaming like a caged animal at the thought of going to school.  One day having a sleep over birthday party with his friends and eating ice cream cake that turned his teeth black, the next being admitted to the psychiatric hospital (again) for being unable to control his anger and hurting his brothers and I. The adoption becomes final and it’s official…

He’s my son.

(almost) three years later and he lives in a “therapeutic” setting.  His behavior controlled for the most part, after years of therapy and learning the skills he didn’t learn at those critical years between 1 and 5.  One day he tries to do his best, the next he feels hopeless and wonders why he should bother.  He wishes he could come home, so do I.  He grows tall and handsome like his daddy.  He just may be okay.

He’s my son.

“Come on, mom.  I want to show you something”.  Now taller than me, he still longs to please me.  He opens a book, full of drawings of wild cats.  “I think I know what I want to do when I get out of here” (otherwise known as graduate).  He has hopes, he has dreams.  He has potential.  And, despite all that has transpired in the last 14 years…

He’s my son.

And I love him.  I’m proud of him. If I could take away his struggles I would.  If I could bear his burden myself I would.  If I could change what happened to him and what he did to us I would.  Gladly.  Happily.  Knowing that my boy would be okay.

He is seventeen today.  Almost a full grown man.  And still…you guessed it, my son.  This video says it better than I ever could.  And, is perfect for Holy Week.  Thinking of what another mother must have been feeling two thousand years ago.

Happy Birthday, Jason!  I love you!

Birthdays with the family

Join in the fun at Momdot and The Not so Blog, Blog.

One of today’s questions is
What was the best part of a past birthday that you shared with your kids?

Well, last night my hubby and boys took me out for an early birthday dinner (Jared has a basketball game tomorrow night and we have church on Wednesdays). TMI? Sorry LOL. Anywhoo, we had a blast!

I enjoyed my kids when they were little and there are times I miss those days so bad it hurts. But, times like last night remind me of what smart, clever, witty, sweet young men they are turning into. Their company was enjoyable and they had me laughing till I peed myself (literally) Thank goodness, by that time we were in the car. Then they looked at me like I was crazy, which just made me laugh harder.

They ordered off the adult menu (steaks) and ate everything on their plates! The days of kids meals in our house are gone. Jared shared a dessert with me and Matt shared one with Mike. They sang Happy Birthday to me at the top of their lungs in the middle of a restuarant (I think the happy clappy waitresses would have garnered less attention to our table).

So, as far as spending birthdays with my guys, this one has been pretty good so far. And, thanks fellas, for making your mama feel loved (and old).

My Kiddo’s first birthdays

Stop by Momdot and The Not so Blog, Blog for more fun and chances to win great prizes!

I am still playing along for my birthday week and today we are invited to tell the story of our children’s first birthdays.
~As I adopted Jason I wasn’t there for his first birthday but his first birthday with us was his 6th birthday. It corresponded with the time that he arrived in our home and Easter so it was a big, family filled adventure. The cutest pic I have (which didn’t scan well or I would’ve shared) of that party is the three boys in the red wagon Jason got as a gift from his parents. They were all small enough to fit in their together. I love that photo.

~I was a young mama (got pregnant with Jared at 16, had him when I was 17) and it probably took the entire first year of his life for me to feel comfortable around him. He was born five weeks early, had no sucking reflex and spent time in the hospital after birth so it was difficult for me to bond with him right away. (meanwhile, my boyfriend (now hubby) bonded with no problem and they are still thick as thieves). But, by the time Jared was a year old, I was no longer scared he was going to break and had really evolved into my role as mama. His first birthday party was fun and in May so we celebrated my first mother’s day at the same time.

~Matthew’s first birthday was huge- he looooved tractors and we had a big tractor party, complete with Daddy giving rides on the back of his. Matt was already walking and into eveything and pulled some of his decorations down on himself.

This little exercise has shown me that I need to devote some time this year to getting some pictures scanned and on our computer. I don’t really have that many saved from pre-digital camera days LOL

Happy Birthday to…..

Okay friends- I turn the big 3-0 this Thursday. Imagine my glee when I found a bloggy party for birthday girls going on this week at Momdot and The Not So Blog,Blog(in honor of their daughters, not me- but hey a blogger can stretch the rules).

So, go visit these blogs- say Happy Birthday to two sweet little girls (Lily and Charlotte) and don’t forget to say Happy Birthday to me too