It may seem like a peculiar birthday gift but to an 11 year old with down syndrome it will be well received.

“string” as he knows it brings comfort and calm to a world that is often overstimulating and overwhelming.

Lupus shoots fiery darts of inflammation and pain into the joints of my hands as I braid, but I don’t stop.

Love hurts sometimes and this is a gift infused with love.

This special little guy is the brother to my daughter.

Only God, through His Love, could bring me the daughter I prayed for AND provide a sweet boy with a special chromosome for me to love too.

{You know if you have spent any time here before that children with special needs have their own place in my heart}

God injects unexpected joys into our lives, if we are open to seeing them as such.

A friendship woven by love and His design takes me by surprise.

She thanks me for throwing a birthday party for her boy.  I thank her for the privilege.

She asks for a picture together and my heart is heavy with the joy of the moment.

We are mama’s of the same daughter.  We are daughters of the same Father.

I stand in awe of God’s redemptive power once again.

and the counting of gifts continues…. {excerpts from my Joy Dare journal}

~ miracles of love evident

~ a job, a car and a house for my sweet friend, such an answer to prayer {God was showing off this week!}

~ a belated birthday gift from a Titus 2 type of friend that brought tears to my eyes {she remembered}

~ playing catch {over and over} with my fur baby, Chloe

~  counting down the days until Shayla and Jason are home again

~ clarity and the letting go of things that are not God’s best for my life

~ holding hands with my hubby as we walk into the gym to watch our son wrestle

~ confirmation of His call that comes in all forms and speaks straight to my heart

~ Sweet Pea patting my back and saying “awww”

~ new girls every day introduced to God through YoungLives

What are you thankful for?

Knitted together by God.

• Shayla became ours when she was 18 and blessed us with the gift of having Sweet Pea in our lives {she is a rowdy and adorable 15 month old right now}
• Jason was Mike’s son from his first marriage but because of abuse and neglect came to live with us in 1999 when he was six years old and I adopted him in 2000.
• I was pregnant with Jared when Mike and I met.  He was in the delivery room when Jared was born and legally adopted him.
• Matt was unplanned {never take birth control and antibiotics at the same time} and is the only one that has both my and Mike’s blood running through his veins {which we frequently use as the excuse for his stubborn personality}

I tell you all of this because I truly believe what the Bible says in Psalm 68:6, God sets the lonely in families.  God designed each one of these unique and amazing kids to be mine.

Through the years, our family has had the privilege of opening our home to those in need.  Right now, one of my dear friends and her daughter are staying with us as they get back on their feet.

And, I need to brag on my boys.

Matt playing with a straw

Shayla is away at school and Jason is away at basic training.

Jared {15} and Matt {14} are  home {along with Sweet Pea}.

To be honest, I am usually the mom that notices the irritating things, the wrong choices, the negative.  I have been praying for God to open my eyes to see my boys in a different light as we navigate these teen years.

Jared and I at a concert {with Shayla being silly in background}

Having our friends here has done just that.  My boys are patient.  They have big hearts.  They are generous, caring and loving.  They put others needs before their own.  They don’t judge.  They share and give and love.  They show genuine concern.

Jared was worried because I had to take him to school early on the first day that our friend’s daughter was going to ride the bus.  He felt bad because he wouldn’t be there to help her.

And, I realized that God was answering my prayer.

I have good boys, growing up to be good men.

I am thankful for both of them and they make me proud.

Yet, when I sit here all I can think about are the 143 million+ orphans around the world that need forever families.  The over 1/2 million kids in the US foster care system that need their families loved on and repaired.  The over 100,000 that can’t go back home and need new families to step up and love them, despite their tough exteriors.  The teen mom’s that I serve on a daily basis that need mentors to help them become the best mothers they can be.  The medically fragile children that lay dying in orphanages. The children that go to bed hungry in our country and abroad.  The 30,000 kids that die every day of preventable, treatable illnesses.

My heart bleeds.  My eyes leak.

The Bible makes it very clear that these children are precious to the heart of God.

Adoption is at the very core of God’s plan for redemption and salvation.

So, today, instead of writing anything else I want to encourage you to visit some sites where you can learn and help and I pray that your heart is pricked for what hurts His.

No Greater Joy Mom
Adeye is sharing powerful testimonies on her blog this month, in honor of National Adoption Month. Grab your tissues!

Compassion Bloggers in Ecuador

Some of my all time favorite bloggers are serving Jesus in Ecuador this week and sharing the stories with us.

Ekubo Ministries

One of my favorite ministries in Uganda, loving and serving the people there.

Mercy House, Kenya

A ministry to unwed mothers in Kenya, truly a miracle working place.

Young Lives of Eastern Panhandle

Where I live out a calling to love on teen moms and their kids

I have not posted every day {didn’t I predict that would happen?}

I still have much to say on this topic!  We will continue next week with more obstacles to a clean heart and finish up the month with action steps.

But, this weekend, the frenetic pace of life MUST slow down and allow me some time with this sweet girl {whom I haven’t seen in two weeks}

Saying goodbye at the airport

Pray that we will have safe travels {5 hours each way in the car with a teething Sweet Pea} and that we will make the most of the short visit.

I will be back Monday to resume the series.

You can read from the beginning here:

Day 1

Day 2

Day 3

Day 4

Day 5

Day 6/Day 7

Day 8

Day 9

Day 10

Day 12

Her jet black hair was the last thing I saw as she disappeared down the escalator.

“Bye, mama. I love you” were the muffled words that fell on my ears as warm tears slid down my cheeks.

My oldest boy slid his arm around my shoulder and simply squeezed, a gesture far more comforting than he realized.

Shayla left for a six month nursing program today.  I will see her again in 10 days {that will feel like 100}.

Letting go is not easy.

So, why then, do I hold on so tightly?

And, not just to my children.  I hold on to everything.  My schedule. My relationships. My expectations. My priorities.

In clearing the clutter of our heart, we will encounter the need to surrender often.  Surrender is not a one time thing.  Surrender is a day-in-day-out-minute-by-minute communion with Jesus.

Surrender is an invitation to place our burdens, our dreams, our fears and our desires at the feet of Jesus.

When I am holding tightly to something it is usually because I am afraid of what will happen if I let go.

Are you tired?  Worn out?  Burned out on religion?  Come to me.  I’ll show you how to take a real rest.  I’ll show you how to take a real rest.  Walk with me and work with me–watch how I do it.  Learn the unforced rhythms of grace.  I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly. ~Matthew 11:28-30 MSG

I love the invitation Jesus gives in these verses…come and learn from Him.

Surrender.  Loosen my grip, lean in and learn from Him.

**This is day four of my series, 31 Days to a Clean Heart.  Start at the beginning: read day 1, day 2 and day 3.**

My babies {or dolls}.

I was born with a deep-down need to nurture.

Experiences burned a desire to make sure any child in my path knew what it is to be mothered well.

It started with my dolls.  I loved Cabbage Patch kids because they were adopted.  They came with a certificate that said they needed me.  I still remember their names.  There was Paula with the cornsilk hair, April had freckles, Noreen that could go in the pool and tub with me and Addie, my first African-American daughter.

I say first because a special thing took place for our family on Monday.

Miss S. had long ago woven herself into the fabric of our family.  She came to us needing a mama {and a daddy} that she could count on, consistent rules and unconditional love.

And, a year to the date that she came into our home and a few days before Sweet Pea’s first birthday {tomorrow!}, a judge agreed that she was our daughter and we are her parents.

We were asking for something rather unorthodox, in that Miss S. is an adult. But, starting fresh and knowing that we are committed to her was important. We needn’t have worried.  The judge {whom we had been warned was a hard nose} even said “it is obvious the Good Lord knew what He was doing when He introduced you to each other”.

So, without further adieu, I am so proud to introduce you to our daughter, Shayla Smallwood.

Our celebratory lunch

And, I guess that makes me one of the world’s youngest grandparents {although I prefer Mimi}, huh?

Thank you for all that were praying for us on Monday and now you know what you were praying for!

Day 5: My Favorite Quote

Live well, laugh often, love much. ~ Author Unknown

This quote is very popular but has deep meaning for me. It is my personal mission statement.  I want to live well…through a healthy lifestyle, through expressing myself in written word, through being the best parent and wife I can be all while following hard after Jesus.  I want to laugh often…because it is better for me than sorrow, because it is medicine for the heart and soul, because I love the sound of laughter.  I want to love much…those that need to be loved, those that love me, those that don’t, those that need to hear the Good News and especially love on the ones God has put in my family, as wife, mother, sister and friend.

Day 6: Most Treasured Item

The first thing that comes to my mind is my study Bible.  I have so many notes and insights and thoughts written there.  I would be sad to lose it!

The second thing that comes to mind is my home videos.  I LOVE to watch videos of when my boys were little {and I was thin}.

Day 7: A photo that makes me happy

Jason graduating June 2011

Jason had such a tough road to get to that moment {and it wasn’t a walk in the park for the rest of us either}.  Seeing him smiling, with plans for a future is a sight this mama had envisioned for so long and didn’t know if she would ever see. God is too good to me.

Day 8: Something I hate

To start off, I hate the word hate.  My kids aren’t allowed to use it.  That being said there are a number of things I strongly dislike:

• poverty
• child abuse
• orphan crisis

and, on a lighter note…bananas {the smell, the taste, the texture- yuck!}

So, there you have it.  More about me.

We walked with our two graduates in a special recognition ceremony at church.

Two kids who have beat the odds to reach this milestone in their lives.  Our hearts were full of love and pride and gratitude.

Then, the day got even better as three of the young moms from our YoungLives ministry followed through in believer’s baptism!

Teen moms with our area director

We ended our day with a birthday dinner for Jared.

Like I said, it was a beautiful day.

And, the counting of gifts continues~

~  special ceremonies that make mama’s cry

~  beautiful weather

~  motorcycle ride with the hubby

~  pink tennis balls for my walker

~  aloe vera for sunburned arms

~  pistachios

~  ice cold water

~  dinner with friends

~  cute baby headbands

~  girls giving their lives to Christ and changing their lives, and the lives of their babies, forever!

What are you thankful for?

ODD

PTSD

“We are absolutely amazed that you have stuck with him this long”

“It would be completely understood if you walked away from this child right now”

Those were some of the labels and statements made to my husband and I, by social workers, psychiatrists and therapists, over the last 12 years of raising Jason.

“He is incapable of feeling empathy”

“He will never be the child you think he can be”

When you hear those things on a regular basis and life at home is full of violent confrontations, rejection and despair–you can be tempted to believe it.  I fought hard {in my flesh} against the constant temptation to throw in the towel.

In 2006, I learned one of the most horrific things about my son that any mother can imagine.  I sunk deep into a hole of self-pity, defeat and did not see how this particular wrong could ever be rectified.

I did not see the way through the fog of darkness and sin because I was looking through my own lens.

When I finally grasped a hold of Truth, God moved mountains.

God is able to make all grace abound, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.  II Corinthians 9:8 {emphasis mine}

My boys, who weren’t allowed to see each other for three years, were reunited and the restorative power of God will never cease to amaze me.

My son, who I was told would never feel any genuine feelings, took his sister and I out to celebrate Mother’s Day of his own volition {and money} this year.

Miss S always makes funny faces in our pics :p

This boy turned man, who used to hit me and scratch me yet only wanted me to tuck him in, is smiling a genuine-happy-I-love-my-mom smile.

He has hopes and dreams and plans for his future.

And, he is graduating this year.  This weekend we will celebrate a milestone with the child I was told to give up on.

Friends, God is still in the miracle business.

And the counting of gifts continues…

~ new knee brace that allows me to drive {after 67 days!!}

~ Sweet Pea’s curls

~ being together with all of my children

~ the restorative and redemptive power of Almighty God

~ breeze coming through the windows on a beautiful morning

~ the post-rain cool

~ going through old photos, awe-struck at how God works

~ chunky necklaces

~ physical therapy {aka physical torture}

~ sitting in church with my boys

What are you thankful for?

Take delight in the LORD,
and he will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4

I used to read this verse in a much different way than I do now.  I used to think that the more I read my Bible, the more that I memorized Scripture, the more I prayed, the more likely it would be that God would give me what I wanted, the desires of my heart.

For years {and I do mean years} I begged, prayed and cried for God to give me a daughter.  From the time I was a little girl, I had imagined myself as the mother of an adopted daughter. China was the country on my heart since I was 10 years old.  I knew what her name would be since I was 15.

That was a good desire, right?  For years I did not understand why God would deny me the privilege of parenting a little chubby cheeked girl from China. {yes, I viewed it as God denying me and He is well aware I felt that way}

Then, after this experience in 2008, my understanding of God changed.  And so did my desires, my deepest longings, my heart cry.

I stopped asking for a daughter.  I started asking for God’s will, whatever it was.

About a year and a half later {May 2010}, Mike and I almost adopted a little boy who was going through a disrupted adoption.  He was originally from Ethiopia and I was prepared to be his mama.

I was heartbroken when that fell through.  My prayer journal is full of “what am I supposed to learn from this” and “why??”s.

Right around that same time, my role in a local ministry to teen moms escalated.  We grew from serving 2 girls to 10 {and now 40+}.

And in August 2010, Miss S. needed a place to live.  And a mama.

I didn’t put all of this together until the other night.  We were snow tubing at a local ski resort with 14 of the girls we serve in YoungLives.  My husband laughed and said “Did you ever think God would give you all of these daughters?”

His comment echoed in my mind when I finally crawled in to bed that night.

If we had a little girl from China or if the adoption last summer had gone through, I would have received the desires of MY heart.

But, I would have missed out on the unfathomable joy and fulfillment that comes from aligning my desires with the desire of God for MY heart. We wouldn’t have had the room for Miss S. and Sweet Pea to move into our hearts and lives.  I wouldn’t have the time to give to all the other girls that need my love and attention right now.

Psalm 37:4 means something completely different to me now and I like this explanation much better!

and my counting of gifts continues…

{#141-150}

~brownies with chocolate chips and walnuts

~warm, breezy days in February

~the wind in the trees reminding me of Who created all that is

~Yankee Candle air fresheners for the car

~each and every opportunity I have to serve my Jesus

~moving the laptop to the desk, decreasing the temptation to be on it and increasing the time I spend with my precious family

~good interim reports for 3 out of 4 children

~praising God for modern day medicine

~the sight of my children taking fervent notes at a Wednesday night church service

~seeing my husband also taking fervent notes at a Wednesday night church service

God is good all the time!

What are you thankful for?