Back to School Fashion for Tweens

Back to school shopping can be stressful, particularly when you have picky fashion conscious teens/tweens.  We managed to get our back to school clothes shopping done with very little stress by providing the boys with a budget and letting them spend it as they saw fit, provided they got the things they really needed first {like new shoes}.  I was pleasantly surprised by how well they managed the money!

I had the opportunity to submit some questions for my readers to some fashion “experts” including two teen/tween fashion sensations, Elle and Blair Fowler.

As an added bonus, the folks from Sears/Kmart are providing me with a $25 Sears gift card to help a lucky reader with the back to school shopping expenses.

To enter the giveaway:

Leave a comment with your best back to school clothes shopping tip.

For extra entries (after completing mandatory entry above):

• Leave a comment about favorite advice from the video above
• Have your child complete an entry for the in the Crush Your Style contest and leave a comment letting me know you did.

Giveaway closes September 3rd and winner will be chosen via random.org.  This giveaway is open to residents of continental US only.  I was not compensated for this giveaway.  I posted it for the benefit of my readers.

Holy Housewives- Book One Wrap-up

I apologize for the lack of posting the last few weeks {my site was hacked} but I am up and running again {except that you may still see a warning in Firefox, does not happen in IE} so I will try to sum up my final thoughts on the book today and briefly touch on the chapters I wasn’t able to post about {how was that for a run-on sentence?}

We have been reading Passionate Housewives, Desperate for God for the past few weeks.  Here are my thoughts on the last chapters and then a summary at the end =) 

Chapter 5 talks about freedom from perfectionism. 

• For those of you that follow my organizing blog or listen to my podcast, you know that I am all about letting go of the pressure of perfectionism.  My sweet friend at Pleasing to You and I think quite similarly about this subject and she has started a new focus on Mondays called Lopsided Living {be sure to check it out!}  The author talks about a moment where had she insisted on living up to self imposed perfectionistic expectations, she would have ultimately taken a blessing away from someone else (page 80).  This is so important to remember!  If we do something just because we can we may be preventing the person that God had in mind for the task from fulfilling their calling.

Chapter Six

• I agree with the authors that the consumerism of our society and the culture of materialism we live in contributes to the demise of families.  I also believe that it contributes to our need to strive to be something we weren’t created to be.  The amount of debt that the average household carries saddles the family with undue stress and obligation.  Only when we stop being of the world and just live in it, will this cycle stop.  And that is only going to happen one family at a time.
• This quote from page 87 struck me as well: Would we still praise God if we had to keep dirt floors clean, children healthy, and gardens growing in a strange new environment far from family and friends?  The author was referring to women from previous centuries but it made me think of the women who are selflessly following their husbands into the mission field abroad.  Serving God when it is not convenient and comfortable.  Those are true heroes to me!
• This was also a thought provoking statement “Homes that are emptied of their meaning and purpose make up the culture in which we live.  When homes do not have creative, happy, intelligent mothers keeping them, their occupants go elsewhere to learn how to behave, to learn what music to love, to learn what art to imitate…Being keepers at home is about focusing upon the Lord in all the everydayness so that our houses become centers of hospitality, forgiveness, training, business, welfare, charity, shared mourning and celebration, and-oh, yes- lots of tracked in mud, crumbs under the chairs and everything else that goes with human beings“  The reason this statement struck me is that the teens I work with are missing this element in their lives. One young girl mentioned that my husband and I were only the second couple she had met in her life that had been married for more than 10 years.  Another had never experienced a sit down family style dinner until she dined with her mentor and family.  Being a stay at home mom is a witness to these girls and I never looked at it that way before.

Skipping to Chapter ten:

• Maybe it is because I have health issues that require me to take care of myself {so that I can take care of my family} but my fur goes up when the authors start saying that a mom putting herself on her own to do list is selfish.  Do I think that taking care of yourself can be taken too far…become an idol in your life? Absolutely.  But, the Bible also tells us that we are to love others as we love ourselves.  To me, loving myself is not burning the candle on both ends in the name of service.  Believe me, I have tried it…not pretty at all!

Final thoughts:

This book definitely made me think and challenged some beliefs that I have held for a long time.  While I do NOT agree with everything it says, I do agree with the premise that societal norms and biblical truth do not always match when it comes to being a Godly wife and mother.

Did you read the book?  Please share your thoughts in the comments!

So, what happened to homeschooling?

This summer has been a roller coaster ride of indecisiveness.  Confusion.  Soul-searching.  Heart break.  On my face before my Creator asking “why” and then remembering it is often not my place to ask.

 {Situations that I can’t share here that shook my faith and made my soul ache but at the same time brought my family closer together and provided us an even firmer foundation upon which to serve our Jesus}

Don’t get me wrong…there were good times, too!

 But, I have carried around a heaviness that I was finding hard to shake.   And, in the midst of that, we {my husband and I} were praying about whether or not to home school our boys this year.

We pray every year about what their educational journey will look like.  Usually, the answer is clear.  This year, it was muddled.

Just for general information, we Type A mama’s don’t handle “muddled” well.

My husband does well with cutting through the mud in muddled.  My motherly emotions tend to get in the way and the emotion that was muddying my waters was fear.

In God’s Word, He does not hesitate to tell us not to fear.  Yet, I don’t hesitate to let fear invade my thoughts and my heart, particularly when it comes to the balancing act of motherhood.

So do not fear, for I am with you {and your children}; do not be dismayed, for I am your God {and your children’s God and Father too}.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you in my righteous right hand {and there your children rest too}.  Isaiah 41:10

The italicized portion is obviously mine but it is how God spoke to me.  That no matter the decision of where to be schooled and how to be educated, God holds my children close to His heart and I have nothing to fear.

Raising teenagers these days is scary and downright overwhelming {especially when you work with teen moms and see some grim realities of our fallen world}.  As my boys head off to public school {the final decision the hubby and I came down to} again this year, my heart is at peace.

As for their spiritual education, that will continue at home.  And this mama is kicking that focus up a notch this year. You can NEVER be to close to the One who beckons you not to fear.

Protecting America’s Kids

While at the annual BlogHer conference in NYC, I had the distinct privilege of having dinner with the folks from Tavern Direct and The National Center for Missing and Exploited Children. 

More on Tavern Direct in a second but first I want to share with you some more downright scary and eye opening statistics about our children and their safety:

• 2,000 children are reported missing everyday. {yes, you read that right! 2,000 children A DAY}
• 1 in 5 girls and 1 in 10 boys will be sexually victimized before adulthood. {I am a statistic in this area and the effects of sexual abuse lead to many more dangerous and hurtful issues throughout a person’s life}
• As many as 100,000 registered sex offenders are “lost” in the system, their whereabouts unknown.
• 1 in 7 children using the Internet receive sexual solicitations in a single year. {do you monitor what your child does online?}
• 58,000 children are victims of non-family abductions each year.

I could go on.  But, I can’t. These statistics make my heart hurt.  And, as a mama of three, they scare me.  People don’t want to talk about these facts because they are uncomfortable and we don’t like to be reminded that bad things happen EVERY DAY.   This is unacceptable.  Parents need to WAKE up and become educated about the very real dangers out there facing our children.  Pretending these issues don’t exist will not make them go away.

  I am so thankful for agencies like The National Center for Missing and Exploited Children and companies like Tavern Direct that are willing to tackle these serious issues in order to keep our children safe!

So, what is Tavern Direct?  Tavern Direct is a company offering the taste of the infamous Tavern on the Green in sauces, marinades, {absolutely heavenly} balsamic vinegars and flavored oils.  When you make a purchase from Tavern Direct, they donate 50 cents per bottle to the NCMEC.  A win-win situation for sure! 

The statistics are staggering, the threat to our children is real but we are not powerless.  There are steps we can take to protect our children and simple things, like supporting Tavern Direct, that protects children across America.

Until September 5, 2010 you can enter the promotion code “BLOGGERS” at checkout on the Tavern Direct site and receive 20% off your next purchase at Tavern Direct.com.

Thank you to Tavern Direct and NCMEC for providing an absolutely delicious dinner {where I got to sample the scrumptious balsamic vinegars in their product line} and more importantly, for providing me the opportunity to work on such an important cause! Statistics in this post are courtesy of NCMEC.

What do you do to keep your kids safe?

And, as always if you have a post about parenting teens/tweens please link it up below!

Back to school fashion

Summer is a time for epic growth spurts {apparently}.

Jared has grown an inch and a half and put on a few pounds {of all muscle, he wants you to know}.

Matt has grown 3/4 inch and hasn’t put on a single pound despite eating us all under the table EVERY day!

I look up to Jason, literally.  He is up to Mike’s chin, meaning he has to be a good 5′ 8″ {at least}.

Y’all know what this means, right?

Shopping. 

With boys.

Shopping with boys who all wear different sizes, styles and only one of whom enjoys the actual task of shopping.

Umm, hmm…fun times are ahead this weekend.  Fun times, indeed.

Pray for me, will ya?

If you would like to go shopping, you can do so right here at my MultiTasking Mama shop {I’ve done all the work of finding the perfect products for you}

New at Multitasking Mama’s shop!

Reasons I am opening an OpenSky shop on the blog:

1. A lifetime pipe dream of mine has been to own a little boutique (where I would sell an eclectic blend of products that I love)…OpenSky provides the opportunity for this to become a reality right here on my little ‘ole blog.
2. The opportunity to provide my readers with products that I use and like!
3. I attended an OpenSky presentation at BlogHer and fell in love with their vision and focus.
4. All my friends are doing it (Makeover Momma, OrgJunkie, Amy and more)
5. The ability to raise money for a cause dear to my heart- all the proceeds from my OpenSky shop will be donated to YoungLives, the organization I work with that provides mentoring and support to teen moms.

So, here are the inaugural items I am offering (with many more to come):

Above, you will find the link to purchase this paper organizer for busy (multi-tasking) mama’s!  I know there are many electronic options for keeping your calendar under control but I am still a paper planner type of gal.

Using under the bed storage space is a great way to maximize the space in your home.  These under the bed storage bags are also chic and cute (always a plus).

I came home from BlogHer with some whole coffee beans and no way to grind them. Problem solved!

Shop away, and keep an eye out for weekly posts featuring my new, hand picked just for you, favorite things!

As a special bonus, use coupon code EXCITE25 before August 20 to receive a 25% discount!

Open letter to family court system

This is an actual letter I wrote after an interesting and eye opening experience with one of the teen moms I mentor.  Names have been left blank to protect privacy.

August 13, 2010

Dear Judge ________,

I had my first encounter with the family court system on August 11, 2010 when I accompanied ________ _________ to a hearing to extend an emergency protection order filed against her mother’s boyfriend, ___________ ________. 

I wanted to share my takeaway from the experience with you in hopes that I can provide you with a different perspective.  I can only imagine the dysfunction you see in your court room on a daily basis.  As a resident of this county, as a woman and as a mother I appreciate all that you do for families in our area.

However, __________ left the courtroom that day feeling marginalized and defeated, despite the fact that you did rule to extend the order to keep her and her daughter safe.  The reason for her feeling this way is that her mother, ____, took the stand, told you half- truths and outright lies and you seemed to believe them.

I encouraged _______ when we left that it doesn’t matter if you weren’t able to obtain the full story, at least she has the ability to keep herself and ________ safe, at least, until November.  But, I also sensed that this is exactly why it is so difficult for us (our organization and others that work with these girls) to get them to file charges in the first place.

In most of the cases we deal with, we certainly encourage and facilitate the relationship between the teen mom and her family.  But, in cases like ________’s, safety and healthy relationships are more important than biology.

This is not the first instance that Mr. _________ has been physical with ________.  He has also been physical with her mom and the charges filed by ________ are his second offense domestic violence proceedings.  ________ would have been unable to call 911 that day if our agency had not provided her with a cell phone, as her mother and Mr. _______ gave her no access to a land line or a cell phone and severely limited her access to the internet and other forms of communication.

________ has four younger brothers and sisters that have been in the foster care system for several years due to _____’s instability and history of drug and alcohol addiction.  When _________ referred to ________’s “running away” on the stand, she was actually making reference to a time when ________ had to go and stay with her mother’s friend because Mr. _______ had been physical with her during her pregnancy and they were pressuring her to obtain an abortion that she did not want.

I am not naive and realize that often teenagers embellish and exaggerate stories to make themselves look good and their parents like the ogres.  However, this is not one of those cases.  We carefully examine and research the girl’s in our program so we know how best to help them.  We know _______’s past and the obstacles, including her mother, that she has had to overcome to be where she is today–safe and with hope for her future.

_________ just graduated with honors from __________ High School, in spite of her home situation.  She is scheduled to start a technical program at _________ Community College in February.  She is an excellent mom to her 9 month old daughter.

I share these facts with you in hopes that in the future, when a frightened young woman comes into your court room, that you will objectively provide her with the benefit of the doubt and an opportunity to deflect the insinuations and dishonest testimony of a woman (even if it is her own mother) protecting an abuser.  Due to the fact that _______ nor I had any experience with family court etiquette, neither of us felt it was appropriate (or that we were given the opportunity) to speak up and correct the errors her mother was sharing on the stand and provide you with these facts.

Thank you for taking the time to read this.  I do not envy your job and wish you all the best!

Sincerely,

Melissa Smallwood

Time is fleeting…

I am feeling rushed.

Urgency knocks on the door of my heart.

Have you done enough?  Have you taught them enough?  Have you equipped them for this journey?

A faint knock on the door of my heart beckons me away from urgency and toward comfort.

I answer that familiar knock.  Then I remember that all He expects from me is my obedience.  Ultimately, these three special people are only on loan to me anyway.  They belong to Him who ordained their days in His book before they were ever born (Psalm 139).

So, as one heads off to their senior year, one begins high school and one finishes up middle school, I lean back into my Father’s arms.

Parenting from His right hand is peaceful. 

And, when you are parenting teens, peace is a true gift!

Are you experiencing peace on this journey of parenting?  Please feel free to share your thoughts/struggles/ideas in the comments!

As always, if you have a post about parenting teens/tweens, feel free to link it up below:

 

Legacy of Caring

I was recently in NYC for a blogging/social media conference.  Johnson and Johnson was there and requested some bloggers to make videos describing something that they care about.  Naturally, those living with chronic illness are frequently on my heart {although I had to quickly decide to talk about that OR foster care OR human trafficking OR the bazillion other things that I care about and pierce my heart}.

I chose to speak about how living WELL with chronic illness is something I am passionate about. It is easy to get depressed and caught up in the negative aspects of illness.  I much prefer to focus on the blessings{and I think it is ultimately better for my health that way}.

Here is the clip of my interview:

What is an issue you care deeply about?  I would love to know so please leave me a comment!

Push, pull

Parenting adolescent boys is akin to playing tug of war.  They want you to park as far away as possible when picking them up from basketball practice but need you to listen (and *gasp* maybe even hug them) when their team loses the tournament.  One minute you are “the meanest mom ever” and the next (when you drive them somewhere they want to go or buy them ice cream) “you’re the best”….

You can read the rest of my post at The MOB Society today.

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