I am not as strong as people think I am.
Why? has become a visceral cry from the deep parts of who I am.
David’s cry becomes my own:
Be merciful to me, O Lord, for I am in distress; my eyes grow weak with sorrow, my soul and my body with grief. My life is consumed with anguish and my years of groaning; my strength fails because of my affliction, and my bones grow weak. ~Psalm 30: 9-10
I know that I serve a God that can handle my emotions. My ups and downs.
The nail biting.
The tears.
The irritability.
The self-pity.
It’s all there friends and it is not okay.
A ray of Light shines through. The comfort of knowing that He is always there and that any issues I face in this temporary body of mine are just that, temporary. He has an illness free, pain free, difficulty free life waiting for me and that gets me through.
Then, I read something that buoys my sinking spirits. In this instance, the words of Beth Moore in her book, Jesus, The One and Only.
“Not all illnesses are the patient’s fault. I oppose teaching that suggests the opposite. Sometimes we do things or fail to do things that cause poor health….Often, however, the cause and effect is something only God understands. Thank goodness, the only One who knows absolutely is the One who reigns absolutely.” ~ Beth Moore
He knows why this path is necessary, why my liver isn’t working well again, why my knee surgery has to be postponed, why I have developed an ulcer {well, I guess that really shouldn’t be a surprise}. He also knows I feel like a burden, worthless, helpless and hopeless.
To that part of me, He sends the Holy Spirit, our Comforter. He whispers in my ear the promise that it may not feel okay but it will be okay and I am okay, no matter how I feel.
Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. ~ II Corinthians 4: 16-18
And, deep inside I am reminded that it may not seem okay, but it is. He is.
This post is linked here.
