Overcoming the sense of entitlement
June 3, 2010 by MELISSA, MULTI-TASKING MAMA
Filed under Teen/Tween Thursday, being thankful, tweens
If you ask my children what they want for their birthday it will most likely be some type of electronic device. Jared got a new cell phone last week for his 14th and Matt is already talking about what he wants for his birthday in September.
We are a fairly conservative family financially. We don’t have debt, other than our mortgage and student loans, and have really tried to communicate our financial values to our boys. Sometimes, I feel like we have failed miserably.
It was difficult for me to explain to my kids why we aren’t replacing our desktop yet, why we haven’t bought a Wii console, why they can buy clothes that are on sale- period. I have always deep down felt mama guilt at not being able to provide them with the lifestyle they desire.
My mama guilt has changed it’s focus since reading the book Radical, by David Platt. I am realizing that we are actually doing our children a favor by not allowing them to feel like the center of the universe. By reminding them that they are not entitled to the biggest and the best just because they are alive.
My focus has changed to educating them about the fact that “the war against materialism in our hearts is exactly that: a war. It is a constant battle to resist the temptation to have more luxuries, to acquire more stuff, and to live more comfortably. It requires strong and steady resolve to live out the gospel in the middle of an American dream that identifies success as moving up the ladder, getting the bigger house, purchasing the nicer car, buying the better clothes, eating the finer food and acquiring more things”. (Radical, page 136)
Does it scare you that kids today are growing up with such a sense of entitlement? What do you think we can do to turn the tide for our kids or do you think we should?
As always, if you have a post about raising teens/tweens, please link it up below!
I need to read that book! I completely agree with you; kids today want and expect everything RIGHT NOW. My kids understand that we buy mostly thrift store clothes, and in the past they've had to use money they earned mowing yards for any electronics they wanted. Now that the mowing jobs have decreased so much, they just have to do without. But when my oldest turned 14, it was like a switch flipped! All of sudden he's begging to go to the mall – which I hate, because all his friends get to shop there. We are struggling with this, because we have to say no. Even if I wanted to, we just aren't in a position to spend money on them. But I also know that they are fine, they have plenty, even if it's not brand new.
I worry about this generation of kids. So many will graduate college and expect a high paying job, fancy car, big house and lots of toys. Whatever happened to living in tiny apartments and sitting on crates until you could afford furniture? Their expectations are way out of line with reality.
Great post!
It is a constant struggle to strike the right balance, and hubby and I don't always agree on this front. He wants the kids to have what he didn't have growing up, but he also wants them to realize that money doesn't grow on trees and they cannot have everything that they want.
I suppose where we agree is on teaching an attitude of gratitude. Whether they have a little or a lot, we emphasize that they should be thankful and when they're not we start taking their stuff…We also help cultivate this attitude with a thankful jar where we as a family jot down things during the year for which we're thankful. These can be material things, but mostly they're the activities we do as a family. We share these at Thanksgiving.
Ultimately, these are seeds that are being planted and we know that God will grow them in His time.
great points Sheri! And I do think you are right and this age makes it more
difficult. We just have to pray! And, yes I recommend a hundred times over
read Radical!
awesome point, being grateful is essential!
great insight! Thanks for your input =)
Alissa I work with pregnant and parenting teens as well (I, myself, was a
teen mom) and you are so right. It is a difficult thing for me to deal with
in that group. God is growing me daily through working with them for
sure!! Thanks for your comment!
Our oldest two kids are now 22 & 20, the next two are 12 & almost 10….in the 10 yrs since our oldest was 12 I've seen a HUGE increase in the number of electronics that are geared specifically at this age group. Our middle kids feel like they are “underpriviledged” because they don't have cell phones or texting devices. I don't see a NEED for these items for them! Our first two didn't get cell phones until they were old enough to have a job & pay for the service themselves & we are trying very hard to continue this precedent with the rest of our kids. We also do not have cable tv….we missed it at first, but I've found that the expectation to own every new electronic device that comes out is lower now that they aren't watching all those shows about bratty smart mouthed teens who seem to have limitless bank accounts to get anything they want whenever they want it.
Our 20 yr old complained when he was in high school & I wouldn't buy him the biggest brand names in clothes, but now that he is buying his own clothes he shops for bargains & isn't above checking the 2nd hand stores.
Thank you for your input! It encourages me to hear from mama's that have
raised older kids!!
14 was a really HARD age for both of my older boys….it does get better, but you have to stick to your guns about them needing to earn their own money. I think they appreciate the stuff that they buy with their own money so much more than things that are just given to them….no matter how desperately they claimed to want it in the first place.
My 3rd son just turned 12 so it won't be long before he is 14, I think I need to get this book too!
We struggle with the haves and haves not, too. My oldest is finally OK with buying from the sale rack. Now that she has some of her own money to spend from grandparents she gets a kick out of getting a bargain. She stills buys an item or two that to me seem overpriced due to flimsy fabric.
it does help them to understand money when they have to manage their own!